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16+

Pain

by Lilemogirl


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.


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122 Reviews


Points: 264
Reviews: 122

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Sat Apr 13, 2019 3:11 am
Anma says...



That's sad...
I hope your doing okay now!

I do suggest that you should mostly say, why, how you feel this way.
I mean you don't need to say anything personal.
But you can say something like I'm just super sad.
Either way its great.
The way you expressed your felling in this though.
It's really good, but sad.

Hope you feel better!

Keep up the good work!
Sincerely
Anma




User avatar
122 Reviews


Points: 264
Reviews: 122

Donate
Sat Apr 13, 2019 3:11 am
Anma wrote a review...



That's sad...
I hope your doing okay now!

I do suggest that you should mostly say, why, how you feel this way.
I mean you don't need to say anything personal.
But you can say something like I'm just super sad.
Either way its great.
The way you expressed your felling in this though.
It's really good, but sad.

Hope you feel better!

Keep up the good work!
Sincerely
Anma




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61 Reviews


Points: 4338
Reviews: 61

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Thu Mar 14, 2019 2:48 am
OofOof1 wrote a review...



That is so sad. Even though this is so short and has such good meaning. I'd like to congratulate you on that that you did a good job describing pain in one simple piece of art.

My only suggestion is that you tell the reader where this is coming from, was this poem just for fun, does this describe your life, there are endless possibilities that you could pick to do this poem. Tell my opinion I think the reader should know why you made this.

Anyway you did a good job and I don't really have much feedback except to maybe make this a bit longer, thanks.

Sincerely, you're clumsy little friend.




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105 Reviews


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Wed Dec 19, 2018 2:32 am
manilla wrote a review...



((Do you need someone to talk to? Ring me up, please, I can listen.))

--

Quick review - I know this is supposed to be a short work, but it would be great if you could extend it and add sensory, examples, and a broader vocabulary. This could be the introduction to something more, as well.

And if you put it under art, you could possibly rearrange the words to form the shape of an object that can be a symbol related to this poem. The possibilities are endless.

And last question - Are there any other types and ways to show the diverse experience pain?

That's all from me -
Manilla out.




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45 Reviews


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Tue Dec 18, 2018 10:28 pm
potatoefry2001 wrote a review...



I just wanted to say even the simplicity of this piece speaks VOLUMES.... Good job! I think for me in my life right now, this is true on so many levels. I have been trying so hard to not bottle things, but it's not the easiest thing to do. I don't think people need to suffer alone. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can private message me, and I will be more than happy to listen to you, and help you in any way that I can. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you. Anyways, Have a good day, and remember there are people here who care about you. Happy Writings and readings.




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158 Reviews


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Tue Dec 18, 2018 8:24 pm
FireSpyGirl says...



Amazing and so true!!





"The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. It is a sad spectacle to see the weaklings bruised, exhausted, fluttering back to earth."
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening