I have always hidden myself from everyone, even the people who claim to know me best.
I do this in varied ways: sometimes I emulate TV characters, other times I emulate friends and most times I emulate the society I find myself in.
There is no substance within, because once you take away the shreds that I keep piling on, there's nothing but me
And all I know about that me is nothing
I'm not the sweet innocent girl everyone thinks I am
I'm not the tough level-headed girl I try to pull off
I'm not the gothy girl I try to emulate and I'm not the friend you can always count on
I'm not the studious girl I come off as
And I- I just don't know who I am.
I want to know - but I dont know where to start?
Do I start from my past, my present or should I just say screw it and look to my future?
I'm lost but no one hears me and in my heart i feel no one sees me
I want to go home
And maybe it's time to do that.
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Hey there! To start, I think this is definitely an interesting way to write, it did do what I think you might have been hoping for, which was catch my attention, if only for a moment. One technical issue is that this (the first part anyway) is technically prose and not poetry, but it doesn't really matter I guess.
I would recommend breaking up the lines better so it's easier to read. I had a hard time focusing on what you were actually writing because I was expecting a poetry like form but ended up reading sentences and prose. So yeah, I'd break it up more.
Also, as for the actual material of the piece, I thought it the actual message could have been a little more even tone wise. The beginning held a different tone than ending, so it made things uneven and confusing as to the personality of the speaker.
I'm confused as to why you added the last part, so I won't say anything about it I guess.
Hallo!
First of all, let me say I was surprised. It was a good surprise, but a surprise nonetheless. I have no doubt that this is real poetry. You're saying what you mean and you mean what you're saying. I feel that the message was relatable, and the way you conveyed it was captivating. I truly liked it.
However...
I'm not quite sure I understand the letters and characters at the end of the poem. the "Preferences" line accentuates the message I think you're trying to convey, about not knowing one's true identity, but I'm not sure about the letters and numbers. However, I liked the languages. I don't know why, (and I don't want to go all language arts teacher on you!), but somehow I felt that it illustrated a point in your writing. Different languages, different people, different points of view, different disguises. I may be wrong, though.
Maybe you should have a line in there, like a simile or a metaphor (I don't know, like "I'm a keyboard". On second thought no, don't use that one, but you get the idea, no?) that tells the reader that the letters and characters have some sort of relationship to the poem. Otherwise, some people might just cast it off as a bored person typing away on a keyboard, and I think your message is much too deep to risk people misunderstanding it.
Well, apart from that, this was a very lovely surprise, and I loved it! keep on writing, and I hope you discover who you are
I love this. It doesn't matter if it ryhmes or not or just doesnt look like a "poem." Youre exprssing yourself, That's all that matters in poetry.
Hi there, I'm Aley and I'm here to give you a review.
First thing first, I was really nervous about reading this poem because I could see the end of it, and I can't say I think anything poetic about listing things on the keyboard. What might be more interesting is if you bolded something that you could spell with what you wrote down and just put it all together in maybe a few lines, like it shows up on the keyboard.
As for the poem itself, or the middle portion of it, I feel like the speaker really needs to sit down with someone more professional than I am, even though I'm sure most of us have been there before. As someone who's been through this, and who's come out of it on the other side, I don't feel very connected with the poem, especially when it is surrounded by this confusing gibberish of preferences. I feel like that's the speaker's answer and they're living in too much of a bubble to see that they've answered themselves. We have our preferences, and those preferences are part of what make us who we are. ALT four two six, period, ALT four two six. It's too much of a puzzle for me to sit here and try to straighten out why you as the poet, put the keyboard after the poem.
To improve the poem, and continue to work with the same theme, I would strongly suggest going through and creating a scene which says everything you want to say, then write as the speaker from that scene. Perhaps you want to do something with bullying, or something where the speaker is asked who they are by a stranger like how Alice in Wonderland was asked by the smoking caterpillar. This would make it easier to grab the reader and keep them interested in the poem. I hope to see the results of my suggestion. ^^