Last Ones Standing

by KnightTeen

Published November 6, 2013

In Song Fiction

AN: This one is for NightWolf!

Tell the taxi driver pull up over there
Sprint down the street and we don't pay the fare

When you suggested that we do something tonight, I had no idea that this was what you had in mind. Here we are, on the last night we will ever have together, and we're jumping out of a taxi. I think we just gave that poor driver a heart attack. Before you jumped, I asked you if you were sure about this. The smile on your beautiful face was my answer.

In the morning we will go our separate ways, and it is more than likely we won't see each other until our ten-year reunion, but for tonight we are here, together. For tonight we have each other. So I don't care that we just did something illegal.

I don't care that we did something stupid. As the preacher's son, I've never really did anything crazy before. Might as well get in a little teenage rebellion before I move across country and have to be a responsible adult.

We're on the run
And I'm about to lose it
Shes like a gun
And she ain't afraid to use it

You're crazy tonight. You let your hair down and its blowing in the wind as we run down the street where everyone said they'd be waiting for us. For once, I'm going along with your harebrained idea without questioning a thing.

We'll catch our very last train
Light our very last flames
And we'll knock it all back and forget our names
Cause it's our last night
And it's one last fight
We're the last ones
The last ones standing

All the cliques and little groups are gone for tonight. Enemies become friends for this brief period of time. This is it. We've spent the past four years in the same building together, we walked by each other in the halls, and until now none of us had ever really spoken to each other. The Jocks are mingling with the Nerds and the Drama Department Chics are currently having a civil conversation with the Skater Boys. Any other day we would have sent them to the nurse, but the status quo doesn't exist anymore.

Go tell the waitress, we'll have 2 rum and cokes
Ask for the bill and then we'll split when she goes
Out the fire exit wearing some strangers coat
We'll sing it out til we're sore in the throat


Somebody brought drinks, someone brought hot dogs, and getting a fire going isn't that hard with former Boy-scouts in our midst. It's a small town, and there are maybe forty of us gathered around the flames. Who'da thought we'd make it this far. I certainly didn't. Somebody starts singing and it isn't long until we all join in.


This ain't childs play like pass the parcel or
Build a castle, jus a couple of rascals who
Go harder, live faster
Fight til the end like Jason's Argonauts
Cause lifes a carnival
There's no reason, motives marginal
Don't care if we're cold and starvin
We'll still be laughin when...


We're sitting there in that tree, not very high off the ground but still high enough to see over our classmates' heads. The limb is just big enough for two, as long as we sit close together. Even though the tree is still standing, it is clearly dead and has no leaves, so we are able to look up at the stars. You point this out to me, and I watch as you tilt your head back to stare at the twinkling lights. When you look at me and ask what I am staring at, I can't answer. I'm to caught up in the way your eyes are shining and the moonlight is kissing your skin to care. All we've got left is tonight. This is my last thought as I say, “To hell with it.” and my lips touch yours.


We're on the run
And I'm about to lose it
Shes like a gun
And she ain't afraid to use it

It's sweet and slow and messy, and it feels like an eternity when we finally break apart even though it's only been a few seconds. My heart is racing and I'm panting slightly, and I lean in again when...Crack! My head flies back when you hit me across the face, and as I turn back I stare at you in confusion.

“You always wait until the last possible moment, you idiot!” you hiss at me before dragging me to you again. I sigh softly, and tune out the cat calls that are shouted in our direction as the others notice that we are...otherwise occupied.

I pull back gently and let my eyes say what my mouth can't. We've only got tonight.

I know. You reply. “Let's make it last.”

We'll catch our very last train
Light our very last flames
And we'll knock it all back and forget our names
Cause it's our last night
And it's one last fight
We're the last ones
The last ones standing

We're the last ones to leave.

We're on the run

Comments & reviews · 9
User avatar
MooCowPoop
Comment
MooCowPoop commented Comment · Nov 25, 2013

Adorable. Its the teenage dream.

subtleenigma19 wrote a review Review · Nov 22, 2013

Hey there!

The first that comes to mind to describe your story is... beautiful. I really liked the way you put those lyrics in between the lines. It gave your story a very unconventional feel and set up the story on more tha one level. It also provided the story that depth it needed to prevent it from being just another teen-rebellion-running-away story.

I also like how your characters are so impulsive and unrestricted. You've portrayed their emotions very well.

I just have one improvement suggestion:
In the line, 'I'm to caught up in the way your eyes are shining and the moonlight is kissing your skin to care.' it's *too. But I'm sure that's just a typo.

Other than that, great story, and keep writing!

User avatar
Freakette
Review
Freakette wrote a review Review · Nov 20, 2013

The concept in this story was honestly really nice. I really loved the idea of someone's last night together, and everyone coming together and putting aside their differences to just enjoy it in peace. Without names or real detailed descriptions on all these characters, it gives us a nice outline of these people to work with but still leaves things to our imagination and I like that. The way you had the narrator speaking to their lover as "you" instead of directly talking to another character was also really cool.

I give it a 9.5/10. c:

User avatar
Brana123
Review
Brana123 wrote a review Review · Nov 8, 2013

You definitely have me at a loss for words.... But I will attempt to gather my thoughts and summon up a half decent review. Lol.
Anyway, how you opened up this short story/ poem was brilliant. It seemed normal, and very relatable. I like how mentioned that this was your last night and will probably never see each other until your ten year reunion.... I feel that like maybe you could extend this and show them at the ten year reunion.
You could make it that she married a guy similar to him and had children, and that the main character eventually married someone sort of like her. Then maybe you write the story kind like all the usual love stories, where they light their old flame... but then fix in an unimaginable twist where they don't get together. And instead they leave each other exactly where they left each other ten years prior, still friends... I don't know that's just an idea. But I would certainly love it if this short story manifested into a novel. It has plenty of potential and I am actually jealous that I never came up with something like this. Write on my friend.

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Vivian
Review
Vivian wrote a review Review · Nov 7, 2013

This hot.

Viv here, nice story. I especially like the song continuously playing. Is it there prom night or senoir trip or something, because that sounds like the highlight of the year. He probably wasn't much fun never being rebelious much, but I'm one to talk so. It's a great story, I feel bad for the people who didn't get paid and lost their coats though. ;)

Well Keep writing!

I like to think of it as a big party someone organized the night before graduation. Although it could be prom night if that's what you want. ;)

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Aadygirl
Review
Aadygirl wrote a review Review · Nov 7, 2013

Dear KnightTeen,
I love your writing style and the way you put your words. I loved how you incorporated a bit of poetry to go with the story. It flowed very well, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

If I was asked how many stars I'd give you, it'd be a full five on five. I'd love to read more of your work. :)

From an eager reader,
Aadygirl

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Shalie
Review
Shalie wrote a review Review · Nov 7, 2013

I love this story. I never read a short story where it had poems in the story. It surprised me, however it flowed so well I had to keep reading! At first I thought this was a High School graduation, but then you mentioned that there where some people ordering rum. So I am guessing it is a college graduation. This short story puts a smile to my face, to see how in love those two are. However, it is also sad that it seems it taken them this long to discover each other. Good job. I like your writing style.

It is actually a highschool graduation. The idea was that someone got their older brother or sister to buy the drinks.

Thanks!

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Bellator
Review
Bellator wrote a review Review · Nov 6, 2013

I really liked this. The story fits in well with the lyrics (at least I assume they're lyrics) and the atmosphere is really cool. Never having experienced something like this, (college graduation, I'm guessing?) it was interesting for me to see what it must be like. The tone was wonderfully evident, and it really captured that "last hurrah" feel. Nice work! Keep writing!

Highschool, actually. Thanks! Oh, and yes, they're lyrics.

User avatar
knivesandpens
Comment
knivesandpens commented Comment · Nov 6, 2013

I absolutely love this piece because it's almost a teenagers dream for something like this to happen. One night to make love last. Love comes slow and it goes so fast and this almost explains that quote perfectly. Nice job.

Odyssey replied · Nov 7, 2013

True, true. And one more thing... just as I read this, someone started playing Let Her Go out loud in my classroom. o_o

Odyssey replied · Nov 7, 2013

True, true. And one more thing... just as I read this, someone started playing Let Her Go out loud in my classroom. o_o



It's been many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable.
— Mr Collins, Pride and Prejudice