Music echoed fatuously through the air. His ears pricked up and he looked away from the chicken he had been chewing on. Blood dripped from his teeth and fell sadly through the delicate air.
The words danced crookedly around his feet. He gazed through the trees where lights shone through the gaps. He saw a funny man dancing. His feet tapped the ground in a rhythmic pattern. His arms hit the mist that swarmed the atmosphere. And his body swayed from side to side.
“What does the fox say?” he sang, his voice startling the young animal.
The fox stepped forward and pounced over a large rock. His furry foot felt a wetness, and he retreated. He looked down at his reflection.
“What does the fox say?” the boy sang.
The fox felt alarmed. No one had ever asked him that before.
“What do I say?” a newspaper blew by, and halted against the trunk of a tree. Its pages were forced open, and the pages landed on an article. A picture of a man with the heading ‘Murderer released after the conviction of killing his wife.’
“What do I think of all of this?”
He looked back at the man dancing cheerfully, then his eyes darted towards the newspaper again.
“The world has gone mad. Why would a mature adult go and take the life of his beloved wife?”
The wind blew in cold bliss from the boy dancing. The newspaper’s paged flicked and landed on a different article. There was the image of a beautiful teenage girl. ‘Teenager takes her own life due to aggressive bullying.
“And this, a wonderful, intelligent child, taking her own life all because of some snobby young children thought she wasn’t good enough.”
Once more the pages flicked and turned, and this time, the heartbreaking image of a woman and her baby curled up in the street struck the foxes heart. ‘Homeless numbers breaking records.’
“No, this can’t be all true, is this the world I live in?” Tears sprouted from his eyes. “It can’t be true. Can a simple little fox like me have a say? Can I possibly help make the world better?”
He looked down once more at his reflection, and then looked up at the boy. “I must.” Pouncing over the puddle, the fox headed towards the boy. Suddenly the music stopped, and the boy turned, just as he asked once more, “What does the fox say-”
The boy gazed down at the little fox. His eyes widened, and a warm smile swept across his face. “Hey there little guy.”
The fox was unsure. He looked up at the boy. Reaching out a hand to the fox, the boy lent down on one knee. The fox put his paw in the boy’s hand. But then his eyes became moons. He smelt it, the alcohol, the drugs, and the putrid stench of greed.
A single tear came from the foxes eye, and he simply turned, and ran.
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140,925 Literary Works • 673,749 Reviews
Hi, I'm Celticmusicgirl and I'll be reviewing this piece today.
I really enjoyed this piece. It was very well written. I like how you made this a piece about how the fox views current events. I like that. Nice emotion displayed.
I did spot a couple of grammar errors though.
First, you said: "“And this, a wonderful, intelligent child, taking her own life all because of some snobby young children thought she wasn’t good enough.”" I think this would make more sense if you took out the word "of".
Second, You said "Reaching out a hand to the fox, the boy lent down on one knee." I think you meant "bent" and not "lent".
Otherwise, I didn't spot any errors. I do onot see anything wrong with this piece. Please continue writing this story and let me know when you post more.
Well, okay that was.... interesting.
The problem here is juxtaposition. While I think the strangeness and haunting poetic aspects of the prose could work with the subject matter, it was impossible for me to disintangle my mind from thinking of that outrageous music video. I don't really think it works, in other words. It turns sour as soon as we realize what the story is truly about.
The "shocker" title should be cut... don't try to stick something just because its well known on to something to make that something become more popular. Heh. (Whoah there.) The reader ends up feeling cheated. I felt cheated. I was expecting a comedic commentary, that was not what this was about.
The two elements that you tried to combine here are just too separate, I think, and should be pulled apart, left to their own worlds. Yes, what a fox might say is a poetic proposition, but I only think it would work well if you disconnect the concept from the whole internet viral spasm thing.
~ED
Okay, thank you
This is certainly an interesting piece, and very original. I did not expect it to take a turn like that after reading the title (I quite honestly thought it was going to make fun of the song). It was a little confusing at first with the whole transition, and I didn't quite grasp what was going on, but it was soon cleared up with a clever "say" from the fox. It's a great way to get people's attention while at the same time reflecting on the problems happening in the world today. I wouldn't want you to fix anything, I like it just the way it is. It really made me think for a moment, and kind of chuckle at the whole "What does the fox say" thing. Keep writing like this, I look forward to more!
Thank you !!!
I can't tell if this is a joke or not...? Theme isn't working with the concept you're trying to push it through. The diction and weight that you're trying to use definitely isn't going to work with a viral music video that was intended to be a joke from the get-go. I... yeah, okay.
I think you're trying to be heartfelt here, and I appreciate the fact you're trying to tackle some big issues here, especially with identity and power, but really? There are so many different ways to accomplish what you're trying to do -- I would suggest you find one.
Yeah, I was a little teary writing this piece. Thank you
Ok then....... What? At first I thought your describing the music video. If you did, I would be having some words with you. I looked through it and I saw no capitalization errors or grammatical errors. Good job. This is quite different.
~lost
Thanks!
Well! That was something different, I can assure you. I have to say, this was not what I was expecting at all from this work. Honest to god, I thought it was going to be a fox blowing its top but you have proved me wrong. You actually brought up a few issues in this piece of work, which surprised me again but what hasn't surprised me in this story at this point?
Thank you, I'm glad it surprised you