He stares at the door, pulling the protective sheets up to his eyes. It will protect him, that’s how it feels anyway. A barrier to block what’s about to come through his bedroom door. An ogre, a violent monster. But this boy knows him as Dad. It comes home drunk most nights, stumbling up the stairs, murmuring expletives under it's breath as it leans heavily on the upstairs bannister. It always stops for a moment to look at his door. Deciding whether to burst in and have some fun. The violent monster type of fun. Where the belt gets thrown aside for fists and broken bottles.
He watches the door… like he does every night. He knows every detail of that door, the cracks in the frame, the top hinge that’s missing a screw, the worn door handle. It’s just as scared as him, every night it becomes a little bit less, a wood chip here, a wood chip there. Slowly disintegrating until there’s nothing there to stop him. He pans his head, reluctantly lending his eyes to see the time on his little alarm clock. 2:30 am. It’s nearly time. But he doesn’t know that just yet, it varies night to night. It all depends on how much the beast drinks.
His heartbeat tries to keep up with his frantic breathing. It drums against his rib cage, trying to escape, to burst through and run. He feels compelled to run away, opening the window and climbing the gutter pole down to the alleyway and running for his life. Never stopping to take a break, never stopping to look back. The fantasy stays with him for a long time. The hope of escape keeps him sane. But not for long.
The sounds of keys scratching against the front door of the house echo throughout. Pre warning. It eventually stumbles through the door frame, dropping a beer bottle on the floor. The boy will clean that up in the morning, luckily he has a spare. It tilts it's head back and necks about half of the poison nectar, steadying himself against the bottom of the stairs. The house wasn’t that big, not big enough for the three of them. If the boy designed the house the stairs would be as far away from the front door as possible. The first step is always the worst; it made a creak that made the house cringe. The boy’s right hand shakes uncontrollably, he clenches his fist to try and calm it but that never works.
“I…why is the…where is…boy.” The monster gurgles and spits, it brushes up against the side of the stair wall as it loses it's balance. The family photo at the town fair drops to the floor, the frame would have broken but it’s not its first time making that journey. The creature drops the rest of the beer on the floor as it gets it's bearings. The boy pulls the cover up higher under his eyeballs now. He doesn’t have the guts to go all the way. He holds his breath, his view still consisting of that rickety door. He prays in his mind that it doesn’t open, that the hinges seize, or that in its old age it gets stuck and can never open. But praying never helps, not so far. The floorboards outside his room creak, his heart stops beating and he closes his eyes. Please…please.
It moves on, it opens the door to it's bedroom where it's mate is sleeping soundly, the drunk outbursts becoming part of her slumber now. The door shuts; the boy opens his eyes and starts breathing again, but ever so softly. Never wake the beast, never. His hands are still gripping the sheet tightly; he slowly rolls on his side and shuts his eyes again. He might have a chance to sleep tonight. To close his eyes and dream of a better place. A place with four walls and a locked door.
But tonight it plays a different game. Bored of the usual terror. The boy closes his eyes tight, trying to force his body to sleep. But not tonight, his body can't be tricked like his fragile mind. He hears that noise. The noise that haunts his dreams. The bump in the night. The floorboards outside his room creak.
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139,496 Literary Works • 672,585 Reviews
I really enjoyed reading this, I like how you took something so simple and explored it. the way you referred to 'the beast' as it also was good it was really as if he wasn't human at all. I also like the way you've written it I feel like I go through what the boy does and feel the same way he does.
Thanks.
You already know that I love this piece, so yeah you definitely have a lifelong fan if you keep this up!
Actually I have thought of a better way to make your point, like this: "He watches the door; he does every night." Its just a suggestion and I may be using the semi-colon wrong but it makes more sense to me when I read it. 
I can't wait for your next piece!
Before I start listing the bits I loved I want to point out one suggestion. In this line, "He watches the door... like he does every night." I think the ellipses is not needed. Or you could change the wording around a little so that it has more purpose. Like this, "He watches the door... he does every night." it has more of an impact I think.
This was a moving story about an abusive father. What I thought was great was that you refered to him as 'it' throughtout the whole piece. That little detail made a big impact on how we viewed the father. It helped along our view of him as a monster and we could see more clearly through the boy's eyes. Also, the fact you don't use any names adds to this piece more. We are not bugged down by trying to identify with the character as each reader can mould him to suit them. Ok, that probably doesn't make sense but it was a compliment!
Your tittle promised us either a tale of something supernatural or someone getting hurt. The truth of what your tittle means is a hundred times more awesome! The 'bump' is the door banging open. It is his father stomping over to him. It is the monster playing his violent games. I think I may have said this before but I adore little details like that. Lines like that which has so much meaning are what make a piece of work extraordinary.
I am jealous of your ability to write such amazing short stories.
~ Valkyrie
Thanks a lot, lot of pressure on me now when writing the next one ha. I look forward to your next inevitable review
LMJ
That was absolutely great! So much emotion and detail that you've worked in here, and the way you did it keeps the reader interested. I was scared for the little boy; I instantly lended him my sympathy. There are a lot of stories about kids being abused that it's almost become overused-- however, you kept it real and interesting. I thought the way the boy thought of his father as an IT was genius!
This was intense to read; the suspense weaved in here left an aching feeling in my chest-- so much so that it almost hurt! I read this before you revised the ending and reread it just now, and I LOVE the ending you put on it this time. It's horrible and awful and perfect for the story.
Keep up the great work. A+ on imagery and emotion!
Nice story very intense and detailed. I think I'm already following you.
Why doesn't the mother do something about her husband and her son? She's an awful mother for just ignoring it and why can't the boy run can he not strike up the nerve or does he feel he'll just get caught? Or has he done it before?
I like this piece very much. Well done. I would write a review, but it seems that the main things have already been addressed. Great work though! I'll follow you...I just joined yesterday and am lookin for ppl to yws with
Hi, there LMJ!
SlushySlapped here for another review!
This time I have a few little nitpicks, but they are merely suggestions. So do with them what you want.
I think that instead of the comma after fun, it should be a period. For added drama.
I feel like a 'to' should be added before 'burst.'
My suggestion for this sentence:
When I read this, I think of it as the boys thoughts. Italics would make it seem more desperate.
This sentence is a little long. It disrupts the flow you've got going. Try cutting it up a bit.
Okay, onto what I think!
Well, sir, you've done it again!
I feared for the boy and, like Dragongirl, I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. I loved your descriptions. They're always very good. Calling the father a monster and an it, was perfect. You're very talented! Great job on this!
Keep writing!
Riveting is the word I would use to describe this piece.
I was on the edge of my seat the whole. The terror of the boy was written in a way that it draws in the reader.
I think one of the things I liked best about the way you wrote this how you had the boy tracking how close his father was by the noise he makes, the sound of keys at the lock, the first creaky stair, and the family photo dropping was especially clever because while it continued to build the suspense, it also added a delicate touch of horror.
There is only a couple things that I think you could change to make this piece just a little better.
"But he doesn’t know that just yet, it varies night to night. It all depends on how much *his father was drinking."
*In this story you refer to the father as 'It' or 'the monster' a lot which I really like, so when you write that it is 'his father' here, I think it is a little bit unnecessary and it takes away from the story. Not actually saying it is the boy's father would add more power to the story if the only time you mention it is his father is in that last line.
"He might be cleaning up the mess that Dad said he caused, when the monster goes bump in the night."
And really the only other thing I could say is that the ending doesn't seem as finished as it could be. Rather than ending with a bang, it just sort of peters out.
That being said, this is really good! The emotion come through very strongly and this is a gripping dark piece that pulls the reader in. Well done.
Keep up the good writing.
-DG
I agree completely with the it and his situation and im going to ammend it. Reading this ive thought of a better ending and im going to rewrite it slightly just to give you guys the horror that you like so much.
Wow, well done.
This was a truthful account of what a fair few kids go through in terms of abuse. With the exception of maybe a couple of things of course.
This was simple yet emotionally enthralling. Brilliant work.