Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
"Me? I go wherever the wind blows...and wherever the whiskey shots are half price."
~Nicki Elson
➳♀♁➳
"That'll be five dollars."
Josh dug into the pocket of his swim trunks and pulled out some bills, while I grabbed the two smoothies from the counter. He handed the money over to the cashier, grabbing two straws and placing his other hand on the small of my back. He led me across the little shop until we reached our signature corner table.
"Come here, you love birds," Lina squealed. I smiled at her attempt of acceptance and tried to ignore the eye roll that Cora gave me. I slid into the round table next to Park, shoving him lightly down the cushioned seat to make room for Josh.
"Watch it, asscrack," he remarked with a smirk.
"Move, you fatass," I replied. Josh handed me a thick pink straw and I pounded it on the table until it split through the top of the wrapper.
"Let me guess," Park started, lifting a sculpted eyebrow, "strawberry mango?"
I grinned and shoved the straw into the orange mixture, sucking down the cool smoothy.
"So predictable," Park said, shaking his head. "I'm disappointed." I shoved his shoulder and laughed. I glanced around the table at the rest of the crew – my brother, James, who had made a rare appearance with my "young" group of friends to hang with Park, Cora, Lina, Lina's boyfriend Scott, two girls from the cheer squad whom I didn't know by name, and Josh. This was the first time I'd been in the same room as these new cheerleaders and knew they were only hanging out with our group to get closer to either Josh or Park, two star members of the football team.
This was our usual Wednesday night hangout spot – Peaches and Creamery, the all-things-sweets shop off the main downtown strip. It stood near the small boardwalk of the lake, making it a huge summertime attraction. Albeit the cold weather, my friends and I – and whoever wished to join – gathered at the shop even during the winter to hang out, do homework, talk about the dramatic life of being a teen, etc. Now that it was starting to get warmer, the small building was slowly getting busier and busier every week.
It always smelled of sugar and milk, so sweat it seemed like you could lick the air and taste vanilla. Decked out with plush, neon colored booths and barstools, Peaches and Creamery was the opposite of Fran's – all modern. Without a doubt, they sold the best smoothies in a thousand mile radius.
I figured it was a good a time as any to mention the party.
I attempted one of those formal wedding announcements, where you clink a knife on a wineglass, but my finger didn't have the same effect as I tapped it on the side of my plastic smoothie cup, oddly enough, so I settled for a, "Yo, guys!"
Immediately, all the heads at the table faced me. I cleared my throat and gathered my most authoritative voice and said, "If you've got plans this Friday, cancel them. We're going to a party."
Park, the ever-loving party-goer, whooped in delight, James muttered something about plans with Ashley, Cora wiggled her eyebrows, and Lina squealed.
"I'm so in," Cora said. "And I plan on breaking my How-Many-Guys-Can-I-Make-out-with-Tonight record."
Park groaned, "God, I did not want to hear that. Sis, cool it."
I laughed and turned to Josh to see his reaction. He was facing one of the cheerleaders, engrossed in what looked like a serious conversation. My interest was piqued and I bit my lip, studying the girl. Upon first glance, she looked like the traditional Hollywood cheerleader – blonde hair, perfectly curled, manicured nails, and fake lashes.
Jealously lit like a glimmering flame and I couldn't help but drape an arm around Josh's shoulders, sitting so close to his leg I was almost in his lap. He turned to me, eyes surprised for a moment before a casual smirk slid across his face. "What's up, babe?"
"So?" I asked. "Are you in?"
He smiled. "A party with you? Wouldn't miss it."
A warm feeling spread through my chest. The blonde scowled and turned away. I felt triumphant until Josh turned to the two cheerleaders. "Natalie, Jen - wanna come?"
So her name was Natalie. She grinned widely, showing a perfect row of sparkly whites, "I can't wait to beat you at beer pong, Josh!"
"That's unlikely," he said, laughing.
Why did I feel like we were competing? Josh was mine, and the prissy little blonde knew it. I frowned and turned away.
"One beer in and that girl'll be wasted on her ass," Park whispered, knocking me lightly with his shoulder. "Cheer up."
I smiled faintly and sipped my smoothie.
"Well how slutty do you want to look?"
Cora turned in her full length bedroom mirror, examining different angles of the short black dress she was wearing. It was skin tight and left little to the imagination, but was very appropriate if she was to kiss every boy at the party.
I rolled my eyes from my position on the bed, thinking of her goal. Cora had never been one for long term relationships. She was too distant, too confident in herself that it almost turned into an insecurity. She'd told me once, drunk and crying, that if she gave enough little pieces of herself to everyone, she could finally be empty - that if she had nothing left to offer she would no longer be desirable. I had asked her why she wanted to be empty and she'd responded with, "if I don't have anything, there's nothing left for people to take away."
There was much that could be said about Cora's relationship with her father.
"Sky, what are you wearing?" Lina asked, interrupting my train of thought.
I looked down at my outfit, a flannel and black skinny jeans. Not a very risky choice, but it wasn't like I was trying to impress anyone. "Um, this?"
Lina and Cora gave each other a side glance.
"Babe, you're hot," Cora stated. "You can totally pull of that look, but, well, tonight is maybe not the night to do it."
"Agreed," Lina commented. "Do you really want to see Oliver again looking like that?"
I scoffed. "Okay, one, I don't want to see Oliver at all, alright? We're not going to this party for him - we're going because we're high schoolers who like to party. Second, I think this outfit is fine." My friend's faces were unconvinced, and I caved. "Fine, what should I wear?"
Lina smiled, pulling me up to stand in front of the mirror. She disappeared into the walk-in closet behind it, tossing shirt after shirt through the doorway. They all landed on the floor in one, multicolored pile.
"This is looking like a lot of neon, Leener," I said. "Got any black?"
Cora laughed and entered her closet. I could hear them murmuring to each other, clanking hangers and looking for the right outfit. Looking at myself, I tugged on a piece of my hair. My brown locks were usually an out of control fizz factory, but today they had calmed down to a nicely textured curl that I didn't mind leaving natural.
I was retouching my lipstick with my finger when something black snowballed into my face. It tumbled down and I caught it in my hands, hearing a "bullseye" from the closet. Lina peeked her head out, a smile plastered on her lips.
"We decided you can keep your beloved flannel, just put that on under and leave it unbuttoned," she said.
I put it on quickly and instantly my eyes widened. "I can't wear this!" I protested.
For a girl with less than average sized breasts, the black crop top made them pop, showing off cleavage I didn't even know I possessed. It landed about an inch above my belly button and left little to the imagination. And, as if it wasn't small enough, there were triangle shapes cut out of the chest area, nearly showing my bra underneath.
"I look like a stripper."
"A very hot stripper," Cora corrected. "And besides, you have no choice."
I huffed and put my flannel back on overtop the barely-there, sad excuse of a shirt. I had to admit, it did make me look good. However, slutty wasn't my style, so I tugged the flannel closed and followed Lina and Cora out the door.
We entered the upstairs sitting room and it was all too clear how wealthy the Creevy's really were. Plush, white furniture, floor to ceiling windows, and a balcony that overlooked the kitchen; an indoor movie theater, hot tub room, and jakuzi bath tubs. The house bled out money from the books and crannies. It screamed privilege.
All made possible by Cora's father, the senator.
We headed down the grand staircase and I looked at my phone. 8:50.
A message appeared on the screen.
Josh: Where you at?
I texted back while Lina and Cora slipped on their shoes.
Me: Cora's. Park is driving. Be there soon
I slipped on my converse sneakers and headed out the front door to where my friends were lounging in Park's mustang. Opening the car door, I took my place in the shotgun seat, plugging my phone in the aux and selecting various songs until Park decided to grace us with his presence.
"Who's ready to get down and dirty?" Park whooped, smirking as he slid into the front seat.
"Ew," Cora responded. "Stop."
"Says you," I laughed, looking at her in the rear view mirror, "Mrs. I-Want-to-Kiss-Everyone-There." She stuck her tongue out at me. My phone buzzed.
Josh: Hurrrrry. This isn't fun without u.
I smiled automatically.
My phone buzzed again.
Oliver: I've been looking behind myself all night, but you're never there. Really a kick in the confidence to know you might be hiding behind ANOTHER obviously-less-attractive male.
The smile on my face was replaced with an expression I couldn't name. The cockiness was unbelievable, but I couldn't help noticing how I had to suppress a smile whenever Oliver said something.
I shoved my phone back in my pocket as we drove down the driveway and out onto the road. Butterflies flitted around aimlessly in my stomach, and I tried not to guess as to why I was so nervous. I clenched my fingers into fists and unclenched them again, cracking my knuckles one after the other - a habit I couldn't seem to quit.
"Skylar," Lina said, leaning forward and grabbing my hand from the back seat, "stop that right now before I break your fingers off."
I yanked my hand back, glaring at her sweetly smiling face.
We passed row upon row of nice homes. Perfect, green lawns stitched together house after house, each driveway complete with a fancy-looking car. Something inside me wanted to jump out of the moving vehicle and hide in the nearest doggy-house. I closed my eyes, trying to pretend I was anywhere else.
We exited the neighborhood when my phone buzzed in my lap.
Oliver: Sorry, Sorry, you missed it. They just played Single Ladies. Would have been a perfect song for you to dance to with that Canadian of yours.
I huffed and forced myself not to reply.
Suddenly the car stopped, and the girls flung open both back doors and whooped.
"We're here!" Cora squealed. "Where my boys at?!" She was out of the car door before I had even registered that we'd stopped driving. I looked at the house. I wasn't ready. What must have been a very lovely home was now the dumping ground for intoxicated teenagers. You could feel the thrum of the base from where our car was parked outside, and almost smell the booze leaking from inside.
"Let's go!" Lina bellowed as she bolted from the car, sprinting up the driveway and into the open front door. As she entered, an unfamiliar girl stumbled out onto the lawn, falling on her knees and vomiting in the grass.
I grimaced. No drinking tonight, I lamented. I'd gotten into this mess because of alcohol, and I wasn't going to travel further down the rabbit hole tonight.
Park looked at me. "You ready to go in, or do you want to quietly consider the meaning of life for a little while longer?"
I faked a smile. "Sorry. I've been a little absent tonight, haven't I?"
He scoffed. "Just a little." Then he leaned over me, brushing my torso with his forearm, and swung open my passenger car door. I breathed in his cologne, muttering an embarrassed "thanks" before exiting the car.
I shook off a feeling I couldn't describe and walked towards the house.
My phone buzzed again as I was half way up the drive. I pulled it out and glanced at the screen, which was extremely bright in the darkness of the night.
Oliver: This first date of ours isn't going so hot considering you haven't even arrived yet, Sorry.
I needed to find Josh at the earliest convenience and be sure to be seen with him the rest of the night.
I walked through the front door of the house, a Kanye West rap song blasting through two large speakers placed on either sides of the door. The first room appeared to be the makeshift dance room. Couches were pushed to the outer walls of the space, and teenagers danced on each other in the middle. The heat and smell of sweat and cologne was nearly unbearable and I pushed past the couples. I doubted Josh would be in the mix of people without me, and decided to check the kitchen.
I wandered down a random hallway, sliding past couples that were messily making out against the walls.
"Geez," I muttered. "Get a room."
The music was still pulsing in my ears, the base almost rocking the house. Stumbling into the kitchen, I ran face first into a hard torso.
"Oh, sorry-" I started to say, and then my mouth was pressed against another pair of lips, a tongue assaulting my face. My mind blanked and I pushed against the person, squirming to get away. "Get off-"
"Babe!" The mouth exclaimed, and I leaned back to see Josh's face. Relief washed over me.
"Oh, Josh!" I said, still breathing heavily from the unexpected attack. "It's just you."
He frowned slightly, slurring, "Who else would it be?"
I gave a small laugh and tried not to notice how drunk he was. "Nobody. Let's party!"
Josh's eyes wandered down to my cleavage, his face instantly lighting up. "You look great, babe!"
I absentmindedly pulled the flannel closed and noted that he was wearing his football jersey along with the rest of the team. Park told me once that the jersey was his "babe magnet." At the time, I had scoffed at the chauvinism of it.
Josh grabbed my hand and pulled me over to a table that had been transformed into beer pong. "Babe, I'm killing this game." He pushed his way to the end of the table and picked up the white ping pong ball. Giving me a side glance, he winked, aimed, and sunk the ball into one of the red solo cups. The crowd around us cheered.
"That's my boy!" One of Josh's friends, Luke, screamed from next to me. Then he turned, noticed me, and said, "Oh, and yours too, I guess."
The game progressed to another and another, Josh winning every one. The crowd around us got bigger and the heat of the bodies, along with the constant cheering, was beginning to give me a headache. I grabbed my long sleeve flannel and slid it off my shoulders, taking the arms and tying the shirt around my waist. Feeling naked was bad, but heatstroke was worse.
I recognized the cheerleader from a few days ago, Natalie, hanging around Josh while he played. Her blonde hair was bouncing like a beacon, and I itched to tear it off her head.
"Boo-ya!" Josh screamed sluggishly, his eyes drooping from too much alcohol. I considered telling him to slow down. He sank another ball into one of the last three cups on the opposing side. He was playing against a girl. She had dark hair and a chest so large they could have played beer pong on her breasts. I glanced at Josh, who wasn't even trying to hide his ogling. Natalie slid her arm around his waist, noticing it too and getting possessive of what wasn't hers.
I pushed out of the crowd, flushed with fresh anger. Alcohol sounded really good, but I pushed it from my thoughts. Glancing about the room, I tried to spot a vibrant redhead or flirty blonde. Where were Lina and Cora? I hadn't seen them since we'd arrived.
Or Park, for that matter.
Or Oliver.
I'd almost forgotten him. It had been nearly an hour and there was no sign of the annoying boy that was haunting my thoughts. Why had he been so persistent that I come to the party if he wasn't even going to be present?
I slid into a corner of the room near the fridge where I could observe everyone in case one of my friends happened to appear. Taking out my phone, I sent my both of my friends messages asking where they were.
And then, much to my dismay, I finally gave in and texted a certain boy back.
Me: I'm here.
I sent the message, not sure of what else to say. "Where are you?" sounded like I cared too much.
My phone buzzed instantly.
Oliver: I know.
I paused and reread the text. He knew? He knew and he hadn't stopped to say "hi," or "hey," or "found you?" I had assumed the only reason he'd gotten me to come to the party was so he could bug me, and... and I didn't know.
Why had he wanted me to come to this party?
I moved to open the fridge, trying to ignore all the questions that came with simply knowing Oliver. While the party was raging on without me, I was exploring the contents of the kitchen. For a house of the size and of such impeccable taste, the refrigerator sure held only mediocre items on its shelves. I was sliding the milk across the top shelf when someone spoke, a soft "hey," that scared me to such an extend that my arm jerked. My hand knocked the milk. I watched in slow motion as it began to tumble towards the kitchen floor, surprise gluing me to the spot. Hands reached out and caught the milk carton before it could explode into a white pool on the polished wood.
"Jesus, knock the whole house down, why don't you."
Oliver placed the milk back on it's designated shelf in the refrigerator and allowed the door to close. My heart fluttered.
"Jesus," I copied, harsher than I intended, "scare the crap out of me, why don't you."
He blinked. "I don't know if you remember, but I did. Just now. Like four seconds ago."
I shoved past him. "Great. Check that off your bucket list." I started heading out of the kitchen. Outside - I needed to go outside.
A hand grabbed me arm and whirled me around. I was face to face with Oliver, his green eyes bright even in the dimly lit room. He pulled my arm lightly, and I tumbled even closer to him - so close I could feel the body heat radiating off of him.
"Let's start over," Oliver whispered. People were flooding the crowded room, but somehow, it felt like we were the only two people in the house. "Let's make a new introduction."
I nodded nimbly.
Oliver leaned impossibly closer, our noses centimeters apart.
And then he spoke, in a husky, rumbling voice, "Hello, Skylar, it's nice to see you again."
I shuddered as soon as he said my name. "Hello," I choked back. "Likewise."
He laughed, and the vibration of it thrummed against my body. He looked as if he knew exactly what he was doing to me. His green eyes sparkled, his hand was still holding mine, and his lips looked ever so kissable as he spoke.
"Welcome to the party."
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Hello hello! Happy Review Day!
I remember this story (and the oh so marvelous Oliver) from my reviewing last month, so here I am again! I'm going to focus on big picture thoughts and not get bogged down with nit-picky things today.


I think overall, you have an interesting story here. I think I mentioned this in the last review but I love me a good love story and you have some tropes working here that I love. I love a good love triangle. I love a good forbidden romance/will they won't they. I love a good bad boy. Etc. So there are a lot of elements here that are really working for me.
I have two big things for you to think about.
1. The characters. Now I haven't read this story from the beginning so I don't have the same knowledge or context as someone that has, but to me it feels like there are a lot of characters to keep straight. I think the hardest thing about having a lot of characters is that you have to balance all of them. They all need an arc (even if it's a really simple arc) and they all need a personality, and what can start to happen is that some of the characters fade into the background and become forgettable and some start to become caricatures, neither of which you want. All of your characters need to have a role and need to be important in some way beyond "he's her boyfriend" or "she's the cheerleader" or whatever. For each character think about what they add to the story and if the story could survive and make sense without that character. Also be careful that in your development of a character they don't turn into a caricature, or a cliche. The only one that is jumping out at me at this point that I feel could be in danger of falling into this category is Cora. Daddy issues leading to wanting to hook up a lot and not having healthy relationships with me (I know that happens, but it's also done a lot). How is Cora different and unique. What does she have to offer to the story beyond helping the MC step out of her comfort zone and hooking up with guys?
These are the kinds of things to be thinking about as you write, but really critically think about it once you've finished the first draft and go back to write the next draft. It's much easier to evaluate the functions of characters once you have a complete draft and know how everything plays out because some characters will surprise you! A character in one of my recent projects started as a minor character and doesn't have a huge role in the story, but I love her and as I was writing the more I wanted to include her. So now I know when I go to write the next draft she needs to have a bigger role and it needs to start earlier in the story.
2. The pacing. In this chapter I thought it was slow. The way the plot is moving forward in this chapter is she feels annoyed with the boyfriend because he's checking out another girl and she has a moment with Oliver. Both of those events happen pretty late in the chapter and we have to wade through other stuff to get to it. Obviously you need to establish the setting and develop subplots and things too, but I think those two points should be made a much bigger deal.
I think you can get into her feelings a lot deeper. I want an internal monologue. I want her voice to ooze through the pages. I want to know what's on her mind, how she thinks, and how she feels. Take me through these moments with her and show me everything she is experiencing. You've started to do that, and I think where you're running into some trouble is you're trying to show too much. We don't have to see every second of the party, we need to see the important parts of the party. I think you could cut out segments of this chapter you have the time and space to really develop the important parts. Again, something you'll have a lot more clarity about when you go to write the next draft someday.
I know both of these things - characters and pacing/showing can be really tricky and really confusing. I know I'm no expert and struggle with both of these things myself, so I don't bring them up to be critical but as things to think about as you're writing and as you go to revise (whenever that is). Please let me know if you have any questions or if you would like feedback about something I didn't mention!
I'm still very intrigued by this story and I hope to see more of it in the green room soon because I want to know how things are going to go down with Oliver. (I'm rooting for him even though I don't know if I should be :p) Her boyfriend seems a bit like a prick to me, I don't like his vibe. I just love how suave Oliver is and his sure confidence!! I love the little cliffhanger you put on the end of this chapter too, like now things can really start because they're together and they're starting over.
Hope to see more soon!
I totally see everything you critiques on, and will edit and work on those. Thank you so much, as always! Your opinion always helps a lot.
Cora is going to become a bigger character in the next few chapters, so I see what you mean by enhancing her a little more at the beginning.
Thanks again!
Hello Remington38 here
Don't you ever apologize for it being to long ever again! Because I wanted to to keep on going and never end. Honestly this feels like it would be a teen book on the shelves of Barns and Noble that i would buy. I have probably said that before, but each chapter never ceases to amaze me. I love how the character are growing and we are seeing different sides of them. Also I love the complexity of how this is going as well. How there are conflicting ideas and feelings that is relatable for a lot of teens. You are an amazing writer!
Aw, thank you so much! Being on the shelves of Barnes and Noble is my absolute dream, so for you to say that is awesome ^_^ thanks for reading and leaving this wonderful comment!
No problem you deserve it
I actually rewrote this chapter and completely changed the second half. I'm splitting it up because I wasn't entirely happy with the last results and I'd like to make the second part a little different.

I'd love if you could reread this chapter but absolutely do not feel like you have to
I would absolutely love to read it.