Hello, LJF. I am here to provide you a review in honor of Review Day. Let's begin, shall we?
Overall Opinion
This is the cutest friendship I had ever seen. I love how they just reconnect after not texting for a while. It seems like to me that Micheal either has a crush or is in love with his friend, but does not know it yet? Or does not want to admit it? I hope you continue this, because this seems interesting. The plot does, at least.
Nitpicks and Stuff
I’d fallen asleep texting Annie the previous night-- we had a lot to catch up on.
You need to put semicolons instead of dashes. It will give that pause for the reader.
Annie: “It’s getting late. I’ve got to go get ready.”
Simple mistake, you forgot the italics in her text.
I got dressed and checked my schedule and groaned. I had an 8 AM lecture, and then my schedule was clear- until 2 PM, when I had a whole bunch of lectures, one after another.
These two sentences are jumbled up in a way that it doesn't make sense. You put 'and' twice in one sentence. In the second sentence, you let it drone on. I think both sentences should be revised in a way it would make sense to your readers.
Conclusion
Just make sure you re-read through your story and revise before publishing. It will help you understand what needs to be fixed that way you don't make the same mistakes. It does help if you read your story aloud.
Tip: Revise and edit.
Keep up the great work. Not a bad read. Keep writing and enjoy the rest of your day.
- Kanome
Points: 11482
Reviews: 351
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