I’m lost and I’m lonely, my eyelids are closing,
Somewhere along the way I grew tired
And I’m tired as hell.
So I’ll fall fast into a dream and if only for a moment,
If only for a moment, in your arms I’ll find myself.
I tried to turn right.
Maybe I was wrong all along?
The faces are strange and the places aren’t home,
Now I’m tired as hell,
Now I’m lost and I’m all alone.
My eyelids are closing, I’m falling fast asleep.
The people are strange, there’s no sign for the street.
I’m lost and I’m lonely, my eyelids are closing,
Somewhere along the way I grew tired
And I’m tired as hell.
So I’ll fall fast into a dream and if only for a moment,
If only for a moment, in your arms I’ll find myself.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Thank you very much! I have to admit that I look at what I wrote and it screams "song lyrics", but I greatly appreciate the feedback!
this is very good, as i reread it a couple times, new meanings kept popping up. the last time i read, i made me think of a young runaway. taking a wrong turn,
with strange faces and unable to find the street.
i also liked the visualization your words created.
very lonely and lost jumped out.
very well written, keep going
kim
I really liked this. I love how the repetition suggests weariness, and the internal rhyme which you have in certain lines is really great.
(E.g "I'm lost and I'm lonely, my eyelids are closing." "wrong all along"), and I enjoyed the half-rhyme of "hell" and "self."
I loved how you introduced a double meaning for "right" by following it with "wrong." The second stanza flowed beautifully. The couplet which follows was great, and again I loved the half-rhyme.
I'd change the last line of the second stanza to "Now I'm lost and alone", as I think it works better.
I'm not too sure about the last two lines of the first and last verses...they're bothering me for some reason, maybe the length, but I can't quite put my finger on it...I know that isn't very helpful, I'm sorry, but I would take another look at them and see if you could possibly come up with something that would maybe flow more easily.
Other than that, I love what you've done here, and I hope this helps.
Jas