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You forgot the comma or period after it.
"Where flowers grow"
Also after a period I would add a new paragraph. That way it isn't a run along poem. It is a preference but it would have made it a little easier to understand in my opinion. I like the last sentence a lot and it really fit the mood. Nice work!
Thank you I will try to re work on it
thanks for the compliment it really cheers me up !
Hey, since I really liked your piece I will be harsher then normal, so take my criticism lightly! It is great in its twist and turns taking the reader here and there, and the tone fits perfectly with the poem, this is my only advise tho; to tweak the nature in this peice because nature is very cliche in the era that we live in. I also, suggest the following two lines to be removed:
"Hoping for someone to pick you up,
And put you back together."
Reason: It sounds better without them, I reread you'r poem taking those to lines out and it sounds great and the whole idea of breaking and putting back together has been played over and over for far too long.
Also these lines I suggest tweaking:
"Under the palm tree,
Where flowers grows
In a diamond shattered beige,
The sky reflects in your eyes."
reason: Cliche and the fact that your 'soul' is stuck there; probably should be a more depressing place.
Anyways, you can edit or not its just constructive criticism
Hey, since I really liked your piece I will be harsher then normal, so take my criticism lightly! It is great in its twist and turns taking the reader here and there, and the tone fits perfectly with the poem, this is my only advise tho; to tweak the nature in this peice because nature is very cliche in the era that we live in. I also, suggest the following two lines to be removed:
"Hoping for someone to pick you up,
And put you back together."
Reason: It sounds better without them, I reread you'r poem taking those to lines out and it sounds great and the whole idea of breaking and putting back together has been played over and over for far too long.
Also these lines I suggest tweaking:
"Under the palm tree,
Where flowers grows
In a diamond shattered beige,
The sky reflects in your eyes."
reason: Cliche and the fact that your 'soul' is stuck there; probably should be a more depressing place.
Anyways, you can edit or not its just constructive criticism
Thank you for your criticism I was looking forward to an answer like yours in order for me to improve my writing. I will work on the parts you showed me and reread my poem without the two lines you suggested me to remove. Thanks for your answer it really helps me !
This poem was epic! Seriously, it was like this crazy background story/ adventure into another world. And then you ended it with this big finally that lets the reader know that the "you" is actually "me", creating this perfect little mind-blowing-moment. I loved it!
However, there were a couple nitpicky things I noticed.
#1. In line four it says "where flowers grows" when it should be "where flowers grow"
#2. In line twenty seven it says "Where being love doesn't matter", do you mean being IN love?
Anyway, those were just some easily fixed nitpicks.
So overall it was an awsome poem.
Keep writing!
w&w
Thank you for your comment, I'm very glad you liked it ! Thanks for the correcting part also, and I meant " Where being loveD doesn't matter" haha I'm gonna change that also. thanks for your support !