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140,586 Literary Works • 673,540 Reviews
Locked. Plagiarism.
Four Words.
Thank.God.For.Google.
Below is a link to my search results of this thing...
http://ohh-so-many-quotes.xanga.com/
Please... actually write something so we can review it! Please!
-Jojo
This line breaks the flow of it all.
Ok, you need a couple of breaks here. Just like everyone has said. Sassykat's way of breaking it up looks fine to me. You also need some more punctuation. Other than that though it's really great *thumbs up*
I really like the last line, so make sure (if you revise it or anything) you don't change that part because it's really good
Keep writing,
Alzora
As others have said, this needs to be broken up into lines, like Sassykat has done above. Though I think if you do that, the line "and lots of lies" needs to be longer because it breaks the flow a bit so should be roughly the same length as the other lines. Once you've done that, it will flow well, and your rhyming is already good, so you'll have a nice little poem on your hands.
I agree with some of the other critiquers, break it up into descending lines instead of a group of run-on sentences.
Not sure I agree but it flows nicely nonetheless.
Keep writing,
~FW~
helloo lilprincess!
This is a nice write!! Even though it's pretty short, it has a lot of emotions in there.
I'll be your reviewer for today!
I would write it in another form though, so it would look more like a poem. But maybe that's just me
The one before me already took care of the typos so I'll just keep it at this
my favorite part:
Beautifully worded!
I hope this helped a little. I really enjoyed reading this and keep writing!!
-qaralynn-
Wow, you're good at this. I think I'll follow you now....*clicks follow.* Critiquing!
I won't add all the corrections this time, since they are repepepepetetive. Like the last one, you've used some punctuation, so I'd like to see that part fulfilled. Add periods when necessary, and capitalize the first word of each line. Hit return at the end of lines, to make it more poem-y and less block-y. Block-y poems tend to intimidate readers and makes the poem harder to follow in general.
You have amazing writing potential. I can't wait to see what you come up with next!