Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: Well...this seems like it would make for quite a fun story. There's definitely a lot going on here...and that ending especially was awesome...I think I will definitely be checking out chapter two of this little series very soon. Anyways, onto some more details.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The assassin glanced warily around.

Faces, millions of different faces pleading, scared. They circled Verena, slowly pushing forward toward where she seemed to float. All were looking at the gun, the gun she held.

Her finger pressed back in the trigger, but not on her command. It felt as if someone else had forced it.

Muffled sounds, a gunshot, screams, the wail of sirens.

“Erase them from your memory,” Madam Bavlias voices echoed,” the world is better without them.”

But she couldn’t.

Verena couldn’t shake the pleading faces, ingrained in her mind before she killed them.

She gasped, and her eyes snapped open.

The pounding of her heart triggered her instincts.

She tensed, senses heightened.

The dim room slowly came into focus and Verena realized she wasn’t in any danger.

She breathed out.

Verena blinked, letting her eyes further adjust to the darkness. She glanced at her watch.

The glowing numbers mocked her. Twenty minutes, twenty meagre minutes since she last had woken up from the same nightmare.

Verena swung her leg over the side of her bed.

She’d gotten a total of eight hours of sleep in the last week. Her mental health was tipping, as well as her physical state as an assassin. Her wits had to be sharp. Her mind quick, and her speed faster and quieter.

Madam Bavila had signed her off missions for the next few weeks. But she hadn’t been thrilled her best agent was down.

Most assassins were able to erase the faces as they were trained. Verena had tried, but every time she closed her eyes, the haunting looks tugged at her. The nightmares had progressively gotten worse over the last few years. She’d gone from top assassin to barely be able to get through a training session.

Verena was now quarantined in the living quarters or, as madam bavila had said,” Assignment .”

She’d assigned her to a diet of medication and plenty of food. As well as sleep, if she could manage any.

The assassin chuckled as if this could be named an assignment.

Verena got up and wandered the empty halls. She shoved her hand in the pocket of her sweat pants and wiggled her fingers until they caught the small communicator.

She pulled it out and slipped it into her ear. Tapping it twice, activating it.

“I don’t suppose my conscience is up?”

“You know I am.”

Hi LadyMysterio,

Mailice here with a short review!

The title is probably the first thing that caught my eye, as it gave me so much to imagine about the direction the plot could take. What I really liked is that the story starts in the middle of a critical point, leaving the reader with suspense questions that make them want to keep reading. Probably then you have exactly the same "limited" thinking as the protagonist, who is in a dangerous situation and cannot think clearly.

I liked the whole first part very much, as already mentioned, it gave a certain tension with it, but at the same time I felt a bit lost. It really felt like a kind of nightmare where you don't really know what is happening and where you are. Only with the second reading, I was able to draw several conclusions. Up to the point where Verena wakes up, I find on the one hand very obscure, but still well portrayed. One get a bit of an insight of Verena´s character. There are still so many things unclear, probably for Verena and the reader, but that's what I think makes this introduction. There has to be a certain mystery. I'm really a bit divided about how to rate the first part. Fascinating and yet still a bit expandable in some places?

The second part gave me that familiarity again, that everything was fine. What I like is the short information that you get as a reader, as if Verena was trying to remember after waking up. It makes the first part a bit clearer but the whole thing sounds still a bit like science fiction.
What I think could be developed a bit more would be the appearance of Verena or what the room looks like, if there is anything there at all, apart from the bed. It gave me the impression that the second half was a bit too rushed through it.

Note on this madam, is she called Bavila or Bavlia? There are both spellings in your text.

In any case, the story has aroused my interest and I am curious to see to what extent the title will relate to the plot. There are still many questions that have not been answered. It's a good incentive to keep reading and I'm already looking forward to the sequel!

Have fun writing!

Mailice.

Hello!! Here for a review!!!

The assassin glanced warily around.

Faces, millions of different faces pleading, scared. They circled Verena, slowly pushing forward toward where she seemed to float. All were looking at the gun, the gun she held.

Her finger pressed back in the trigger, but not on her command. It felt as if someone else had forced it.

Muffled sounds, a gunshot, screams, the wail of sirens

“Erase them from your memory,” Madam Bavlias voices echoed,” the world is better without them.”

But she couldn’t.

Verena couldn’t shake the pleading faces, ingrained in her mind before she killed them.

Verena blinked, letting her eyes further adjust to the darkness. She glanced at her watch.

The glowing numbers mocked her. Twenty minutes, twenty meagre minutes since she last had woken up from the same nightmare.

Her mental health was tipping, as well as her physical state as an assassin.

Verena was now quarantined in the living quarters or, as madam bavila had said,” Assignment .”

She shoved her hand in the pocket of her sweat pants and wiggled her fingers until they caught the small communicator.

Where is your other chapters– 1.1 and 1.2?

Where is your other chapters– 1.1 and 1.2?

Redeemed is spelled with two e's

i said i would tag you @thescribe so here ya go!