Fire

Interesting. Brings out the fact that fire can become a raging monster at any moment.
I've fought 3 wildfires, so I know what it is like with the heavy smoke, the crackle of flames. And when I was reading your story, I could almost smell the smoke, and hear the flames again.

But it can be leashed and harnessed, caged and forced to illuminate and warm rather than incinerate. But any caged being hungers for freedom, searching for an avenue of escape.

Humans are clever. They know that some things can never be tamed. They may appear to have lost their bite, but we know, and we safeguard against them. A boy noticed the beautiful blaze from afar, but saw through its deceitful appearance. He called those inverted to the Devil, those who are always prepared to help.

I thought the overall description and personifacation in the story was what stood out most about it. It was very vibrant look into something as simple as a house fire. As short as it was i think you conveyed the theme of the story excellently. I see really no room for improvement on this because it was well put together, it drew me in, and as i said before it really conveyed the them in the right size.
I liked how you made something extravegant out of something that happens on a day to day basis, and how there was a bit of spirituality behind the fire and the fire fighters.

Over all pretty good.

Fire... the gift and the curse. In this day and age we can all be named Prometheus and if we are not careful and respectful we all can suffer as he did. Fire is not something to underestimate and I loved this story as it reminds people of the dangers in trying to cage this beast. Great flow to the story I do think there could be a little more in the middle though. Just a touch more of intensity but otherwise an awesome read. Keep it up!!! You have great talent.

Thats for all the reviews everyone! I was just wondering though how many people spotted my subtle word trick about 'those inverted to the Devil' - 999 being the inversion of 666.

wow, this story is intense. i highly advise you to look up the song requiem for a dream on youtube, and listen to it while reading this story. anyway, you should definately continue using such vivid imagery, and wonderful adjectives, as well as simalies. also i noticed some nice religous allagory, as well as the metaphor of fire as a beast. great writing style, keep it up, and feel free to critique the first chapter of my story "the way of the jungle."
---your friend, Psuidiname

good,good,good

I love a good tragic love story. it always make me sigh and this one was great!
there are some grammar issues, but i usually don't go into that. I'm just saying you might want to go over and edit a couple of things.

the little poetry (thats what i call it) at the beginning is awesome! it makes the story whole.

GOOD JOB!

~Pointe

That was wonderful. The way it flowed was elegant and the way the opening snatched my attention, I'll never know. It wqas great, but could use a touchup, just tiny things though. I loved it. The way it flowed like silk. Even thogh there was not much diolauge, you didn't need it, the fire spoke for itself. Post another section, like, 'Fire: 2' or something... I'd love to review it and criteque! Power to the pen/pencil... write on...

Hey Lawson!

So, this format kind of reminds me of the Twilight zone! You have the prologue, where that one guy is talking about the Twilight Zone, then it goes to the story, then finally that one guy talks about the Twilight Zone again. So, it definitely reminds me of that!

With that said, I think you can really beef up the middle bit! Make it really intense and dramatic! Include details. And don't forget the smoke... it's not just his smoker's lungs, lol. A lot of people have the same reaction regardless. After all, the main reason why people die from fires is from suffocation.

Hi Pink here! I'll be reviewing your work today

Fires long to consume. They rage and ravage, burning whatever encounters their path, transforming it into ash and embers and only stopping when there is nothing left to raze. But it can be leashed and harnessed, caged and forced to illuminate and warm rather than incinerate. But any caged being hungers for freedom, searching for an avenue of escape. A pale candle, slowly burning. An open awning window. A sea breeze from the south. The delicate flame is caught and carried by invisible, malicious hands to a delicate coat hanging on the blue wall.

It’s the thick, acrid, irritating smoke.

Cautiously he opened it, protecting his hand from the metal with a cloth, and both were welcomed by their fiery house with a rush of smog and unbearably hot air.

Thanks for the reviews! I may revise the story. And no, I don't write poetry.

Hey Lawson, Gsp here, and I'll be your reviewer today.

But first, I have to warn you that I have the tendency to tear stories apart. I'm sorry if I seem harsh to you; I'm really only trying to help you improve. Okay? Okay.

With that said... ON TO THE REVIEW!

Fires long to consume. They rage and ravage, burning whatever encounters their path, transforming it into ash and embers and only stopping when there is nothing left to raze. But it can be leashed and harnessed, caged and forced to illuminate and warm rather than incinerate. But any caged being hungers for freedom, searching for an avenue of escape. A pale candle, slowly burning. An open awning window. A sea breeze from the south. The delicate flame is caught and carried by invisible, malicious hands to a delicate coat hanging on the blue wall.

The house is asleep. Two lovers lie peacefully together. But the flames flicker below. How easy it is to call a fire merry when it is safely behind a grate. No one recognizes the hatred in the inferno. And when it is free, people are reminded of just how terrible our dependence upon fire can be.

Thomas was yelling wildly, desperately. “Wake up! Jessica! There’s a fire!” She slowly opens her eyes, reluctant to focus. Words can take time to penetrate our minds. Sometimes they struggle against us, delving into our heads until the word registers in a dark, hidden place, stirring some ancient reflex. “Fire!” Jessica sat bolt upright and stared round, wild eyed. There were no red tongues of fury to be witnessed, but its not the fire that kills. It’s the thick, acrid, irritating smoke.

Jessica sat bolt upright and stared round, wild eyed.

The room was a hazy grey, and two sets of eyes stung from the fumes, while two sets of lungs forced the corrupted air out of them in an urgent cough. Thomas grabbed her hand, pulling Jessica to her feet and they staggered towards the door. Cautiously he opened it, protecting his hand from the metal with a cloth, and both were welcomed by their fiery house with a rush of smog and unbearably hot air. They could see the cruel shards of heat now, crazily performing a war dance as they jumped and writhed. They fervently guarded the stairs and laughed as the couple realized their situation. Too high to jump. Too dangerous to go down two flights to reach an exit. And too little time. The Devil had opened a window, and he didn’t think a door was needed too.

Thomas grabbed her hand, pulling Jessica to her feet and they staggered towards the door.

Thomas grabbed his beloved's hand, pulling her to her feet as he staggered towards the door.

Jessica wondered despairingly on what she could do, and then heard a thump from behind her. Thomas had fallen, his weak lungs failing to support him after years of smoking. Jessica cried out in hopelessness. Already her head was unclear and confused. Her throat was burning, tears were streaming from her eyes and the noxious gas was overpowering her. She slowly sank to the floor.

Humans are clever. They know that some things can never be tamed. They may appear to have lost their bite, but we know, and we safeguard against them. A boy noticed the beautiful blaze from afar, but saw through its deceitful appearance. He called those inverted to the Devil, those who are always prepared to help.

Sirens blared as the firemen worked. They charged the house, smashing down whatever opposed them with their axes and rams, speeding upstairs, wanting to see a sign of people still alive. They found the two, one lying next to the other, lifted them up and returned them to the cool, breathable air outside. A monstrous force had been defeated and denied its yearning for death. The house continued to burn. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Hi LawsonJ, it is Chetan here. I shall be reviewing your work today.
As you said that it was a quick work without any planning I will go accordingly. Theme is good though, you need to make some corrections. Let us start with it starting from here:

Grammar:

Fires long to consume. They rage and ravage, burning whatever encounters their path, transforming it into ash and embers and only stopping when there is nothing left to raze.

The house is asleep. Two lovers lie peacefully together. But the flames flicker below. How easy it is to call a fire merry when it is safely behind a grate. No one recognizes the hatred in the inferno. And when it is free, people are reminded of just how terrible our dependence upon fire can be.

Thomas was yelling wildly, desperately. “Wake up! Jessica! There’s a fire!” She slowly opens her eyes, reluctant to focus. Words can take time to penetrate our minds. Sometimes they struggle against us, delving into our heads until the word registers in a dark, hidden place, stirring some ancient reflex. “Fire!” Jessica sat bolt upright and stared round, wild eyed. There were no red tongues of fury to be witnessed, but its not the fire that kills. It’s the thick, acrid, irritating smoke.

Thomas was yelling wildly, desperately. “Wake up! Jessica! There’s a fire!”