Hey Light!
Happy review day!
I know it was a while ago that I said I would review this, but I was interested in continuing the novel and am here to share some words on this chapter. I know it has been a while since it has posted so I hope you don't mind! I found this chapter to be a pretty good one and it really shows how Shendelzare is maturing in her own way and becoming independent. She is remembering the words of her father and will use those to empower her, as well as feels brave enough to become queen and do everything that might demanded of her after she makes that step. I am so looking forward to knowing how the ceremony is going to go and what she will have to do afterwards.
I know you later on described the outside setting of the official court, but I have the feeling that it should be so majestic and grand that when she first pulls up it should take her breath away so all that she can think about is what it looks like. I think the description of this should be there. I especially think this because the description of the outside of the court is lumped with the description of the inside as well. All in one place it's quite a lot of description and occasionally it can be nice to have it spread throughout the chapter and easier for us as readers to take in. I just thought the positioning of that could be improved.
Another thing I didn't quite get here was the feeling of it being a wedding. Yes, you did described the setting of the inside and what everyone is wearing and doing. But I needed more of a grandiose feel to come from those descriptions. Not only in the clothing but in the furniture as well. Even if she is being married somewhat reluctantly, it is still a wedding all the same and not all of the guests will know that maybe one of the couple is not too willing to be married. In fact, I doubt many of them know this at all. So what I am expecting is to hear the excited chatter of all the people and the warm buzz that comes from thinking that two people who are in love are going to be united that day. In fact, you could even get people's stolen words into the novel, where we hear them thinking about what her dress might look like, who might say what, who will cry first and all those other things that people discuss before a wedding starts xD It would be nice to hear some of those murmurs and snippets of conversation.
Speaking of wedding feel, things aren't going exactly as they would do. From my fair share of weddings no one gets to see the bride until the time when she is announced. In our world it is walking down the isle but in others it might be something different. I feel like she would be taking a back entrance into this official court where she would be treated by other women to touch up her appearance. Maybe she would be able to look down on the courts and see all the people attending from some sort of balcony, but I doubt she would be able to waltz in and walk among them all without it ruining the wedding a bit and the surprise element that everyone seems to love so much. But maybe in this world there are some other traditions. I didn't see any in this particular chapter, but feel free to create your own.
I found the new elements of flying, and the technology of the roof interesting! I didn't know people could fly before and it adds a whole new element of fantasy to the novel. I think you should try and mention these elements a bit in the previous chapters as well so it doesn't come as a sudden surprise to the reader but that they get eased into it. But I think they are a pretty cool addition, so I liked seeing it in there!
Nitpick time
but he had relied a message to her before she left the castle.
I think you mean 'relayed' here, and not relied.
anyone that hasn’t put his live on the line for you
I think you mean 'life' instead of live.
When she entered it, she was reminded by the room structures that made it bigger than it looked like.
This sentence confused me, but I didn't quite understand what you meant to say? Maybe when she entered, she realised that the structure of the rooms was to make it seem bigger than the building really was? I think you need to choose some different words and rearrange the sentence a bit to make it understandable.
Please sat at the provided settees.
*seat.
I like this so much and I think the story has so much more that could happen after this wedding. The possibilities are endless! So don't give up on this novel and keep writing. Whenever you post more, do let me know on my wall or something so I can come and check it out. I want to be reading more soon. ^.^
Deanie x
Points: 67548
Reviews: 1634
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