Young Writers Society

Hey Leutnant!

I'm Elinor, dropping by to review your poem since I saw this has been sitting in the green room for a while. Because this is intentionally bad, I'm not quite sure what type of feedback you'd like.

It's quite short, though, and if you were planning on revising, I think you could make it a little bit longer. What this did make me think of while reading -- you know the saying that crap wrapped in a pretty bow is still crap? I think you could definitely play around with it a little bit.

I'm not a poet by any means, but if you read a lot of poetry, which I imagine you have, you'll see how heavily stylized a lot of it is. For example:

i love d r o p p i n g s

i n the day and
in the night.

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem about dog shit.

I agree, that bad poetry should not be praised just as a badly played game of chess or a clumsy drawing shouldn't be praised. It doesn't help the artist and it only serves to encourage the bad habits that will keep the artist at the mediocre stage by practicing mistakes.


MY Understanding

I understand that you offered this poem as an example of poetry that should not be praised. In that sense the poem works so it cannot be criticized in failing to transmit the exact meaning that the author intended.

However, it can also be viewed as broadly representing all the garbage that infests human society. This is not to say that one man's shit isn't another mans pastry. Only to say that there are things such as murder, theft, muggings, child abuse, etc that generally fall under that category of shite.

Suggestions

The last line to me would seem better if it read this way.

. . . . droppings, droppings, all around.

After all, it makes the droppings worldwide which is actually what is happening in the actual world unfortunately.

Quite a fascinating read for me anyway. For others, of course, all that they might see is the literal shit and in such cases the poem might not seem so multidimensional.but like a dog I like to dig below the surface!

Looking forward to reading more of your work.

BTW

I was tempted to say more of your manure but for the sake of Christian charity I didn't! LOL!!



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTH0pXZQ5I4