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Young Writers Society


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Lyrical Chapter 3: "Everytime"- Simple Plan

by LJF


Two Years Ago: Michael

(Note: This chapter is meant to be read while listening to the song it's named after. Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R17ahSKpxWc

Nightcore version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l0oNDims7o )

September 19

I woke up to another text. It had been over two weeks since she had first texted me, and nearly a week since I’d finally texted back. I’d fallen asleep texting Annie the previous night-- we had a lot to catch up on.

The new text was another song title. We’d always done that….before. I looked at it. Simple Plan, of course. What else did you expect? It was her favorite band. At least that hadn’t changed. Which reminded me….

Michael: “Aren’t they coming to play near you in a few months?”

Annie: “Yeah, why?”

Michael: “Are you going?”

Annie: “Are you kidding? Of course! Liam got me tickets for my birthday.”

Liam, huh? That name sounded familiar-- had she mentioned him to me before? Back then? Oh! Now I remembered….

Michael: “Liam….Isn’t that the guy you were always talking about?”

Annie: “I was not!”

Michael: “Let’s see….’Omigosh! He’s soooooo cute! But he’s too popular to ever notice me. Michael, what do I do?’ Sound familiar?”

Annie: “I never, ever said that. I have never in my life used the word ‘Omigosh!’ and I would never use the term ‘sooooooo cute’ to describe anyone. Besides, if anything, I would’ve called you Mika.”

Michael: “Don’t call me that. Maybe you didn’t say it in so many words, but you’re avoiding the question. Is it the same guy?”

Annie: “Yeah.”

Michael: “So are you two going out now or something?”

Annie: “Yeah. We’ve been together for about seven months.”

Michael: “That’s a long time.”

By high school standards, at least.

Annie: “I guess. Whatever happened with your ex, anyway? Did you two ever get back together?”

Michael: “Are you kidding? Not in a million years. After what happened, I was done with dating. I haven’t gone out with anyone since.”

Annie: “Really? Well, now you’re in college! You can go out and do things on your own time. Meet a nice girl. Fall in love. All that good stuff.”

Michael: “But the only nice girl I know is already taken…. :(”

Annie: “You’re funny. But seriously, make some friends.”

Michael: “Sure. Whatever you say.”

Annie: “Hey, Mika?”

Michael: “Don’t call me that.”

Annie: “I missed you. I missed this. I missed….us.”

Michael: “Yeah.”

Annie: “Mika?”

Michael: “Don’t call me that.”

Annie: “I’m so glad we’re friends again.”

Michael: “I got that. I’m glad too.”

Annie: “It’s getting late. I’ve got to go get ready.”

Michael: “Alright. Talk to you later!”

I got dressed and checked my schedule and groaned. I had an 8 AM lecture, and then my schedule was clear- until 2 PM, when I had a whole bunch of lectures, one after another. I wouldn’t get home until nearly 8 PM. College was weird.


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351 Reviews


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Sun Mar 25, 2018 7:47 am
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Kanome wrote a review...



Hello, LJF. I am here to provide you a review in honor of Review Day. Let's begin, shall we?

Overall Opinion
This is the cutest friendship I had ever seen. I love how they just reconnect after not texting for a while. It seems like to me that Micheal either has a crush or is in love with his friend, but does not know it yet? Or does not want to admit it? I hope you continue this, because this seems interesting. The plot does, at least.

Nitpicks and Stuff

I’d fallen asleep texting Annie the previous night-- we had a lot to catch up on.


You need to put semicolons instead of dashes. It will give that pause for the reader.

Annie: “It’s getting late. I’ve got to go get ready.”


Simple mistake, you forgot the italics in her text.

I got dressed and checked my schedule and groaned. I had an 8 AM lecture, and then my schedule was clear- until 2 PM, when I had a whole bunch of lectures, one after another.


These two sentences are jumbled up in a way that it doesn't make sense. You put 'and' twice in one sentence. In the second sentence, you let it drone on. I think both sentences should be revised in a way it would make sense to your readers.

Conclusion
Just make sure you re-read through your story and revise before publishing. It will help you understand what needs to be fixed that way you don't make the same mistakes. It does help if you read your story aloud.
Tip: Revise and edit.
Keep up the great work. Not a bad read. Keep writing and enjoy the rest of your day.

- Kanome




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Sun Mar 18, 2018 3:22 pm
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Danni88 wrote a review...



Hey LJF! Danni here for a review! Sorry for the delay, I've been like super busy.


First off, you need to show more of Michael's feelings. Is he upset that Annie and Liam are together? Does it remind him of his ex? You definitely need to work on that.

I also feel like the ending was a bit off. He wasn't thinking about Annie or Simple Plan at all. Maybe add something to this as well.

Overall, this was good! Not the best, but has potential.

Danni x




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25 Reviews


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Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:33 am
LJF says...



Sorry, I know it's a little slow! Next chapter we start getting into their backstory, and after that the story will start actually moving! Please bear with me?




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25 Reviews


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Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:30 am
LJF says...



@izanami @saentiel @Danni88 @alliyah @AllisontheWriter @KatjaDawn @Lake @Tenyo @Danni88 @Flumadiddle @emolemon @jemming17





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