"Hey bro? Why do you keep publishing your silly writings? People don't read them as you can see."
"Oh bro, don't tell me that!"
"I'm just telling the truth. I mean--I don't want you to be tired because you're my friend. I told you many times about this, and you know what? They are not really good. I'm so sorry bro."
As quiet as a deaf-mute, he responded nothing to his friend. Putting down his pen, taking a deep breath, he was tired--not tired of writing but tired of hearing those words again. A writer who was a fond of sharing his works, he was upset because of his friend's remark. Doleful, only his friend's words hurt him even though he heard the same from the others.
"Mom, I regret the operation last month. You shouldn't have done it for me. Je te deteste!(I hate you)"
"To, tot, t-tot"
Hanging up the phone, laying in the bed, he felt a dejection not from his friend only, but to everybody. He realized his friend was telling the truth, no one loved his writings.
"Wow! You're writings are good. Can you make a story about my life?"
"Your work is exceptional! You must be William Shakespeare's son."
"Oh you are clever!"
When he read these words from his writing notebook, he had dew-eyed. Nostalgic--he never knew he loved lies when he was once a deaf-mute.
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141,367 Literary Works • 674,382 Reviews
Hello it's Red
Hmm your story really confused me. I know it opens with a friend telling the MC his writing isn't that good. Then he paragraphs five and six seem out of context. It's were I start scatching my head. What do you mean by operation? What does "to, tot, t-tot" mean? Why is he reading good comments on his wring afterwards?
The dialog in the beginning was awkward. In the first line, take out "as you can see." It would help to read it out loud. Then finally the most of the sentence structures are awkward. Your Vocab is nice but rearrange the words so it will flow better.
Maybe I should read more of your work to understand this. Keep writing!
Red
Sorry posted twice.
Greetings,
There is a lot here. The feeling of rejection. The feeling of hurt from having no one that supports you in your passion. I don't know a writer or author alive that doesn't know these feelings.
A few notes on your writing. The dialogue is a little stiff. I'm not sure if it is translated from one language to another but it doesn't flow like people speak.
"Oh bro, don't tell me like that." You should remove "like" from this sentence. It sticks out like a sore thumb. "Don't tell me that." makes more sense to what the main character is trying to express.
"As quite as a deaf-mute..." It should quiet not quite. Just a simple mix up that most word processors miss....all the time. I have done this more than once on my end.
A small suggestion, you don't have to listen to me on this at all, when you are mentioning the notes in the writing notebook that he looks over at the end. Don't put them in quotes. From the previous paragraphs we think that someone is saying them to us. You could italicize or change the font to let us know that these are being seen differently. Italics is the go to more often than not.
This was a really good story with a lot of heart in it. I actually find myself wishing it was a little longer to see if the turmoil inside of the main character is more in common with my own. Well done and thanks for sharing.
Happy Writing!
This short story ..it is amazing!
Atleast in my opinion it shows a lot.
I think most of us can relate because as writers not only readers and reviewers we had felt that ignorence atleast in one or another aspect.This shows perfectly what I feel sometimes for my own writings.Your character's feelings are explained well also.Having two different characters with so different personalities.In short,I like it.
Go on keep on writing!I did not see punctuation mistakes ,I think.