Broken

Hi, Buzz here to review your poem.

I liked that I got the sense of sadness from this heartbreak and how simply worded it was. I liked the first line because in a way it was reassuring yourself that you'll be okay. I also liked the fact that it was written in terms of a monologue.

"My sweet, sad, broken self,

Don't cry over he who broke you."


As there is always room for improvement, I have a few minor things to address to you.

The flow and rhythm is a bit awkward at certain points, i think it may be due to the inconsistent syllables and line lengths. You could try breaking up some words more to fit the rest of the poem.

"He didn't know what he was capable of doing with your fragile, vulnerable heart."
This line was a little long, but it was still good.

I see the emotion of sadness in this, however I don't really see the feeling of brokenness in your poem, I think you could go further with the emotion of it, instead of the typical heartbreak sadness that everyone experiences, what made this one different?

Overall a nice poem, Hope i was of help to you.

-Buzz

You used heart twice in a very short amount of time; it made it sound choppy. Maybe tweak this line a bit to say life at the end?

Don't cry over pushing him out of your heart.

My sweet, sad, broken self,

Don't cry over he who broke you.

Hi, Dream here with review on your poem. First of all, Happy Review Day!

I prefer read a simple poem which is written in a plain/ unfussy way but still show the quality of aesthetic value within the poem; that is, delivered in poetic way and thus can comfort the reader when they read the poem. Easy to understand, but enough to feel the beauty of the poem itself.

My sweet, sad, broken self,
Don't cry over he who broke you.

I feel that way right now...problem is I have to cry because there's nothing else I can do

Hey there, KaspynPaxian en route down the review highway.

This is always a difficult subject to review, because nobody enjoys being sad. However the literal aspect of the poem is a different story.

I liked the way you talked to yourself. I do that a lot and it made the poem really easy to understand and relate to.

Like the previous reviewer said, the best line was

"Don't cry over he who broke you."

They're simple words, but the way you put them together has a very stoic quality to them that make them stand out from the rest of the poem. I guess you could say "It has a nice ring to it," even though "Nice" was not what you were going for when you wrote it.

If i had any complaints, it would be the lines 3-5

"He didn't know what he was capable of doing with your fragile, vulnerable heart.
Don't cry over pushing him out of your heart.
He doesn't know that he was the one that was always there."

It's not that they're bad lines, they just seem too long, and they kind of interrupt the poem's overall flow.

Line 1- six syllables
Line 2- eight syllables
Line 3- twenty-three syllables
Line 4- eleven syllables
Line 5- fourteen syllables
Line 6- seven syllables
Line 7- nine syllables
Line 8- seven syllables
Line 9- eight syllables
as you can see, lines 1,2,6-9 all have around 7-8 syllables, but line 3-5 are double and triple that.

also line 3 and 4 both end with the same word, "heart." I thought this kind of sounded funny, but that's just my opinion. I would have tried to use a different word there, for lyrical variety.

I don't mean to sound too harsh though, it was a really nice poem.

Keep it up!

-Kaspyn

Hey aouther2b here to review.

What I liked:

1. "Over he who broke you" I love this line so much. It is perfec for this piece. The syntax yiu chose works so well with this kind of poetry.

2. The idea. I know very well how this feels. I love the way you have put words to this idea.

What I didn't like:

1. The middle. You have a strong start and strong end but the middle is kind of jumbled. I'm unsure of what your trying to say. I get he broke your heart but your reasons for not crying seem odd and don't really make sense.

2. The emotion. Or lack there of. I feel like for such a deep topic you could have put way more emotion in it. It would explain why your so upset as well as tell us just how upset you are.

Hey aouther2b here to review.

What I liked:

1. "Over he who broke you" I love this line so much. It is perfec for this piece. The syntax yiu chose works so well with this kind of poetry.

2. The idea. I know very well how this feels. I love the way you have put words to this idea.

What I didn't like:

1. The middle. You have a strong start and strong end but the middle is kind of jumbled. I'm unsure of what your trying to say. I get he broke your heart but your reasons for not crying seem odd and don't really make sense.

2. The emotion. Or lack there of. I feel like for such a deep topic you could have put way more emotion in it. It would explain why your so upset as well as tell us just how upset you are.