My first attempt at writing lyrrics. This is for BBB's contest.
Mysteries of others
can seem so vast and strange.
Their feelings and their thoughts;
a charade that's due to change.
To understand who they are
is harder than it seems.
The only true way to do that
is to dream their dreams.
To dream others' dreams,
to know of their thoughts.
To understand their feelings
of misery and loss.
Of cheer and peace and happiness,
of a joy that truly gleams.
To understand a person
you must dream their dreams.
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141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
Wonderful Cat! I hope you win so Jared can sing this. June has already critiqued this so I won't tear it apart any more. Tehe I just figured out how to sing it. It sounds awesomeful!! Good job!
~peanut~
*claps*
Whoo! First attempt!
*claps some more*
I liked it
Hey Cat! June here!
First off! The title! "To Dream Others' Dream", doesn't suit. It sounds... confusing. So maybe change it to "To dream the dream of others"? Anyway! Onto the lyrics!
Something about this came off odd, Cat-dear. It's not totally disagreeable, but think about this being sung? Because if this wins, Bear will be singing this, you know? So! What needs to happen here is a bit of reconstruction. Believe me, from experience I know that repetition in a sentence is hard to pull off.
Also!
happieness should be spelled "happiness".
To speak, Cat, this is good. The only issue I have here is, it doesn't seem long enough. It probably is long enough, but the thing is, you don't tell us what part is the chorus, bridge etc. A song doesn't have to have a bridge and not necessarily a chorus, but it feels short. I know there's no set length that a song has to be, either, but it just kind of feels... like it's missing something. Also, punctuation is not necessary when writing lyrics; only in the middle of a line to show a pause is it needed.
Anyway! This is good! It has meaning behind it-- and that's what I love.
Great job dear, you did well.
Keep it up!
June