I feel
chilled here.
Easy to disobey the rules,
And I swear I'm not doing this to be cool.
Cool is an insect I will crush underfoot!
I'd rather bury my head in a book,
to avoid the dirty looks.
Looks are what people give me when I walk by,
That's why I avoid looking them in the eye.
And I try and stay hidden with a disguise,
That works from time to time.
But time is something that I'm running out of
Running out of...
I wanna run out of here!
It's an internal war that I can't win,
Because of my hopeless fear
I can't speak out.
I have to stay hidden.
And walking out of here is illegal
Forbidden!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello,
This is really good. It makes you think about how kids can be. It makes me remember being in school. Also how they made me feel for being a little slower then they were. So this touches me, and makes me feel good about what I have accomplished in life. After school I felt more confident then when I was school. I look forward to read more of your work. Keep up the good work.
I honestly love this poem. It has such a good balance between childish expression and duplication of school, mixed with deeper emotion. You cover the actual part of the poem the reader has to think about with an excellent rhyme scheme and you have to almost read it twice to see it but in a good way. In my opinion very very good voice, to the point where I read it with the inflictions and voice of a middle or Jr. high schooler. I don't know if that's what you were going for but it was very easy to relate to. Nice job! Only complaint is to maybe use a Slightly more expanded vocabulary but if you wanted to correlate it to a student writing it that would be perfect.
I'm so sorry if this is based on your school experiences right now, and if it is I want you to know that you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. *virtual hug*
Anyways onto the review!
I'm not sure why you've linked back to the poem, but I really thought you did a great job on this! The rhyming style suited it so much, and overall I thought this was really powerful. Sometimes it doesn't run as smoothly as it could, but you can easily fix that so its not a big deal.
Overall really well written!
Anne