by Liminality, Arcticus, starlitmind
Hi you three @Liminality @Arcticus @starlitmind! I loved your poem collab so I wanted to drop by with a quick review for you ^^Aah wow I adore the imagery in the opening two stanzas. The idea of walking back and forth through a door frame, and then comparing that to waves lapping against a shore, is such a unique and unusual description - but it works super well and the image creates a bit of unease which suits this poem perfectly.I also enjoyed the simple rhyming scheme; it creates a lovely flow between the lines, it's subtle so it doesn't create the feel of a nursery rhyme, and it doesn't compromise the line structure or imagery at all! Honestly I would expect no less from three such talented poets ;) I have some more specific thoughts for most of the stanzas, so let's go through those as well!
we keep walking in and outlike waves moving to and fro at shore
is each grain swept away a momentthat could have been saved?
It's hard to restrain grains of sandin your hands as they escape
as they slip through your fingers, you knowthey were never meant to say.
Woooow that frame. It’s so creative and original at the same time, and it gives off such nature vibes it’s awesome. The poem is short, and yet each line is so effective and so unique in its very own way. I love the imagery, how it represents the way you try to hold on onto something that keeps slipping through your fingers. It’s beautiful. I know “beautiful” isn’t exactly the most descriptive word to use, since it kinda sounds like I’m in primary. But there’s literally no other word. There’s a beauty in this poem I just can’t find another word to use to describe it.(By the way, this has nothing to do with any of this review, but the frame kind of gives off this tribal sense to it. Like a tatoo. Which for a poem about the impermanence of things, is pretty ironic.) Aaa did hats pretty much it! I really don’t have anything to say about this poem except for praise after praise. So nice poem, and good job to Liminality, Arcticus and starlitmind
Hey Ducklin here to review!!!I really adore the flow of the poem it's really smooth and soft. The word use gives a good view of the message that you want to bring to the reader.The lay-out is aesthetically pleasing and something I first saw on the site, so it's nice to see that people try new things!The ending could have been a bit more powerful. sorry if it sounds weird but there is no better word to describe it.Overall was the poem fantastic,keep going-E.
112,496 Literary Works • 603,565 Reviews