Trapped

This was really good! The only thing I can think of to say is that this would be easier to read if you used stanzas.

I do not know much about the different forms of poetry, but I can tell you that every poem I've ever read that wasn't a haiku had stanzas.

Here's an example on how I'd arrange the beginning of your piece into stanza's...


This is what I feel all the time.
My life isn't the best right now.
I always fake smiles and laughs so no one knows.

If they did.....
they would give me sympathy.
I don't want sympathy.
I just want help.

I want someone to hear my cries.
I want someone to hear my pleas.
I want someone to save my soul.
I want someone who knows my pain.


And so on. How you divide it into stanzas is really up to you, it's really just a matter of personal opinion, that was just an example to make sure you know what I mean by "stanza"(the little blocks of text).


You did a really good job at portraying how you feel. I can really feel the emotion in this. And that's what poetry's about, isn't it? Emotion and feelings?

Great job, I hope to see more of your works on here.


~WW

Ok..wow..that was quite a collection of all the sad and depressing words or sentences..XD

So..there are lines which needs to be worked..like -- my soul is...I don't know where it is. It sounds too rough, unfinished and it's not working..rather write I can't feel it...at least better than that and gives more weight to the sentence.

But after reading this, I figure, you are indeed in pain, alone and need company. If you really need a friend. Well, I'm here. Contact me anytime..Hit me on the chat or PM me..I am always there.

So some happy faces, I need to see some happy faces..

Ever wanna talk, I'm here. It's best to talk to strangers, we have no one to tell.

Hello, Kitty. I'm Rose, and I'm going to review this piece for you today.

First, welcome to YWS. I hope that you'll like it here as much as I do. There are an incredible amount of extremely talented writers on here; their helpful criticism has been a huge part of keeping me passionate about writing and has made a huge difference in the way I write. If you have any questions at all, please feel free to let me or any of the other YWSers on here know about it and we'll be sure to help you out, okay? Now, on to the review.

It's obvious that you're passionate about what you're writing. Don't lose that. When you're passionate about what you're writing, others feel the emotions expressed in your work and fall in love with it. In addition, you chose to write about something that a great deal of teenage writers are able to identify with: depression and angst. Let's face it. We're artists. We paint pictures with words. As artists, it's essential for us to be able to look inside ourselves and find our emotions to convert them into stories and poems. Because we're in touch with our emotions, we have a tendency to be emotional. Sensitivity is a wonderful thing as long as we're able to channel it.

However, I don't feel you channeled your emotions effectively in this piece. Let's take a look at part of your work.

"Empty
Alone
Sad
Pain
Depressed
Furious
Stressed
Agony
Frustration
Annoyed
Mad
Gloomy
Troubled
Trapped"

There are better ways to tell the world how you're feeling than to state everything that's on your mind bluntly. I'm not a poet and do not claim to be, but I do know that, especially when poetry is concerned, vagueness can be a wonderful tool. Steer away from bluntness. Being able to tell your readers how you're feeling while still leaving them a little room for imagination on their part takes practice, but believe me, learning how to do it is worth all of the practice. That's my main criticism for this piece.

Remember, your opinion concerning your work is paramount. If you don't agree with my criticisms, disregard them. You must love what you're writing. If you don't want to change it, don't.

If the feelings you expressed in this piece are yours and not those of a fictional character, I've been there. If you ever want to talk about it or just want to talk, let me know, ok?

Always keep writing!

-Rose