Published June 18, 2005
I wish that I could look into your mind,
Just so I can see how many times I cross it,
Before you came along I had one,
But I met you, fell, and completely lost it.
I wish that I could control my feelings,
To be honest I’m so scared I could pee,
I’m afraid that things won’t work out,
Exactly how I imagined - perfectly.
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141,407 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
Although it does seem to lack deep emotion, I liked it.
There were a few lines that I especially liked.
"I wish that I could look into your mind,
Just so I can see how many times I cross it"
I liked how you started the poem out with that line. It's a "cutesy" line, but it's somewhat catchy in my eyes.
"To be honest I'm so scared I could pee"
That was definetly...different. (In a good way though. It kept my attention.)
The only criticism I have is try to show a deeper emotion in your writing.
I'll have to agree, it had no depth. Seems like you're waiting...waiting...waiting...and still waiting for something to happen. While I was reading this, I imagined a little girl in a patchwork dress holding a droopy daisy reciting her poem in a tiny little sleepy voice. I think the best part was where you said you could pee. If it wasn't for that, I probably wouldn't have kept reading. By the way, is there a series to be expected or is this one of many already out? I'm sure you could do better and I look forward to seeing it.
Thanks,
It was really cute I guess I could say. I didn't really find a lot of emotion...just a soft neatly put together piece of work. It's not really my style, but it was interesting and kept me reading.
"You’re everything I want and need,
You’re everything that I adore."
That was awesome.