Young Writers Society

Hello hello! Happy RevMo! I'm here to bring this out of the green room for you my dear Lightsong (and I haven't forgotten about your novel! It's still on my list and I will get to it soon, I promise!)

I've said this before in other reviews, but one thing I really appreciate about your writing is that you write what you know, which is Malaysian culture. I also love that it feels natural. You don't throw it in our faces like look at me I'm writing in a non-Western culture! I'm unique! like someone not from this culture might do. You write your story and you throw in little details that show us this isn't happening in the States or in Europe, and that's awesome. As I'm sure I've said in other reviews, literary agents in the States looooove diverse authors and authentic diverse stories.

You also probably know by this point that I'm a sucker for a good little love story, and this (I think) is going to be a cute little love story. I like the mysteriousness of not quite knowing who this guy is and why she's into him and the mystery surrounding the note (although I'm pretty sure he gave it to her and maybe he's secretly into her too??) I also kind of loved that they play badminton. I know that's a competitive sport for many in the world, but I've just never seen it played that way. In the States it's usually played as just a fun yard game.

Onto the nitty gritty!

When I was thirteen, there was a crumpled piece of paper under my table. I thought it was someone’s rubbish, given to me as a gift for my nerdy reputation. It had happened, so it wasn’t surprising.

I went to the dustbin at the back corner of the class to throw it it and you came to me to ask what I was doing.

‘Don’t throw it,’ said you. ‘It’s not rubbish.’

‘Look, why don’t you check it first? There might be something in there.’

The position sucked because the teacher would be able to check your every move as effective as a CCTV camera, but it was excellent to hear what he or she said. Plus, I could always looked out from the window, seeing things that I would not be involved in, and ignored the rest of the students who would only care to whisper poisonous things about me with each other.

I should start my own Readers Movement.

Teach him or her a thing or two about the dangers my kind were facing from his or her kind.

How could you possibly know? That there was something written in the paper?

Hey there. Thought I'd drop a review on this.

So! Short but pretty interesting part. On the surface, not much happens, but I can already see things waiting to unfold.

Okay, so it's totally obvious what the point of the note was and who sent it, and I think it's kind of sweet. Your second person narration is interesting - I actually like how you use it here, only really using it when the 'you' is actually in the room, and not mentioning 'you' when he's by himself or talking to others.

I thought they felt older than 13 - maybe 15 or 16. Thirteen just feels too young for your main character's attitudes and such.

I like how you revealed your narrator's forbidden feelings. Well-done and somewhat subtle. It will be interesting to see how it plays out, if you ever write the next part.

I thought the little internal monologue about how he never has had any friends and how he feels out of place because of his bookishness (and, though we don't know it yet, his sexuality), was overall good but a little long. Just a little too much specific self-reflection, especially since the reclusive bookworm is a really common trope in teen fiction.

Specifics:

Plus, I could always looked out from the window

If the author was insecure enough to tell me what he or she wanted to tell, he or she would be insecure enough too to be seen as someone that was related to the paper.

Well, hello, lovely! I am Rache, as you know, and obviously, I'm here to review. You also know I review by rambling at you until I've managed to say something. I can't help it. I write to think.

My old bones got all insulted by the title of this, you know. Back in my day, paper messages were the *bomb*. We also didn't really have much of a choice in the matter, because texting and emailing wasn't common until I was at least in high school. So if you wanted to give someone a covert message, paper was the way to go. There was an entire artform dedicated to notefolding that I never mastered. But the 'you' character in this obviously went for the crumbled form of delivery, also acceptable. That works too.

I was quite glad the content matter wasn't "Do you like me? Check yes or no" because that would be rather cliched, though still probable. The content of the crumple contained the same sentiment, but in a way that showed You knew I fairly well. Had been watching I.

In the first half of this, I did think the narrator was younger, maybe 13 tops. In the second part of this, when Syafiq enters the picture, I thought of the narrator as older, maybe 16 or 17. The narrator's dialogue gave me that impression in the latter, as well as Syafiq's, and then the narrator's description of Syafiq was more mature than a 13 year-old's would be. Earlier, what gave me the impression that they were younger? It seemed to be they had only one teacher and classroom, rather than several. Which could be my American filters talking, but who knows.

I suppose I need to read part two to give you my full thoughts on things overall...

Oh! Back to the title. For such a bookish main character, "Lameness" seems very slang. Also, offensive to members of the Disabled community. Mayhaps another word? Inadequacy? Insufferability? Worthlessness? You know better than I what you want to imply.

Back to the story. I think I like how I'm left wondering whether Syafiq is also the person who wrote the note, the You. If so, I'm left wondering why you transitioned from a First-Second narration to a First-Third. Either can work just fine, I suppose.

Writing wise, nothing stood out to me (in a negative way.) I thought your narrator had a great voice that was consistent and relatable.

And apparently, I'm way more tired than I thought and my cat's purring on my lap and I think old me is in need of a nap. I shall find Pt 2 sometime soon. Please let me know if you have any questions! Hopefully I'll be more helpful once I'm a bit more awake.

Rache

Loved it. The story is so mysterious and there's a lot of questions unanswered, that make me want to keep on reading.
The adjectives used in the description of Syafiq were picked out carefully and they added a lot of character.
Not sure if you plan on continuing the story, but I'd love to read more of it!