Silent Lover

JC here for review day!

I love the repeating style in poems. It's so good to show emotions and even draws people in.

"I am your silent lover,

Hidden in the dark." I enjoy this line alot it reminds me an assassin or an angel either one.

"I am your sullen lover,

So sweetly silent." This line makes me think of someone who sits and take the abuse.

I am your secret lover,

Perfectly quiet in my prison. This line ties in well with the second and make me think of pent
pent up feelings not yet told.

I am your still lover,

Unmoving here alone. This makes me think of someone just watching someone from afar

I am your sweet lover,

Pure in my innocence. To me this doesn't flow well with the rest of the lines that've seemed
sad.

I am your suffering lover,

Aching from forbidden love. Back to the flow and normality of the sadness.

I am your silent lover,

Buried in your disregard. I love this its so strong at the end perfect way to end this.


The poem flowed very well, I enjoyed it a lot. The only hangup was the part about the sweet lover. The rest of it seemed sad besides that, should have stayed to that in my opinion. Very well written and thought out though GREAT POEM

Keep writing

-JC

The usage of the word lover I felt was very effective within this poem. The subject matter you used has been done numerous times before but you turned it into something original. Nothing was technically wrong with this poem. I love the feeling of raw passion dripping from this poem. The emotion is felt ever so clearly. Well done.

I am your silent lover,

Buried in your disregard.

First off, I really liked the continuing lover. And changing the adjective before 'lover' each time was a great affect. Each stanza was well written and a very nice flow. Your word choosing skills are very wel trained and the whole thing overall was really nice!
The only problem I had was the way you described things, made it seem as the situation was changing. At some points I couldn't figure what you were feeling when you wrote this. Any who, that wasn't a technical problem or anything, just my 2 cents. Keep writing girly!

Hey there author2b here to review this piece.

What I liked:

1. The repetitiveness. You may get some mixed reviews on this, but I will tell you now I enjoyed this part of your poem the most.

2. The idea. You played with an intresting part of passion and love and you made something great.

What I didn't like:

1. I feel like some lines may have been better with other lines, or not in here at all. For example "sullen lover" shouldn't be "sweetly silent", the two terms don't work well together. other lines, such as the ones of "suffering" or "still" lovers work well together. Consider what kind of lover each one is and change ones that don't fit.

Overall:
Work on understanding your piece and what you are trying to descibe. Other than that great job!

Hi there! So the first thing I noticed, of course, is the repetitiveness of this poem. While sometimes this is a good thing, it does make your poem a bit choppy. I like your theme, I love you passion, but I feel like it is muffled by you lack of vocabulary. The best way I can think of to fix this is to change the word "lover" to other words that mean about the same thing. Friend, mistress, romance, interest, love, etc. could all be used in place of "lover." I recognize that you were attempting to use the repetition in an artistic and creative manner to emphasize your point, but I feel this could be better accomplished by synonyms that reinforce your point, because the constant repetition (while somewhat artistic) takes away from the passion that I can tell your poem can hold. Other than that, I like it, and think you have a lot of potential with this work. Goodluck, and keep writing!