Hello Everyone! I wrote this for the YWS news. I want it to be good, so tear it apart as much as needed. I'm looking for a new beginning and end, so please help me out with that! Thanks! 
I read a lot of books. Most of them I like. Sometimes they are made into movies. And sometimes, it seems like the movies ruin the book. Movies and books are totally different, but if a movie is based on a book, don’t you think that the movie should have the same story line as the book? Or at least the same characters?
One of my all-time favorite books is Newbery Honor book Ella Enchanted, written by Gail Carson Levine. The book was published in 1997 and a movie was produced in 2004. Ella Enchanted is a twist on Cinderella. Although I love the movie, it is probably the most obvious example I have seen of a book being turned into a movie and the movie being extremely obviously different. In the movie, there are new characters that were not in the book and some characters were portrayed completely different than in the book, many important details were left out, and even a new plot was added. Talk about the movie being different than the book!
When asked about the movie, Gail Carson Levine stated that the film is “so different from the book that it's hard to compare them," and recommended "regarding the movie as a separate creative act" Whereas, Anne Hathaway, who plays Ella in the film, said that she prefers the way the movie actually turned out because it "makes fun of itself for being a fairy tale."
There are many other movies that can make books look bad. Some people are so fed up that if they like a book they don’t want a movie to be made because it may change the way they look at the book. But, there are some movies that represent the book well. It all depends on how producers, directors, and other movie business people write there movie. Will they follow the story of the book, or make extreme changes?
P.S. I'm new at this so I know it is probably really bad. Please do not be too harsh. Thanks!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hey K! I just have to say, I couldn't agree more. I have complained about this so many times. Ella Enchanted is one, Princess Diaries is another, Eragon and Percy Jackson are both victems of Hollywood too. I just have to say how much I agree with you on this problem, and it drives me crazy that Hollywood does this. I know that this review is no help whatsoever, I just wanted you to know that I agree
Hey thanks so much for reviewing guys. It helps me out a lot. I know it was pretty bad, but hopefully if I follow some of your guidelines and examples I can make it really good! Thanks!
This opening paragraph seems kind of choppy and juvenile to me. First of all, I think you could have a much more grabbing opening line that draws your readers in more. The first four sentences can be combined into one to get rid of the choppy feeling.
I like the tone you're setting up with the questions but I think that can have a little more punch too. Personally, I'd say something like "Obviously movies and books are very different, but if a movie..."
By saying you love the movie and saying it's really different from the book, it kind of goes against what you said in the previous paragraph. Even if you do love it, maybe say "The movie is good, but..."
Alright the second part of this sentence needs to be reworded. After the "but" I'd go with something like "...it's a clear example of a movie not following the details of the book" To me, that sounds a lot more sophisticated.
There is so much repetition of "the book" here and it's distracting to me. I'd try to get it down to just one use of "the book".
Also, I'm not sure if these submissions have a word limit or anything but I'd elaborate more. Who are the new characters? How are some characters different? What was left out and what was added? You don't have to go into intense detail here but just a little more of an example would be good.
I like that you included quotes from both sides.
Amen to that second sentence. One of my favorite books, Maximum Ride is apparently being made into a movie (although they keep pushing back the date and haven't cast anyone) and the director of Twilight is directing it. Kill me.
But anyway...
Like what?
You've got a good foundation here. I think overall, you just need more detail. Let me know if you need something clarified or if you want me to look at a second draft or something
-Carly
Hey, Ktg! ^_^
Do you do a lot of essay and report writing at school? I would treat writing an article in a similar way. You want a strong opener, that makes a bold statement, and envokes a reaction in the reader- this is an opinion article, so get tough! You don't have to please everyone.
I'll give you an example;
Movie adaptions ruin the source material. When a book becomes popular, hollywood takes it, mangles it, and creates a whole new fanbase- one who doesn't appreciate the original work of the author. Movies should stay true to the book.
This statement- I don't actually believe it. Atonement was a brilliant adaption, and probably only boosted sales. But the point I am making is it is an opinionated statement. It won't appeal to all- people are either going to agree, or disagree. But either way, they are more likely to continue reading than if you beat around the bush.
The opener introduces your statement. The paragraphs, you make your point.
Not bad, you have an example, an explination, and eventually you do make a point. These are whats needed in a paragraph. I have removed some superflous information- you're not proving you know dates, it's beside the point.
This sentence seems kind of awkward. Read it out loud- do you see what I mean? I would reword it. Keeping with a fairly relaxed language style, this is how I would state it-
Don't get me wrong, I love the movie, but it just is nothing like the book.
It's by no means the right sentence, or the best one, but do you get my point? Keep things simple, make strong points.
Strong point...
Movies often make books look bad, to the point that fans of books would rather movies were never even made.
And then you have a statement that challenges the rest of your points. This is difficult, but it can be done, but again, you have to be more assertive in your statements.
Again, these are just ideas on rewording, I don't know your subject as well as you do, so make changes as you see fit. What I would suggest is also writing a proper conclusion, which wraps up your ideas and points, and doesn't introduce any new ideas or points. Be assertive, be firm, get reactions! I actually am really interested in your subject choice, being a fan of both books and movies, but somewhat wary of adaptations- so I would love to see an article on it in the YWS newsletter. You have interesting points and a good example- you just need to get a little tougher! =D
If you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me. ^_^
-Nutty
Hey Ktg
, I just want to say before I start that it's hard not to be hash - even if it is really good, because we are here to find the bad bits and help you improve on them and to find the good bits and praise them.
But if we aren't harsh then you won't really take note!
Don't start a sentence with and, it a) doesn't work, and b) stops it from flowing, you either need to join it to the previous sentence, or get rid of the and and make a new sentence!
I'm not sure this sentence flows properly, I think it is the repetition of the word obvious twice in one sentence!
I think that different should be differently
Overall this is good, other than the corrections above I didn't notice anything bad, the way it is written is fine, all I would say is that the vocabulary isn't too complex so maybe using a varied vocabulary would add to the effect! If you have a thesarus handy when writing - it might be easier
Good job - well done!