Young Writers Society

Thanks for sharing this very interesting poem about a boy who feels uncomfortable in school and shows it by scribbling and wishing for time to go by faster. It isn’t hard t imagine the scenario. Some inner city schools are veritable armed camps with security guards patrolling the halls and stationed at the entrance. Little learning is done there and kids are just happy to have survived another day without getting sent to ER or killed. Teachers are usually in the same survival mode.

I like how the poem conveys the desperation of this student who chooses to glance at the clock wishing it to go faster and scribbles on pape mindlessly. I imagined his peers doing the same while the potbellied teacher with a Mr. Roger horrified face gazed out the window with bloodshot eyes hoping the day would fly by.


Suggestions

The meter established in the first stanza is [3,3,4,3,] or [4,3,4,3,]
Staying true to either of these would greatly enhance the poem.

The words “was” and “watches” are out of harmony. One is past and the other present.

Such was this little boy[,] 3
[r]ipping pages from his book[.] 3
Every minute [felt] an hour in school[.] 4
Watched the clock but never looked[.] 3

Rolled up, treated as trash[.]
Crumpling paper again and as fast[.]
A calm mind but a not-so-serene heart[.]
Thinks he can rotate the hourglass[.]
-
Sitting in his crowded drivel[,] 4
both hands and feet get colder 3
[as he writes his many pointless scribbles[,] 4
[a]nd they [w]ait until it’s over . 3
-
He’s running out of ink[,]
[b]ut a pens can be replaced [.]
Everyday, he’s nearer to the brink[,]
scribbling down remaining space[.]
-
Turning from the clock each day
[kept] in the corner of his eye
Noticing pages flying away
[o]blivious to wasted time[.]

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Looking forward to reading more of your work.

I loved your poem. It is literally me because I always just doddle and then goes straight to the trash. I love how you said you wrote it like a punk rock song and then I'm just Shakespeare drama voice in my head. I found nothing to be nit picky about and it was just overall amazing keep up the good work *thumbs up*.

Your poem was an awesome read. I loved these following lines:

"He’s running out of ink
But a pen’s fairly easy to replace
Everyday, closing in on the brink
He’s scribbling down the remaining space"

Your lines simply swapped my soul with the school kid, I was totally in his place.
We all do such things in school, and writing a poem out of that is realistic and relatable.
I enjoyed.your work. No art is great than our doodles. Lol.
But you laid an emphasis on waste of time.
That's pretty good.
Looking forward for more. Keep up the work.