He thought she was his life, that she meant everything to him. That she was the reason he lived, the reason for his very existance. His heart felt heavy when she was around.
Her smile made his day. Her tears made him weep. Her beauty defined the world for him. She was the center of his universe.
Just the exchange of a few words delighted him. One tiny arguement could devastate him.
A tiny compliment gave him immense happiness. Her sight triggered the blossoming of a beautiful garden in his heart. Her voice was the greatest melody of all times.
But as all good things come to an end, one day she just wasn't there anymore. Her absence triggered an earthquake in him making him take a plunge into depression.
Days were spent in her thought, days that never yielded any result. When he finally gave up and started to forget, he started healing.
In the process of healing, he realised who the actual angel of his life was. She gave him his life, she was the reason for his breath.
It was her heart the cared for him the most. That wept when he was sad. That raced to a hundred miles an hour worrying about him and that was self assured while he was happy. It was her words he first heard. It was her touch he first sensed. It was her hand that supported him throughout his life,it was her that fought off all evil. It was her because of whom he was able to speak. It was her who was the first person to love him. It was her who shaped his life and it was her who taught him how to love. And ultimately he did recover, not for the girl who left him midway,but for the woman whose womb carried him for nine months.
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I like this, it is written well, and you keep the flow going well during the story, just one suggestion though, I'm not sure if it would work, but personally I think it would.
It was her heart the cared for him the most. That wept when he was sad. That raced to a hundred miles an hour worrying about him and that was self assured while he was happy. It was her words he first heard. It was her touch he first sensed. It was her hand that supported him throughout his life, it was her that fought off all evil. It was her because of whom he was able to speak. It was her who was the first person to love him. It was her who shaped his life and it was her who taught him how to love. And ultimately he did recover, not for the girl who left him midway, but for the woman whose womb carried him for nine months.
I suggest you split it up a bit more, it is a bit bulky, and unlike the rest of the story it is a lot harder to read, so maybe make it like this:
It was her heart the cared for him the most. That wept when he was sad. That raced to a hundred miles an hour worrying about him and that was self assured while he was happy. It was her words he first heard.
It was her touch he first sensed. It was her hand that supported him throughout his life, it was her that fought off all evil. It was her because of whom he was able to speak. It was her who was the first person to love him.
It was her who shaped his life and it was her who taught him how to love. And ultimately he did recover, not for the girl who left him midway, but for the woman whose womb carried him for nine months.
I think personally it makes it better to read.
anyway, this is really well done, and it extremely fulfilling to read, good job. Thumbs up!!
Jack
Thank you for the suggestion.
that's fine!!
A very good story that has lovely imagery good job!
Good things:
-very good imagery-e.g It was her hand that supported him throughout his life.
-I love the way you use Her and Him instead of actual names which I feel gives a nice essence to it.
-Overall a nice piece of work.
Things to improve on:
There wasn't much to improve on so I'm just going to say remember to check over spelling. (e.g you said arguement when it is argument)
Thats about it from me-a good piece of work well done
Suprising end~ Good job! ^_^
Thank you