Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
It had been ages since my mother had visited me. My life had become a blur of late nights and endless cups of coffee, a relentless grind to finish my thesis on ancient mythological texts. I had chosen this field because it felt like home, a way to connect with the strange heritage I always felt lurking in the background most of my life. But as the deadline approached, the pressure mounted, and the familiar comfort of my mother turned into a source of dread.
I was deep into the history of Greek rituals when a sudden chill filled the room. The lights flickered, and the pages of my notes rustled without any wind. My heart raced, and I turned to see her, my mother, Nike, the goddess of victory, materializing in the corner of my small dorm room. Her presence was both awe-inspiring and terrifying, a constant reminder of the world I was a part of but had tried so hard to ignore.
"Elysia," she said, her voice a blend of urgency and calm that sent shivers down my spine, "We need to talk."
“What the hell are you doing?” I spun my chair around. My mother had always been beautiful—her long, golden hair cascaded down her back in intricate braids. Her eyes, a striking deep blue, scanned me as she took an elegant yet dominant seat on my bed. On her back, partially unfolded, were large wings, their feathers iridescent and shimmering with every movement she made. I sighed.
“I can’t come visit you?” Mother crossed her legs, and grimaced at the posters hung on my wall. She’d always been one for organization, something I never inherited. I was more like my father, chaotic and unruly. Yet, she still claimed me as her daughter—someway, somehow.
I started attending the Olympian Academy of Divinity and Mythology when I was only fifteen. I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I begged my mother to attend a normal University, in the mortal lands, but she refused. It wasn’t unlike her. She always got her way… most of the time. I finally broke free when I turned eighteen, and made my way to New York City. There, I started attending NYU, a place where I’d always felt at home.
The realms were kept separate… most of the time. There were, of course, representatives from each realm looming around each street, but it was still a break from the divine life that I hated so much.
My mother and father never got along—which was strange, because they had a forbidden union. You would think that if two people loved each other that much, like Ares and Aphrodite for example, they’d make something work. Yet, after I was conceived, they parted ways as if neither of them existed together in the first place.
I rolled my eyes and turned back to my notes. My eyes scanned the page; her rude appearance messed up my placement, so I grew anxious and nervously flipped through what I’d already written. I chose not to respond. She only visited me when she needed something, and I wasn’t in the mood that day. As I tried to focus back on my notes, the air in the room seemed to thicken with tension. I could feel my mother’s eyes on me. But I was determined not to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much her sudden appearance rattled me.
"You know why I'm here," she continued, her voice softened slightly, "There's something coming, Elysia. Something that threatens everything we hold dear."
I closed my eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. This was typical of her—dropping cryptic warnings and expecting me to drop everything and follow her lead. But this time, I was different. This time, I had my own path to follow, one that didn't involve being swept up in divine drama.
"I'm in the middle of my thesis, Mom," I finally replied, "I don't have time for this right now."
Her expression hardened, the lines around her eyes tightening, "Elysia, listen to me. This is bigger than your thesis. It's bigger than anything you've ever faced."
I scoffed inwardly. How many times had she used that line before? How many times had she dragged me into some mythical crisis that turned out to be less urgent than she claimed? It was always a big deal to her. She either wanted to prove someone wrong, or win—like she always did.
"I have responsibilities here. Real responsibilities, Mom. Unlike you, I can't just vanish whenever there's trouble brewing."
Her eyes flashed with a mix of hurt and determination, "You think I don't understand? You think I don't see how hard you've worked?"
I hesitated, the anger in me softening just a bit. Despite everything, she was still my mother—a mother who, disregarding all her faults, genuinely believed she was doing what was best for me.
"Just... give me some time," I said, "Let me finish this thesis, and then we can talk about whatever crisis you think is going to affect us."
She studied me for a long moment, her gaze searching mine as if weighing my words. Finally, she nodded.
"Alright," she said quietly, "But don't take too long, Elysia. Time is running out."
With that, she stood up, her wings folding back neatly against her back. For a moment, she hesitated, as if she wanted to say something more. But then, with a sigh, she turned and began to fade into shimmering light, slowly disappearing from my room.
As the last traces of her presence vanished, leaving only the faint echo of her warning hanging in the air, I sank back into my chair. My heart still raced with the intensity of her visit, but beneath it all, a seed of doubt had been planted. What if she was right? What if there really was something brewing here, something that could change everything?
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I had to focus. I had a thesis to finish, and deadlines weren't going to wait for divine interventions.
Hours passed in a blur of reading, typing, and sifting through ancient texts. The weight of my responsibilities poured down on me, each word I typed another step towards completing what felt like an impossible task. The night outside my window deepened. But despite my efforts to focus, my mind kept drifting back to my mother's visit. Nike, standing in my room with wings that shimmered like sunlight on water. Her presence had brought up memories I had tried to bury—the years spent at the Academy, learning about gods and monsters, heroes and legends. It was a life I had reluctantly embraced, a world of divine heritage and ancient prophecies that always seemed to intrude on my attempts at a normal existence.
I rubbed my eyes wearily, feeling the exhaustion seep into my bones. The clock on my desk blinked past midnight, a reminder of how little time remained before my thesis was due. The irony of it all—the daughter of Nike, struggling to finish her academic work on time. What a spectacle.
A sudden gust of wind rattled my window, drawing my attention back to the present. I frowned, glancing at the glass as if expecting to see my mother's ethereal form materialize once more. But there was only darkness beyond the pane; the city was finally asleep. With a sigh, I pushed myself away from the desk, stretching stiff muscles and trying to ease the tension knotting in my shoulders.
My father had just come to visit me about a week ago. He was much more consistent than my mother—as he really had no responsibilities other than counting how many people died a day. I inherited his introspective nature, a tendency to contemplate the deeper mysteries of life and existence. He taught me to respect the cycle of life and death, to understand that every ending carries the seed of a new beginning. In his own way, he has always been present, even when he couldn't be physically by my side. My father, Thanatos, was someone who I always looked up to and adored.
Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply, seeking the calm center that had always eluded me in times of crisis—something I got from him. I was divine, the daughter of Nike and Thanatos, and whether I liked it or not, the fate of Olympus—and perhaps even more— was about to rest in my hands.
~
My Name is Elysia. This is just the start of my story, and I hope that you all brace yourself for the tale I’m about to tell.
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Hey, it's Serrurie, here to leave a review! I've been meaning to review this for a while just because of that amazing cover (seriously, you are an artist). Anyways, let's dive in:

The Good Stuff
-There's a lot of great worldbuilding sprinkled throughout the chapter
- You used a Greek goddess (and god) most people don't use/know about (seriously, I could use a break from Athena and Persephone)
- We get to see a lot of the characters' personalities from the very beginning (and so far, I don't see any signs of a Mary Sue- good job!)
- You have really good descriptions! They aren't overloading the story but still have enough detail to show me what's going on
- This was a really good first chapter- there's a simple but amazing plot (Elysia has to finish her thesis) and obstacle in her way (Nike and her cryptic problem) and a good amount of backstories!
Room For Improvement
- I happened to notice this sentence here:
Here, you've added a FANBOYS conjunction (which, props to you for knowing what that is
- A lot of times when you end a sentence before starting another one and add action in the middle, you use a comma instead of a period (you only use commas if it's a continuation of the same sentence being interrupted). Example:
- I would just warn you to be careful about info dumping. A few times in the story I felt like it was happening, but it wasn't that bad (you did amazing tbh)
WOW! This is a really great start to an adventure! You have a great writing style, interesting character dynamics, and your grammar was pretty good too. I will definitely be reading the rest of this series!
Have a blessed day and keep writing!
Serrurie
First off, you have a very beautiful way of writing things! I like how you describe movements, especially in the first few scenes with Elysia's mother visiting her.

It is cool to see how you incorporate mythology and how you have a clear understanding of it.
The characters dialogue all flow very naturally and their actions make sense and add a lot to the story! Someone would definitely be able to tell who is who without even knowing the characters names. The first person perspective adds a lot to this chapter. Elysia very quickly tells the viewers what her situation is with her parents and their whole jist and how she feels about it.
Every description (especially after Nike leaves) has such an immense weight to it and that is a wonderful thing! Everything feels like it has some sort impact no matter how particularly small it is.
Overall, this was an extremely good read! I hope to see more chapters soon, have a good day!
Thank you so much!
When I smiled:
Right off the bat, I love how Elysia is characterized as someone who is chaotic but likes consistency, showing aspects of both her parents. It feels interesting. Her chaotic sense of organization coming from her father, and her sense of consistency from her mother.
I also like how the mother was somewhat framed. As someone who does care but is very busy and can't come as often showing. Basically how hard they work as deities. But the father, since his job is a lot simpler, can visit a lot more often, providing a sense of liking him more from Elysia.
A Line to Remember:
This is very real. You could be destroyed. Go to hell and escape and that you get. It's a right before your assignment is due and they will still be furious. If you explain yourself and provide proof they will still be mad. So, reading that made me snicket.
A New Lesson:
Couldn't find anything, good job.
The Catalyst's Growth:
There wasn't much in the way of growth since there was a single conversation but I like how Elysia very quickly established the situation between her parents.
Overall:
Good job, I await the next chapter.
Hello there, one of King Koopa’s loyal henchmen, here!
Another wonderful story by Ley, and I am finally able to pop in for chapter 1 upon release!
From a quick glance…*gasp* could this be about a normal human? (...not really. But this character seems less engrained in the life of Olympus like Josephine and Jase are)
Ooo, and also a perspective change.
Hello! ~ Writing Commentary
Being a fan of your earlier works, this is quite an interesting perspective change from your usual works. I also imagine Elysia is a self-insert of sorts, lol. Perhaps a similar age as you, and deep into her college life.
I think the perspective change of your usual stories to 1st person is pretty awesome, especially for Elysia’s story, which seems to be a bit more personable. It’s a cool change of pace to have her inner thoughts and descriptions of actions and environments be combined.
First off, this is a really interesting and philosophical description! It gives us a good idea of both Thanatos’ and Elysia’s point of view on life.
LoveHate and…COLLEGE ~ Story CommentaryThis is an interesting beginning to the story of Elysia! To have a character who is divine, yet denies all of her divinity is an awesome set-up for the story. I assume that this takes place around the same time as Josephine’s story, and I wonder if she will get wrapped up in the same web of lies as her, since we are talking about something that is threatening the world at large (though, this could also be Nike being a bit deceptive).
One thing I have praised before is how your characters are always different in their own ways! Between the three main protagonists I have seen from you, Elysia separates herself by being intelligent, a deep thinker, and perceptive, hence the 1st person narrative.
Forgotten legacy ~ Closer
Seems like things are already going to get riskier from here, I wonder if Elysia has a gift, hmm?
Thanks for stopping by! <3
And would it be a Ley story if she didn%u2019t have a gift? :eyes: we shall see!!
Hi Ley! I'm Toast and I hope you don't mind me dropping by for a quick review of your book "Of Victory and Death"!
Before we start, I love Greek mythology, and the incorporation of it was really fun to read here! The mixing of the two worlds; Nike being the mother and Thanatos being the father of our protagonist was really interesting.
First,
The world-building is really beautiful! I can tell that you have a clear passion for the mythology you're basing this story on, and I can tell that there's so much more looming in the story.
(What's the big crisis that was impending on Olympus?)
(How does Elysia fit into this story?)
(How does moving across these dimensions of Earth and Olympus work?)
There's a lot that you set up in this first chapter, and I can't wait to see more as the story expands!
For the story, (and quotes I enjoyed)
I enjoyed the rich vocabulary and fun storytelling! the pacing was good, the environment was set, and the sprinkle of humor across the text made it a great read!
Ah, how relatable. Especially since it's exam season for me rn, I relate to this passage even more than usual... haha.
When I first read this, I instantly realized that this story was gonna have a lot of Greek mythology undertones and I was hooked! Also, having the goddess of victory as your mother would seem indeed, a tad bit overbearing.
Even though it seems that our MC Elysia doesn't like her mother that much, you can still see that she loves her as a mother, and the hesitation that comes with it.
How melancholic that not even being the daughter of a god and goddess doesn't exempt you from deadlines.
the family dynamic overall feels realistic and relatable despite it being composed of literally ethereal beings. The way Thanatos's and Nike's personalities are showed off in this chapter is pretty accurate to the mythology itself (Nike being somewhat confident and self centered, and Thanatos being the god of non-violent death is conveyed here as introspective and somewhat chill. although, he was kinda known for being merciless)
All in all,
I really enjoyed this story and am interested in seeing where it goes! I can tell that there was care put into the writing, and there aren't really any points where I feel I could criticize. Although, maybe this line?
I feel that adding a verb will make this more natural. Maybe something like
Apart from this (and maybe other things here and there I may have missed), I don't see any flaws! And even if there were, they are more than made up by your diverse, extravagant descriptive words!
Anyways, have a nice rest of your day (or night, or 4:27am) and keep on writing!
It is 4:30am for me as well xD thank you for this thoughtful review!