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The Ugliest of Scabs

by Kresle

The ugliest of scabs rules my heart.
The knife used to kill another;
The knife used that tore me apart;
I've scarred myself scarring a lover.

These scabs of mine, I make them fall off.
With my nails, I've peeled endlessly.
Though new wounds become the payoff,
it may be better to leave them be

I have questioned after my shadow
yet it continues the journey.
Chasing, unable to stay low,
I shut my mouth as it works for me.

An ideal foreign from the start.
The shadow I have accepted.
The ugliest of scabs fooled my heart.
All was meaningless, as expected.

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32 Reviews

Points: 1600
Reviews: 32

Tue Mar 31, 2020 10:09 pm
EthanHoover wrote a review...

I love Shakespeare almost as I love poetry, so I couldn't turn a blind eye to this one. And it didn't disappoint! I think you really captured a lot of powerful emotion in this poem, and it certainly rings of the original play.

Like I said, this poem is very good, but in order to be constructive, I guess I had better critique *something*. One thing that I noticed while reading was that the rhymes felt a little bit forced, though not terribly so. I don't really have advice on how to fix it, and like I said it wasn't anything major, but it's worth noting.

Other than that, you might think about trying some more emotional words. For example, is there a better way of saying that he wants the scabs to "fall off?" I know it rhymes with "payoff," but perhaps you could say that the speaker wants to "tear" or "cut" them off. I'm sure you could find a better word than those, but you get the idea.

Like I said, I really enjoyed this poem! The points I made are both extremely minor, and probably not worth fretting about, but it is good to take note of them. Keep up the good work!

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26 Reviews

Points: 26
Reviews: 26

Tue Mar 17, 2020 3:32 am
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redvictory wrote a review...

I saw that this was about Macbeth, and I just had to check it out, and I'm glad I did! Literature analysis and exploration in the form of poetry is so creative.

I like the thematic feelings of this! The scabs being the counterpart of the blood in the original text (or at least that's how it read to me...) makes for a really compelling read!

The lines that stood out the most to me are "I've scarred myself scarring a lover" and "I have questioned after my shadow/yet it continues the journey." Can't say why... I think it's just that they're so loaded with meaning, which is something I love in the poetry I read! You do a good job with those feelings throughout. You give just enough emotional detail for me to understand what's happening and get into it, but are vague enough for the reader to imagine and enjoy! The atmosphere goes really well with that of the original text.

I would keep experimenting with punctuation and capitalization! There are a lot of full stops at the end of every line followed by capital letters, which made the whole thing feel just a little choppy. Maybe that was what you meant, though! No worries, just something that could use some more practice and refinement. I can see where you tried some stuff out, though! Like the shadow line I quoted above, those two flow really smoothly into each other! I'm not sure if this was an accident on purpose, but I love the lack of a period after "it may be better to leave them be". It leaves the thought hanging into nothingness and adds a LOT to the thought!

Really great stuff! I'm glad I ended up reading this. :) I hope my review has been helpful! Keep writing! :D

Kresle says...

Thanks for the review! :)
The punctuation and capitalization was a last-minute touch before posting here, haha. But again, thanks!

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153 Reviews

Points: 2501
Reviews: 153

Mon Mar 16, 2020 1:20 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...

Hi there!

So, I just had to read this when I saw it was about Macbeth. I did the play for GCSE English last year and loved it. In fact, I actually wrote my own poem about the play as well, which isn't that much different from this!

I liked the layout/structure of the poem, and the rhyme scheme worked really well. It reads well out loud, which is always something I look for in a poem. The way you linked the beginning and end stanza's with "heart" was a nice touch as well.

[/quote] it may be better to leave them be [/quote]
You've forgotten to capitalise the I at the beginning of the line here.

These scabs of mine, I make them fall off.
With my nails, I've peeled endlessly.

I don't know why, but these lines don't sit right with me. They seem too forced, and don't flow as well as the others, particularly "I make them fall off". There must be a better way of wording this? Perhaps you could include a line from the actual play or something.

Kresle says...

Thank you for your review!
I'll be honest with you, those lines were the ones I had the most trouble with! Urgh. Up to now, I still can't think of anything better.
But again, thank you!

4revgreen says...

I know how you feel, I always end up in a situation like that whilst writing poetry.

It takes as much imagination to create debt as to create income.
— Leandro Orr