z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Champion Chapter 1

by Lezuli


----author's note---

This is the first chapter of a book I'm writing. I likely won't post any more chapters, but I want to see what you guys think about it. Please don't hesitate to review it at any time!

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Left. Right. Down. Up. Diagonal. Thrust. The movement of my sword was as familiar to me as the feel of my own skin.

Wielding a blade, to me, was like wielding an extension of my arm, a part of me that fit right in place. For most people, a blade was something foreign, something both feared and respected. For me, a blade was more at home with me than my blood family. I trained, I fought, I did everything I could do to protect people. To make sure my blade wasn’t used to harm those that did nothing to deserve it. I was a fighter, a killer, but I wasn’t a murderer.

The battle unfolding in front of me was everything to me right now. All the world had narrowed to a pinprick, blades clashing in a rhythmic pattern. Strike, parry, recoil, strike, parry, recoil.

I continued forward, focusing on my target with every ounce of concentration I could muster. My target, for their part, was being extremely annoying by continuing to dodge me. I gritted my teeth and pressed on.

My thin sword didn’t look like it could deal much damage, but all I needed was one good hit and I could kill. Each stroke was full of power and malice as I pressed forward, backing my target into a corner. My target continued to dodge, using their own blades and weapons to parry. Using their knowledge of how I fought to their advantage.

But I knew how they fought, too. If I could just back them into a corner and make it look like they were going to die, their guard would drop. For just half a second at most, an unnervingly small margin of error, but a good one nonetheless. After all, no one keeps their composure when they think they are going to die. Even one as adept at controlling their emotions during battle as my target.

I pressed on. Just a little more. My breaths were coming faster now, my blood rushed in my veins and my skin felt hot. I was exhausting myself. Not an easy thing to do when your body has been Edited to prevent that very thing from happening. But what could I say? My target was just that good. Fast and strong with deadly accuracy and stealth. They were the perfect opponent for one like me who specialized in close-quarters combat.

I grinned, I knew my eyes had to be manic by this point, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was this. This battle, this trike, this win. This would be it.

There! I had backed them far enough now was the time to strike! Quick as I cobra, I wrenched my arm up from its downward tilt, surprising my target who fell back with a grunt of surprise as my blade passed within inches of their neck. Inches from their life. That fall was all it took to knock them off their balance a bit. I grinned, flush with the feeling of victory and pulled back my sword, ready to thrust it to the final blow. A strike to the heart and this match would be finished.

[...!]An ear-piercing whistle shot through the air like the blow from a gun. The sudden break in my concentration caused me to seize up and briefly slow down, but that was all it took. My target regained his senses and melted away to shadow.

Safe from my blade.

Safe from me.

Dang it.

“Come on, Kade!” I complained, whirling around. I would have thrown my hands up in the air to punctuate my statement, but doing something like that was a considerably bad idea when one was holding a sword. “I was this close to beating him!”

“Nova,” Kade said warningly, “I had called ‘halt’ five times. Neither one of you were listening.”

Kade was what a normal person would call extremely scary. Lithe, pale, dressed all in black, and tall at 6 foot something or other, roped with muscles, dotted with scars, and jabbed through with piercings. His bright purple eyes shone with a predatory gleam and were partially covered by his jagged black hair. But the hair and eyes couldn’t distract from the pointed ears and sharp, jagged teeth truly marking him as inhuman.

According to school rumor, Kade used to be a Hunter in the Wild Hunt until War recruited him from retirement to serve as a teacher in our fair school. After all, an ex-military Paranormal with a violent temper would seem out of place anywhere but here. One of the five diver Academies, the Academy of Courage, training grounds for future monster hunters and soldiers. We needed people like Kade to reach our full potential. I didn't know whether I believed the rumor or not, but I knew Kade was skilled.

In short, Kade was badclass(I do not swear) and 100% terrifying. Even a person like me was afraid of getting on his bad side.

“Ah, come on, Chief!” Relli said lightly, winking at Kade. “That’s far from the record of extremes we’ve had to go to break Nova’s battle concentration! Remember the time I had to hit her over the head and knock her out to get her to stop?”

100% terrifying, that is, if you were anyone but Relli. Who had absolutely no problem mocking authority of any kind, no matter how powerful. Of course, that might be because what was assumed for humans didn’t quite translate to a kitsune like Relli. With his bright white hair and slanted yellow eyes, he definitely didn’t look like a human. Though the point was driven home by the two fluffy fox ears sticking up from his hair and the fluffy tail swishing behind him.

“Didn’t she almost cut off your head because of that, though?” Alex asked Relli from where he was sitting on the edge of the bleachers. At sixteen years old, Spark Alexander was what was classically described as extremely good looking. He was tanned and muscled, with artfully messy honey blonde hair (that I knew he spent at least a half-hour each morning arranging) and sparkling blue eyes. He was wearing a typical Courage uniform, a black coat with blue lines that indicated our status as Second Stages. His pants were black as well and he was wearing sturdy black boots with metal tips.

“Eh,” Relli shrugged, not sounding too concerned. “I’m a fox. I can totally dodge her strikes.”

“Enough,” Kade interrupted from between gritted teeth. “You are the ones who asked me to supervise your extra training.”

“Actually,” Alex volunteered. “I believe my exact words were, ‘Kade, can you teach me how to shoot ten arrows simultaneously?’ and they,” he indicated me and the target, “Were the ones who wanted the extra training. And now that I have achieved my goal, can I leave?”

Kade ground his jagged teeth even more. I sighed, why was Alex riling up Kade? Nothing good ever came out of annoying a teacher. “No. Stay here or I will kill you and they will never find your body.”

“Sorry, Kade,” London said, coming up beside me and mopping sweat from his brow, “We’ll try and pay attention to you more.”

Shade London, formerly known as ‘the target’, was a few inches taller than Alex, his jet black hair that reflected the light like ink and fell into his dark eyes in a way that had made me concerned he couldn’t see very well when I had first met him. His skin was pale despite all the time he spent outside with me and Alex. He was lithe, graceful, and stealthy even when walking, like a panther stuffed inside human skin. He was wearing a dark shirt and shorts for exercising.

Next to the two boys, I stood out as well, only for a different reason as them. I was shorter than either boy, the averageness of my height ticked me off sometimes, but there was nothing I could do about it. I didn’t mess with my genetics with my powers, I didn’t want to risk it. My skin was faintly tanned, not yet reaching the vampirific shade I commonly possessed in winter, but not tanned from summer either. My eyes were softly pointed and some shade between blue and grey. Though what truly made me stand out was the wavy hair hanging to my shoulder blades. The top half was a normal dirty blonde, the color of burnt honey, but the lower half was bright scarlet. The color of fresh blood on snow.

The three of us, London, Alex, and I, were a Team. A group of divers bonded together through magic. Stronger with each other, better together, literally friends to the end.

“Yeah,” I nodded, walked over to Alex, who tossed me a bottle of water and I took a swig. “We shall indeed listen to you. After all, it isn’t everyday we get one-on-one training from a Paranormal legend like this.” I winked to punctuate my statement. This wasn’t strictly true considering Kade was our main teacher and we saw him every day of the school week. Maybe I wasn’t as innocent as I would have liked to say when it came to teasing Kade. Whoops.

Kade rolled his eyes to the heavens as Alex and Relli snickered, “Why did I agree to help you?”

“‘Cause we’re the greatest divers to have been born in generations and you need to train us to be the best we can be?” I guessed, glancing at the label of the water as I spoke. I grabbed for the dark leather sheath lying next to Relli and slid my sword into it. The sound of metal on leather made a satisfying swish noise. I slung the sheath onto my waist and buckled the straps with practiced hands. I wore my swords on my hips and on my back, in training I would use either location, but in battle I preferred to keep them on my back. It left room for the rest of my weapons and got in my way less. “You know, so the Society can benefit the most from our abilities, and the magical worlds can live in peace knowing we’re out there protecting them?” I continued, glancing back at Kade with a smirk. “Just a guess.”

Kade continued to stare at the ceiling.

“I think you broke the teacher,” Relli leaned in, grinning.

“I did not,” I protested, elbowing him in the side.

Relli just smirked. Relli was not a member of our Team. He was a kitsune, a wild fox shapeshifter of the Otherworld, more beast than human. He had been my partner before London and Alex and had the sort of staggering loyalty rarely found in humans. When I had joined the Society of Divers, I wasn’t sure if he would actually join me, but I was over the moon when he had.

“Sir,” I said to Kade, realizing that ticking him off would likely end in grueling physical punishment tomorrow. “I’m sorry I broke you, it was not my intention.”

Kade lolled his head down to glare at me, pretending like he hadn’t heard me. “London, Nova, look sharp.”

I grinned in a self deprecating fashion, took a final swig of water and walked over to where London was standing in front of Kade.

I sidled up to London and passed him the bottle of water. London nodded his thanks to me and took a sip of the water. When he tilted his head back I caught a glimpse of the tatoo inked just above his collar bone at the side of his neck. The tattoo looked like a full moon with a black crescent line inked through it and diamond-tipped spikes extending from the perimeter of the moon. He had told me he had had it all his life and didn’t actually know its origin. I had always been curious about it, but thought it too personal to pry.

“All right!” Kade snapped. “Review! Nova, as always, you excel in close-quarter combat. This surprises no one since you are a melee fighter.” There was a strong note of derision in Kade’s voice that most people would think was an insult but one that I had come to understand was simply the way Kade spoke. “London, you are getting better at blocking her strikes with your shadows, I’m aware that you are better at mid-range combat and ambushes, but you need to also be able to fight someone as fast and strong as Nova in a close-quarter fight. Nova, I’d suggest shaking up your sword technique, you are predictable when you fight for too long.”

“I am?” I asked questioningly. Huh, I had never noticed that before. London shot me a look at my outburst that pretty clearly telegraphed: ‘shut up’. I mimed zipping my lips so I could pay attention to the rest of Kade’s sentences.

“London,” Kade carried on, without giving any mention to my outburst. “You need to get better at taking the advantage in close-quarter combat. Once you lose the element of surprise you primarily switch to defense, which doesn’t always work.”

“Yes, sir!” London nodded, straightening his spine and nodding.

“And that’s all for your physical training,” Kade sighed.

“Sweet!” I cheered, stretching my arms over my head, my sword bounced against my thigh in a comforting manner. “I can’t wait to get back to our dorm. I ordered a new book I’m totally dying to read!”

“Hold it,” Kade said, grabbing the back of my red sports tank as I tried to walk past him. “We’re not done here.”

I glanced back at Kade, a bad feeling spreading through my chest. “Huh? What do you mean ‘not done’?”

“I still need to review your knowledge,” Kade replied smugly, still holding on to me.

I backpedaled so fast Kade couldn’t hold on to my shirt anymore, “Why?” I asked, putting my hands on my hips. Dang it, I was tired and wanted to get back to the dorm, and I had a bad feeling that mouthing off Kade earlier was already coming around to end badly for us. “We didn’t ask you to help with that.”

“Yes,” Kade said, smiling with sardonic sweetness at me, “But I’m asking anyway, even the Ultra Diver needs rudimentary review once in a while. Alex, get over here, I’m testing you too.”

“Do I have to?” Alex asked, it seemed like he thought he could be exempt from Kade’s questioning just because he hadn’t been part of our extra training. Kade glared at him and Alex husted over to reach us.

“Nova, you start,” Kade said to me, “Tell me about you divers and your jobs.”

I squinted at him, this was basic stuff, things every diver child knew practically from birth. I guess this was our punishment, I had no choice but to admit defeat and obey Kade.

“Alright,” I took a breath and got ready to begin. “Divers are beings of magical power that draw their power from smaller magical worlds called Dive Worlds that are not connected to the four Great Worlds. After the events of the Bloody War, we were put in charge of managing and policing the Great Worlds and we formed the Society of Divers. We-” I indicated Alex, London, and I. “Are all Tracker Initiatives, Trackers are the diver faction that is in charge of policing the Great Worlds ‘cause no one wants to repeat the Age of Mortality. And we protect the Blanks ‘cause no one wants a repeat of the Bloody War.”

“Good,” Kade nodded. “Very good. Alex, what are the other diver factions?”

“Keeper, Leader, Inventor, and Diplomat,” Alex monotoned, sounding like he would rather be anywhere but here. That….would not end well for him.

Kade raised an eyebrow at that. “Show some enthusiasm, Alex. For that you get the honor of explaining the Classification System in place for divers.”

Alex spluttered indignantly, “Huh? Seriously? Why?”

“Because I said so,” Kade gave him a look that clearly telegraphed ‘chop chop, let’s go’.

Alex let out a heavy sigh, “Yeah, fine. The Classification System is a system within the Society of Divers that shows other SNs what type of magic a Dive World has. There are two types, General, which is the most common and least powerful and Specified, which are rarer and have more types, they are also more powerful. Nova, London, and I are all Specified divers. Well, Nova and London are Unique Classifications, but still. The Classification also influences our names. Initiatives and divers not part of the five main diver jobs have no last name and instead have their Classification in front of their name. Full-fledged divers gain a last name when they graduate from one of the Diver Academies,” Alex sighed again and then looked at Kade, “Happy now?”

Kade gave him a look but visibly came to a decision not to care, he turned to London. “What are the Dues?”

“Why does he get an easy question?” Alex demanded.

“Because he didn’t argue with me,” Kade replied darkly, his look causing me to press my lips together to squelch any thought of arguing with him. Kade was super sadistic when he wanted to be.

“The Dues are the rulers of their respective Great Worlds. Gabriel leads the Heavenlies of the Overworld and Hades leads the Underworld Paranormals. They are the closest beings we have to gods,” London answered.

“Relli,” Kade turned to Relli, who was still lounging on the bleachers like he didn’t have a care in the world. Knowing Relli, he honestly might have not had any, Relli wasn’t a fan of letting things get to him. “Ranking system,” Kade ordered.

“Why do I have to answer anything?” Relli pouted lazily. “I’m not a student here.” True, but I didn’t think Kade cared about that now.

Kade narrowed his eyes and gave Relli a death glare. See? He didn’t care. Relli instantly backed down, even Relli knew when not to engage Kade further. “The ranking system is used to determine the threat levels of different targets in the Trackers. Rank 5 is the lowest and weakest, Rank 1 is usually the highest, but on occasion threats stray into Calamity, Catastrophe, and Apocalypse rankings.”

Kade nodded, apparently satisfied with our collective answers. “Alright, good. You are all dismissed. Have a good day.” And with that, he turned and walked away.


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Fri Oct 02, 2020 10:21 am
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hey Lezuli - Icy here for a quick review :)

Left. Right. Down. Up. Diagonal. Thrust. The movement of my sword was as familiar to me as the feel of my own skin.

I like this as a starting point - very good for introducing a character to the reader!

I was a fighter, a killer, but I wasn’t a murderer.

Interesting, your character seems very keen to make this distinction. I can't help but wonder if this is something that will come up again.

“Come on, Kade!” I complained, whirling around. I would have thrown my hands up in the air to punctuate my statement, but doing something like that was a considerably bad idea when one was holding a sword. “I was this close to beating him!”

Haha, I love this xD

In short, Kade was badclass(I do not swear) and 100% terrifying

Hmm, the 'badclass' feels a bit awkward to me. Perhaps just choose a different word.. fearsome?

100% terrifying, that is, if you were anyone but Relli. Who had absolutely no problem mocking authority of any kind, no matter how powerful.

I love him already!

“Good,” Kade nodded. “Very good. Alex, what are the other diver factions?”

“Keeper, Leader, Inventor, and Diplomat,” Alex monotoned, sounding like he would rather be anywhere but here. That….would not end well for him.

These questions are a good way of introducing the reader to your world, although one tiny nit pick for me is that they go on for a bit too long. I'd suggest cutting a couple of questions at the end - perhaps you can mention them later? Otherwise it got a bit too heavy of an information dump for me!

Otherwise though, a really well written first chapter!

Icy :)




Lezuli says...


Thank you for your review! I'll try and edit it a bit as per your suggestions! They were really helpful. :)



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Sun Sep 27, 2020 9:38 pm
Folorunsho03 says...



Cool. good story
I'm new, by the way and I really like this story.
Good luck. This is my first review though.




Lezuli says...


Thank you and welcome to YWS, I hope you enjoy your time here. Just a little advice for you, at the bottom of the comment for a literary work, there%u2019s a little bar that says %u2018is this a review%u2019. You didn%u2019t click it so this was registered as a comment, not a review and you didn%u2019t get your points. :)



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Sun Sep 27, 2020 8:40 pm
fleuralplants wrote a review...



Hi!
I like the opening to this chapter. Introducing the reader to the chapter mid-action can be useful in capturing the reader's attention, and I think using words to describe the exact movements of the sword was helpful to the story.
I like your use of simile, such as

The movement of my sword was as familiar to me as the feel of my own skin.
and
his jet black hair that reflected the light like ink
. These similes aren't cliche and overused, and they add to the description of the characters and helps the reader envision them more easily.
I like the concise ending and how it ends on a final note-
And with that, he turned and walked away.
This feels very... final (for lack of better words), and I enjoyed how it ended the first chapter.
I think the
TWEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!
seems a little silly, and perhaps there might be a more mature/more easy way of explaining the noise.
I think you have a pretty good story going here, and I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for sharing!




Lezuli says...


Thank you for your thoughts! I'm glad you enjoyed it!




"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
— Albus Dumbledore