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Hello! Happy review day! I'm Truth and I shall review your novel today
Let's start!
Alright, so overall, this looks kind of cliché but I'm hoping you'll do something with the story line to make it your own. Another thing I like less is the way the girls' behaviors are completly and utterly blond 14 year olds cliché. It's kinda making me tired... like I don't know them really much; there's nothing in their speech or actions that tell me much about them (except for Talia being very honnest) or sets them appart. It's hard characterizing... believe me, I know, because you know them but it's not so clear in the reader's mind. Just adding some depth to the characters will make this much better, and probably perfect, since there is close to no mistakes.
On to the next chapter, then!
-Truth-
Gah O_O
I did the same thing when I first started posting, leave a full space between every new paragraph. It's cramped and difficult to read otherwise.
Too much speech with little or no reason. There's so much, I can't keep up! O_O Well, that might just be the lack of spaces.
You've left me confused, why does Talia hate the Solomons? We really get that she doesn't like them, but why? And why would only the techs be paying attention to him? Plus that bit where Talia asks Jasper if he can sing/play piano came out of nowhere. Put more explanation in the beginning. We readers wanna follow but we can't understand what's going on! Throw us a lifeline?
All it takes is some editing ^_^
Blood