When Pink Turns Blue

Hi there Konijnje! Niteowl here to review.

I think this is a compelling idea for a poem. There's some compelling imagery that takes us from the joy of being a new parent to the horror of having the baby suffer a medical emergency.

Where I think the piece could be improved is making it more clear what happened and when. It seems unusual to me that a baby would suffer a severe medical issue right after coming home from the hospital. Not that it couldn't happen, but it seems strange to me because presumably the hospital would give mom and baby a clean bill of health before leaving. If the baby had some sort of medical problem, she would probably still be in the hospital.

The second part that seems odd to me is that the parent isn't going with the child to the hospital. Unless the child is dead at the scene, but that's also unclear from the narrative, especially since there was no attempt at resuscitation. It seems weird that they wouldn't at least attempt to take the baby to the hospital and save her life, so I'd think the parent would be with the baby.

Also, a more minor quibble: "watched frantically" feels contradictory. I can understand the possibility that she might freeze, not knowing what to do, but you can't watch something frantically. I could also see her doing something frantically, but it's unclear that she's doing anything but watch.

Overall, this has the power to be a compelling and sad poem, but I would work on clarifying the narrative to make it more clear what's happening and the timeline of events. Keep writing!

Hello, Anne here. This is a beautiful poem, I am mystified, in the best kind of way. I would like to start this review by saying that I am sorry that you recently had to go through something like this and that I hope your situation improves soon.
You seemed to shift tenses a bit, this really jumped out to me, especially in your first stanza:

I never fully UNDERSTOOD
the love a mother FEELS for a child
until we BROUGHT you home
wrapped in pink.

Maybe try something a little big more like the following. It would keep your readers from confusion.

I never thought I could fully UNDERSTAND
the love that a mother FEELS for a child
that is until you CAME into our home
wrapped in pink.

Maybe you could apply small changes like that in your poem. I really enjoyed how you did not use contractions, this instantly enhances any form of writing and makes it easier to read. I really love how your title went along with the poem. It grabbed my attention and I was curious as to what was going to happen next. You also made your poem easy to read which would encourage a wider audience. The only other criticism I have is you could have made it longer. Did the speaker go to the hospital? Was the baby alright? You could have easily gotten in at least two more stanzas.

I love your use of imagery, I could imaging the things that were going on. Especially when you said, " As your tiny, quivering lips turned blue." It was beautiful. I also liked when you used the words whisked, screeching, pink, etc.

I hope that you keep writing, this work was a pleasure to read and review!

Have a wonderful day!
- Anne

Hi Konijnje Rodger here for a quick review, first of all 'Wow!!!!' This is so touching.
Thank you for making this review very very easy for me, because it is so good that I really have nothing negative to say but anyways lets get into it..

First things first lets talk about why I instantly fell in love with this poem are;
#1 Title- Just when I saw the title "When Pink Turns Blue" my mind was already triggered , to know what was happening in this story or whats it about. All because the title how mentions two different elements, or things in this case colours pink and blue which do not even look slimier for that matter. So the title is eye-catching which every piece of writing should have, because it is what first of all attracts the readers attention before they get to the actual content, So job well done on that.

#2 Emotion!!!- The one key element that sets aside good poems or stories from amazing poems and stories is 'emotion' readers must be able to feel something when they read a particular piece weather it is anger dis-pare or sadness, but they must feel something. And the is no better emotion then the emotion of sadness or grief then the sadness that comes from a Innocent baby which you perfectly disclose this is best felt in the first two stanza's ''
I never fully understood
The love a mother feels for a child
Until we brought you home
Wrapped in pink.

I guess it never occurred to me
That a mother could feel grief
Just as strongly.''

This poem allows the reader to feel the pain the character which in this case is the mother is enduring.
#3 Relate-able- Are poem that a reader can relate to greats more emotion to the reader as he or she personally understands what the character is going through.

#3 Easy to understand- Many times we readers turn to over complicated our writing which makes it hard for the reader to clearly understand what is happening. And this poem gives direction and understanding to the reader right from the start.

The only negative thing I can say about this poem is that I believe it could have gone a little further but that is just my opinion. Non the less it is an amazingly touching story that many people can easily relate two even if they have not actually experience the lose of a child or any body for that matter, So with that said thank you for writing.

And remember to always Keep On Writing (K.O.W)....