If only i could say it out aloud.
If only you were here in front of me, I'd whisper into you ears,
I miss you. Not in some cheesy let's hold hands and be toghether forever way. I just miss your prensece in my life. I miss seeing you everyday. I miss that lovely smile of yours the brightened my day. Those few words that gave me confidence. That eversmiling face, that assured me about someone always having my back. The sound of my name from your lips, that filled my mind with happiness, and sounded like the best melody ever composed to my ears.
Your very existance, filled my life with nectar. If only i could have those days back, but i know i can't. So i hope, you'll always be there, with me, connected through the inseparable bond our hearts share. I have no clue what I'd be without you.
I love you for the happiness you gave me. And even more for making me realise why one shouldn't trust another person so much.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
You've written a great poem with a meaningful message. I did notice a few spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar mistakes, though.
1. In the first sentence, "i" should be capitalized.
2. You should end the second sentence with a period.
3. "Not in some cheesy let's hold hands and be together forever way," should say "Not in some cheesy, let's-be-friends-and-be-together-forever-way."
4. In the sentence after, "prensece," should be, "presence."
5. "I miss that lovely smile of yours the brightened my day." In this sentence, "the," should be, "that."
6. In the first sentence of the next paragraph, "existance" should be spelled, "existence."
7. "If only i could have those days back, but i know i can't. So i hope..." Remember to capitalize the "i" to "I."
When you say, "realise" in the last sentence of the last paragraph, I assume that you don't live in America. It would only be incorrect if you lived in the United States, where is should be spelled, "realize."
Other than these minor errors, you had a great poem, even if it was a bit cliché. Remember to always proofread so you can catch simple mistakes. I've found that it helps to get someone else to read over something you've written because they will often catch errors that the author may not see.
Hi buddy, welcome to YWS. I hope you have a good time here.
Congratulations on posting your first work here. But this needs serious editing. You have got a gripping title there, but sadly the story isnt quite engaging (At least to me)
As bookwolf mentioned you ought to get rid of those spelling mistakes. Secondly you need some crisp editing.
You see, there is no flow in these sentences. You might want to re-read the story again and edit /rewrite these sentences. I wont make a sentence for you because I believe you are capable enough to write sentences with a neat flow.
Now on the content and formatting: Idea though cliched is well executed. We all want to write something about our best friends isn't it? But you can try some other ways to bring freshness to your narrative. Maybe add some dialogues. Like if he was near you what would have being his spontaneous reaction.
I am focusing on this because we, as readers know absolutely nothing about your friend other than your descriptions. Try to give a feel about him, unless you are tying to hit a universal chord like everyone misses his/her friend.
This wasn't engaging enough. But this is just a personal opinion. Best of luck for your upcoming works!
Hey there. I completely get what you're trying to say and I thank you for taking the time to explain it. I'll definitely keep it in my mind to avoid these mistakes the next time around.
I can relate to this feeling so much. I really like the way you write - keep on doing it
Welcome to YWS
~CreepyMeow
Aw, very touching story.
But on to the corrections.
Oh! And welcome to YWS! So great to have you here.
When you said 'I'd whisper into you ears,
I miss you.' That should be on the same line and look exactly like this, I'd whisper into your ears, "I miss you."
and be toghether forever way (You misspelled 'together')
I miss that lovely smile of yours the brightened my day. (Like this, I miss that lovely smile of yours that brightened my day.) You put 'the' instead of 'that')
And even more for making me realise (Its spelled realize. With a 'z')
Also, I noticed that you didn't capitalize your I's. I's are always capitalized, no matter what.
Okay, over all great description of what a best friend is and I enjoyed reading it.
Keep writing!
~BookWolf
Thank you for the patience you've shown here to correct me. Although it's no excuse, I have uploaded this from my phone and I am not your typical mobile geek. I often miss out on the punctuations. Thanks anyways for the review. And I'm already loving it here. Thanks for having me.