Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Dramatic

12+

Unlucky 13 - Chapter 15

by Liberty


I stared out the window and saw a bird in a nest. It threw a little baby bird out of the window – and I assumed the bigger bird wanted the smaller bird to fly. The little bird started flying for a bit, but then it fell into the bushes below.

Sixth unlucky bird.

It was pouring, and we had only roamed around the old city for two hours after our encounter with Raven. Right now, as I looked through my phone, I didn’t know what to do.

I checked the time. 3:13 PM.

Ding.

A message from iMessages. I clicked on the notification and stared at the message hard.

Maryam: Ella is lying. Call me when u get the time. Luv ya. :)

I raised an eyebrow and grunted. Shutting off my phone, I leaned back into the car’s passenger seat. No one was driving yet because everyone was trying to figure out how to get home. Some of us were hungry and some of us were tired. Some of us wanted to go to the bathroom. Finally, it was decided that we would go to Wendy’s to dry off and eat some food.

Raven was with us.

Ave and I urged the others to be more open minded and to put themselves in her shoes. They considered it, and we brought her along begrudgingly. I kept stealing glances at the young woman, but my mind was elsewhere.

Who was my father? Was he really the father of Raven? Were Brittany – Raven’s mom – and Brad – my father – really husband and wife? Or was this all fake? Raven and Grace are both twins, meaning I would have older twin stepsisters. And I would have a stepbrother too. Carter. Carter would then be Ave’s step cousin.

When I told Ave of this thought – of them being step cousins – he was delighted.

I squirmed in my seat. Ave looked at me funny and I flashed him a smile, telling him it’s okay. He cautiously turned away and I exhaled. Taking out my phone again from my purse, I stared at the message.

Me: Can we talk now? Over text?

Thinking I wouldn’t get a reply anytime soon, I started putting my phone back, but I got a reply.

Maryam: …Sure

Me: Tell me now

Maryam: What?

Haha, very funny, Maryam. You don't know what I'm talking about. I rolled my eyes at the thought.

Me: Its now or never. Tell me now

Maryam: Okay okay

Maryam: When Ella said that Maddie ACCEPTED me and her in her group, that was a lie.

Me: What?

I started to get impatient, and was about to shove away my phone, when I got a reply.

Maryam: Maddie’s been bullying me. And so has Ella. They’re both evil, Jay. Maddie’s trying to do harmful things to Ella by making her do - idk, stuff like make up (something she hates, or should i say HATED?? you know Ella hates makeup). And can you believe that Ella lost last nights cross country competition? i was there watching the entire thing, and it looked as if she was doing everything on purpose. It was horrifying

Me: I am going to beat the hell out of that idiot! Whats her problem?

Maryam: Don’t. She’ll get her guy friends to beat us into pulp

Me: Who cares!? I'll kill her. And Ella? How could she?

Maryam: I know…

Maryam: She’s doing bad at school too. And she’s bunking classes; we're literally only in grade 8

Me: This is insanity. I’ll call you later tonight. Our flight back is tomorrow afternoon

Without waiting for a reply, I closed the ringer, shut my Samsung, and buried it deep within my purse. Which wasn’t possible, since I always carry around small around-the-shoulder purses.

Much to my surprise, I noticed Ave looking at me, concerned. Thank goodness we – including Tim – were the only ones at the very back of the minivan. If we were in the middle seats, someone would’ve poked their head towards us, asking what happened. I lowered my head and covered my face with my beanie, and like the usual sleepyhead I am, I dozed off.

+++

“Get. Up. Get. Up. Get. Up.” Izzy growled into my ear over and over again. Bolting up right, I drowsily looked around the car.

Izzy.” I groaned. Everyone was inside the house by now, and it was only me and Izzy in the car. I rubbed away the sleepiness from my eyes and goggled at my sometimes-mature-and-sometimes-immature younger cousin.

“I’ve been trying to wake you up for the past year.” she said dramatically. I shoved her out of the way and jumped out of the car. The rain had cooled down to a drizzle. “Hold up!”

“Sure thing,” I grinned, skidding to a sudden halt, making Izzy – who was running on my heels – bump into me.

She whined and shoved me out of the way. I laughed, striding into the house. “Cool down, you guys!” Ave called out from the top of the stairs. He was looking down. “You don’t want to break your heads, do you? The floor’s slippery with all the wet shoes that ran in here.”

Izzy and I grinned up at him. “The way you’re standing up there seems like you’re going to fall off any minute.” Izzy said, sassily. Turning red in the face, Ave walked away. We grinned at each other and crossed the hall to enter our room. We changed into comfortable clothes. Me in an off the shoulder pastel pink sweater paired with cargo pants and Izzy in a t-shirt and faded ripped jeans.

Ave came into the room and flopped on the bed. I sat down next to him. “Where’s Ra–”

“I knew you’d ask. She's down in the living chatting with Grams." he said, smiling.

"Oh."

"You want to see her, don't you?" he asked, crossing his arms, and smirking at me.

I shrugged, "I dunno, really." I paused. "I have a step-sister."

Ave grinned. "And I a step-cousin, also known as my best friend."

We laughed, and Izzy re-entered the room, carrying a tray with three milkshakes. My stomach growled.

"There you are, Ave!" she beamed, handing him a cup. He gratefully accepted, and started chugging it down. Izzy handed me mine, and I sipped it carefully. Izzy flopped onto the bed, and gleefully drank hers.

"Today was tiring." Izzy mumbled, staring out her window. She had suddenly gone pale. "I've honestly never seen Tim that way. Only when he's super upset."

"Yeah. Kinda crazy, considering who he is." Ave replied.

I stayed silent, and took a gulp of the milkshake.

"Anyway." Ave said, took a sip, and continued. "Do you think Carter knew all this?"

I shook my head.

"Oh. And what about Nathaniel? Or... whatever the poor kids' name was." he said quietly.

I felt a pang in my chest. Who would kill their child? Who would be so cruel as to kill their baby boy? Shuddering, I took the last sip of my milkshake and set it on Izzy's side table, where the tray lay.

"Are you gonna go see Raven or what?" Izzy said suddenly, after she had finished all of her drink, and had put her glass on the tray as well.

"I dunno." I muttered.

I got up and left the room. The other two knew exactly what I was going to do, so they kept quiet. I was grateful for their non-verbal support, even though I felt only irritance towards them. Once I had reached the end of the stairs, I froze. Oh my gosh, what am I doing?

I didn't get to finish the rest of my thought because at that very moment, Raven had gotten out of the living room, and we were facing each other. My throat became dry, and I felt very self-conscious all of a sudden. I expected her to walk away, but she smiled kindly at me. That was worse that a slap in the face to me. Gulping, I slipped her a smile as well.

"Hey." she said awkwardly. "Um, d'you wanna talk?"

"Um, y-yeah, sure, I guess." I spluttered and followed her back into the room. What is wrong with me? I should be comfortable with her. But the way she was acting made me feel as if I had never met her. I sat down on the couch the way I had the first time I came here – cautiously, as if I might ruin the white leather couch.

"I'm sorry." Raven said quietly.

I looked up so suddenly, I thought I cracked a joint. "Y-yeah."

"I'm really sorry, Julia."

"Mhm." I hummed, afraid to speak anymore.

"Julia, please look at me." – I did so reluctantly – "I mean what I'm saying. Mother has forced me to do all this nonsense just so she could get "revenge"." – she made quotation marks in the air, rolling her eyes – "She hates your mother's guts because she "stole"" – again the quotation marks – "Daddy. Or, Brad. But I know the truth. Your mother and our father fell in love with each other first. Daddy's family weren't satisfied with Anthea, so they forced him to marry Mother. Then, when me, Grace, and Carter were born, they divorced. Some financial stuff, and they didn't really love each other anyway." she took a deep breath.

"And then, Brad – I mean, Dad? – married Mum." I finished. I thought that this was the end of the story, but she continued.

"You had maids. And one of them was double agent sort of person. And..." she gulped.

"Mother forced her to burn your mansion. And..." she let out a sob, and I started. "S-sorry. I feel so guilty about everything." she explained, then, as I felt a pang in my chest, I walked over to her, and sat, looking at Raven, genuinely smiling. She broke into more sobs, and dropped her head onto my shoulder, her chest heaving. "And then... Mum got married again and gave birth to Nathaniel. She got drunk one day, and she killed him. Our baby brother. She killed him while being drunk. And she never regretted it even when she got out of her state."

Unsurely, I wrapped my hands around her, and held her in an embrace.

I knew this was all the truth.

"I'm so sorry for being so wicked. You have no idea how much it would mean to me if you had forgiven me." she whispered.

"I forgive you." I said softly.

And I meant it. Truly.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
378 Reviews


Points: 61859
Reviews: 378

Donate
Mon Nov 11, 2019 7:00 am
View Likes
EternalRain wrote a review...



What up Liberty!

I'm finally catching up! Mwuahahah.

So! I thought this was a really good chapter. We get this balance of annoyed Julia, funny Julia, and kind Julia all in one. I really liked this, because I think it's developing Julia's character even further. Her convo with Maryam came across as a little harsh to me, though! I thought the whole beat up thing was Julia joking/an exaggeration but then it turned a bit real when Maryam said her friends would beat Julia up. o-O Again, not sure if I'm just missing the joke (honestly a very likely option) or what, but thought I'd mention that! But Maryam! I'm so glad Julia is finally reaching out to at least one of her friends. And this conflict between Ella and Maddie and Maryam and Julia is super interesting - some good old school/friendship drama! I'm excited to see where this goes and what Maddie's true motives are.

Finding out Raven is Julia's step-sister is so nice! Everyone seems to be taking it fairly well, which I'm happy about. So far, things have seemed to mellow out a fair amount; besides Julia's troubles with her friends, the conflict seems to have disappeared.... but I've got a feeling in my gut there's about to be bad things around the corner!

Also, what happened to Raven's twin??! It's been a little while so I can't recall, exactly, when we last saw her but I feel like she disappeared!! Even if you are wanting to pull her away from the story, I recommend maybe adding a little something for the reader that explains her absence so she doesn't just POOF. In a situation like this, Grace seems like an important factor??? Hopefully we get to hear more about her!

One last itty bitty tiny thing about dialogue formatting - a lot of the periods can be changed to commas! For example,

"I forgive you." I said softly.
can become "I forgive you," I said softly. This is the format for dialogue tags and I think it's just because it smooths the dialogue into the sentence.

That's it for today!!! :D

Peace,
~EternalRain




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review! And yes, I half forgot about Grace so I'll add her soon. :P



User avatar
127 Reviews


Points: 6630
Reviews: 127

Donate
Fri Nov 08, 2019 8:10 pm
View Likes
xJade wrote a review...



LIBS!! It has been too long since I last reviewed this but I swear I have been reading and keeping up with the drama XD!


I do feel Raven's story is a bit unbelievable, her parents should be more mature than her, but I also feel it adds to the story.. I LOVE all the little details you add to the book, it makes it so real and just adds another dimension. <3

I SAW A SPELLING MISTAKE! HA TAKE THAT XD. Truely is truly. That made me too happy XD

You are so good at making the suspension and the tone feel sober, I love it. You are really talented and I hope this doesn't feel rushed or anything, because I love this book so keep tagging me! <333 Keep writing please




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review! And I'll get to the spelling mistake. Thanks! xD



User avatar
1231 Reviews


Points: 55947
Reviews: 1231

Donate
Fri Nov 08, 2019 2:08 pm
View Likes
JabberHut wrote a review...



OMG THAT POOR BIRD. I'm so happy you're keeping up with these unlucky birds. So much fuN THOUGH SO SAD, THAT POOR BIRD. D:

omg it's 3:13. Did you know that's one minute away from the best time in the world? 3:14 IS THE BEST TIME IN THE WORLD. FIGHT ME.

Oh okay, Maryam. That doesn't sound at all passive aggressive. It's been a while, but I wonder what Ella's been lying about exactly. That they weren't at the park with Maddie? That she isn't friends with Maddie? WHAT DRAMA IS THIS HINTING AT HNNNNNNNNNNNNNG

I feel like they'd go to Wendy's to dry off and eat comfort food, not necessarily to freshen up.

RAVEN???

I find it hilarious that they urged the adults to keep an open mind. I guess that means they told them everything Raven had said last chapter? Did Uncle Sim try dialing 911 or something? I BET IT WAS A DRAMATIC MOMENT.

Julia seems impatient texting Maryam. She must be, like, super angry that she's even talking to Maryam if she's this level of upset. Impatiently prodding Maryam to "Tell me now" and "It's now or never" shows a lot of character in that Julia can be very pushy and stubborn when angry. (Especially because this is a text conversation that REQUIRES patience for a long message to be delivered. I don't want to say ignorant, but it's impatient and shows lack of reason/understanding for Maryam's position right now.) It's also this "I have the high ground" approach where Julia seems almost self-righteous, that she is not in the wrong and everyone else is and they owe her an apology, not the other way around. It's a surprising spin on her character, which is why I'm kinda babbling about it to make sure I'm getting the right idea. It's not a bad thing at all -- in fact, it can be very accurate for girls her age to react this dramatically -- it's just a surprise! And that's also good! So it's just me analyzing her character aloud so that you can decide if I'm getting the right idea about Julia's emotions. :D

HOW DARE THEY BULLY MARYAM ?? She must not be much of a storyteller 'cause I'd be one of those people like "Okay so ever since you left, maddie has been a jerk to me by writing permanent marker all over my text books and spilling soda over my homework and shoving me in the hallways. I even got a scratch on my cheek from getting pushed into a locker!" and like telling her everything. Maryam gets straight to the point, telling Julia only what she needs to know. XD It's awesome, and again, shows character! Maryam doesn't dwell on ideas, she just gets straight to it and wants her friends to be happy. She also, apparently, has an eye for bullies because even when I was bullied, I was too reserved or even shy to really acknowledge them as such. Maryam is like "OKAY BULLY I KNOW WHO YOU ARE" and, again, just gets straight to the point of labelign even Ella a bully -- someone she thought of as a friend. She's very intuitive, I think.

MARYAM, MAKEUP ISN'T HARMFUL. unlses ella's, like, allergic. then that's harmful.

DOES MADDIE USUALLY GET HER GUY FRIENDS TO BEAT PEOPLE UP FOR HER. IS THAT A THING. omg maddie is a witch. I guess a really pretty and charismatic one if her guy friends are so eager to just beat people up for her.

I feel like it's been only a week or two since Julia's been gone. I don't think Ella can be considered flunking yet since school just started and they're probably only just getting their first assignments back with plenty of time to make up for her poor grades later. But she certainly could have been getting zeroes on those first assignments or even skipping classes. I don't know what Maddie does, but it seemed a little soon for Maryam to know that Ella is flunking school.

omg izzy how obnoxious XD

LOL TAKE THAT, IZZY.

SHE'S DOWN IN THE LIVI

“I knew you’d ask. She's down in the living chatting with Grams." he said, smiling.


She's down in the livin'
chattin' like a villain'
to the wise ol' nan with the product of her knittin'

#icanraptoo

I love milkshakes.

This felt kind of like an awkward transition and almost forced Julia to meet Raven, so I imagine it will be revisited later. They didn't seem to talk about anything as they were drinking milkshakes, and the only things ever said were about pushing Julia to talk to Raven. I feel like Julia just talked to Raven, getting the whole story in the antique shop and having her in the car the whole time -- like, Raven probably had to answer interrogating questions the entire time, and everyone had to listen and so I wonder what Julia wants to talk about that hasn't been covered yet!

Dude, Avery is also adorable with his "I have a step-cousin" thing. XD MY BEST FRIEND IS MY COUSIIIIIIIIIN it is kinda cool to think about.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

omg the ending is so cute. I got goosebumps!!!

I think it makes sense for Raven to just keep calling him Brad. She doesn't really have reason to call him Dad if, after the divorce, she was trained to call him Brad instead. Normally, the kid would continue calling him Dad after a divorce, but it sounds like her mother trained her to call him by his name instead, which is interesting to think about because her mother's gripe was with Anthea, not Brad. I wonder why her mother would insist on calling him Brad unless she just wanted to break ties with them altogether, but it sounds like her mother was psychotic and probably wanted Brad back as her children's father, so perhaps calling him Daddy/Dad makes MORE sense for Raven. I dunno. One or the other and just stick with it, no need to have her hurt herself trying to figure out what to call her deceased father.

This was also REALLY cool to read after having read the short story you posted before about this. It probably helped a lot when writing this scene because you were able to describe exactly what had happened here. Though I probably would say Mother ordered the maid to burn the mansion if the maid was a double agent, implying the maid was willingly working for her Mother in a way. Like, the maid still made the decision to follow orders and burn the mansion.

Poor Raven. I feel like she probably told this story a few times now because the adults will all be inquiring about it, Tim might even be asking about it, and now Julia.

This was a good ending. c: It gave me goosebumps again. Well done!!

Jabber, the One and Only!




Liberty says...


Thanks so much for the review! They're always so ridiculously helpful - I'll keep everything in mind. (:




The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.
— Chinese proverb