Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
The assassin glanced warily around.
Faces, millions of different faces pleading, scared. They circled Verena, slowly pushing forward toward where she seemed to float. All were looking at the gun, the gun she held.
Her finger pressed back in the trigger, but not on her command. It felt as if someone else had forced it.
Muffled sounds, a gunshot, screams, the wail of sirens.
“Erase them from your memory,” Madam Bavlias voices echoed,” the world is better without them.”
But she couldn’t.
Verena couldn’t shake the pleading faces, ingrained in her mind before she killed them.
She gasped, and her eyes snapped open.
The pounding of her heart triggered her instincts.
She tensed, senses heightened.
The dim room slowly came into focus and Verena realized she wasn’t in any danger.
She breathed out.
Verena blinked, letting her eyes further adjust to the darkness. She glanced at her watch.
The glowing numbers mocked her. Twenty minutes, twenty meagre minutes since she last had woken up from the same nightmare.
Verena swung her leg over the side of her bed.
She’d gotten a total of eight hours of sleep in the last week. Her mental health was tipping, as well as her physical state as an assassin. Her wits had to be sharp. Her mind quick, and her speed faster and quieter.
Madam Bavila had signed her off missions for the next few weeks. But she hadn’t been thrilled her best agent was down.
Most assassins were able to erase the faces as they were trained. Verena had tried, but every time she closed her eyes, the haunting looks tugged at her. The nightmares had progressively gotten worse over the last few years. She’d gone from top assassin to barely be able to get through a training session.
Verena was now quarantined in the living quarters or, as madam bavila had said,” Assignment .”
She’d assigned her to a diet of medication and plenty of food. As well as sleep, if she could manage any.
The assassin chuckled as if this could be named an assignment.
Verena got up and wandered the empty halls. She shoved her hand in the pocket of her sweat pants and wiggled her fingers until they caught the small communicator.
She pulled it out and slipped it into her ear. Tapping it twice, activating it.
“I don’t suppose my conscience is up?”
“You know I am.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Well...this seems like it would make for quite a fun story. There's definitely a lot going on here...and that ending especially was awesome...I think I will definitely be checking out chapter two of this little series very soon. Anyways, onto some more details.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ohh...very dramatic start there, definitely a really nice way to start the first chapter of a story here...well...well...let's see where this ends up going.
Well that Madam person sounds like someone who's probably not very good....also sirens and gunshots, oh wow, its all happening right here in the first couple of paragraph.
Well...I get the feeling this is probably some sort of nightmare judging from that....which would imply that's probably the past of some sort...well...I guess the title is starting to make sense here....which is great.
Well I guess my little theory was correct then...also a nice little fade into the realization there...using the watch and the darkness.
Oh dear...well that definitely does not sound like a great situation to be in...you can definitely see that something is gnawing on our assassin here.
Well..that is a bit of an ouch...although definitely a very human thing to experience there sadly...on the bright side I guess this madam character isn't as bad as I initially expected them to be...or are they...we'll see I guess.
Assignment or not, that definitely sounds like something that she very much needs to pull off there.
Oooooh...some suuper mysterious dialogue to end the chapter...loving that...definitely a great way to end a first chapter...and really make you want to read the next one.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I think this is a really nice little first chapter here...and our assassin here appears to be a pretty interesting character to follow...can't judge too much on that because its just the beginning...but ehh...well....anyway, that's all I've to say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi LadyMysterio,
Mailice here with a short review!
The title is probably the first thing that caught my eye, as it gave me so much to imagine about the direction the plot could take. What I really liked is that the story starts in the middle of a critical point, leaving the reader with suspense questions that make them want to keep reading. Probably then you have exactly the same "limited" thinking as the protagonist, who is in a dangerous situation and cannot think clearly.
I liked the whole first part very much, as already mentioned, it gave a certain tension with it, but at the same time I felt a bit lost. It really felt like a kind of nightmare where you don't really know what is happening and where you are. Only with the second reading, I was able to draw several conclusions. Up to the point where Verena wakes up, I find on the one hand very obscure, but still well portrayed. One get a bit of an insight of Verena´s character. There are still so many things unclear, probably for Verena and the reader, but that's what I think makes this introduction. There has to be a certain mystery. I'm really a bit divided about how to rate the first part. Fascinating and yet still a bit expandable in some places?
The second part gave me that familiarity again, that everything was fine. What I like is the short information that you get as a reader, as if Verena was trying to remember after waking up. It makes the first part a bit clearer but the whole thing sounds still a bit like science fiction.
What I think could be developed a bit more would be the appearance of Verena or what the room looks like, if there is anything there at all, apart from the bed. It gave me the impression that the second half was a bit too rushed through it.
Note on this madam, is she called Bavila or Bavlia? There are both spellings in your text.
In any case, the story has aroused my interest and I am curious to see to what extent the title will relate to the plot. There are still many questions that have not been answered. It's a good incentive to keep reading and I'm already looking forward to the sequel!
Have fun writing!
Mailice.
Thx for the review! Ack problem with making up a name is you sometimes forget how to spell it. I think it's Madam Bavila.
Hello!! Here for a review!!!
The first line... It really hooked me.
Is this assassin gonna murder this verena. Umm... Iz verena a celebrity or someone extremely popular? Many questions gathering in my mind.
Suspicious.
Did that person shoot verena? Oh nooo
Were all that flashbacks? Then the person really have a tragic history.
It's like WHAT!?!? Is Verena the assassin?
With this one, I have a question– how dark was it? If it's too dark, then she would not be able to see her watch.
Were these all a dream now??? So many surprises.
At last you revealed.
The same case happened earlier in your story too. Use “ ” instead of ” ”. This might be because u didn't leave any space after comma.
A word is missing here. Pls check.
What did the last two lines actually tell us? Pls clear it up a bit more.
Overall a very good job. I really liked the way you put surprises after surprises. Great work! Keep it up!
~Forever
Thanks for the review!
Where is your other chapters– 1.1 and 1.2?
Where is your other chapters– 1.1 and 1.2?
its part one of three parts of chapter one
Then shouldn't u have written 1.1?
Its part 1 of three parts (for chapter one) 1.3
It make sense in my head. Would 1.1 be part one of one?
I guess 1.1 would be better. If you are confused, you can ask others
Redeemed is spelled with two e's*glares at grammerly bc it didnt tell me that*
i said i would tag you @thescribe so here ya go!