Published December 3, 2004
I thought I’d found a friend in you,
I thought you were my best,
But in thinking that, I was amiss,
For you’re no different than the rest.
I trusted you with everything,
I thought our times were true,
Now it seems our bond has broken,
& I must bid those times adieu.
I suppose our feelings changed,
& soon our memories will lie,
In the place full of forgotten hopes,
Friendships & dreams that die.
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139,430 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
I can tell that this poem is filled with strong feelings, and I have felt them too. I can definitely relate to this poem, and I think it was well written, except for a few lines that need minor editing. The last line would make more sense if you added an "and" at the beginning, so you are including it in the last statement. Lastly, the second line needs a period at the end. That's all, amazing poem!
Haha, thank you so much but this is actually a very old poem.
I think I've gotten at least a little better since then. = )
The language in this poem just doesn't do a thing for me. There's a way to use simple language like this and make it work in poetry, but you just didn't accomplish that here. I've said this before to other people and I'll say it here: really good poetry requires a really good understanding of language. You need to find ways to make words work for you. What words paint an image in your mind? What words slap you across the face? What words are silly, boring, inviting, expressive, etc? You just need to experiment a little and observe how words are used. It will help you to do some reading, and by reading I mean from all kinds of authors. Read some Shakespeare, then something more modern. Just read, read, read. Then when you feel like you know how you can adequately get your message across with language, have another go. Right now with what you've given me I feel no sort of emotion, and this has no lasting impact on me at all. I'm sure with an idea of this magnitude that's what you want to go for. Don't give up, but just think about it next time before you try again. Good luck!
Great job. The way you described it, the rythem, it just let me know what happened. What was going on. How it felt. Ect, ect... I don't see anything that need improvement, though I'm sure plenty of other people can.
I really liked it. Although in most poems ryhming makes it sound silly, it really works here.
I ain't much of an expert on poetry but - i loved it! mim x
That was good. The rhyming was...wow, amazing.
I love it!
I like it! It reminds me of something I'm going through at the moment.
Agreed, thanks!
Good poem. I liked it. Just one little thing. The comma in the last line after Friendship should be taken out. It sounds better when you read it out loud.
Otherwise, awesome poem.