Untitled Part 1

Lana had been struggling with this feeling for quite a while now. No one knew. She smiled every day; she laughed and joked with her friends. She seemed like the happiest person ever.                                                But she wasn’t. She was dying inside, and just knew how to hide it from everyone. No one noticed. Not her friends or family, or her teachers. No one. And even if they did, they wouldn’t understand. They’d say they would but they wouldn’t. They wouldn’t know how it felt to hurt so much, to be completely tired of living.              They’d ask her why. They’d ask what had started this. But Lana didn’t know. She didn’t know why she felt that way, she just did. And had for a long time…

          Lana’s alarm clock went off on Monday morning, and she slowly raised herself up in bed and turned it off. “Here we go again,” she sighed, peeling back the covers and getting up. She stumbled into the bathroom and switched on the tap. She pushed her hands under the cold stream and splashed it onto her face.                                  Lana turned off the tap, placed her hands on the edge of the sink and looked into the mirror. “You’re worthless,” she murmured. “You’re ugly. No one likes you, you know. No one cares about you.” Lana’s grip on the sink tightened, and she pushed back off it.                    Back in her room, Lana got dressed and did her hair. “Why do I bother?” she muttered. “Whatever I do I look stupid.” Then she brushed her teeth and threw her school bag over her shoulder. “Bye Mum!” she yelled as she left the house.                                                       A little way down the road, Lana met up with her best friend Steph. “Hi Lana!” Steph grinned.                                                                      “Hey Steph!” Lana smiled back. The two of them continued the walk to school together…

          Lana ran back home after school finished and flew into her room, slamming the door shut behind her. She threw herself onto her bed and cried into her pillow.                                                                    All the nasty comments of the day floated around in her head. ‘Idiot!’ ‘Lesbian!’ ‘Fat!’ ‘No one likes you Lana!’ ‘Why don’t you just go die somewhere, huh? Do us all a favour!’ ‘Slut!’ ‘Ugly!’ ‘Attention seeking whore!’ Lana started crying harder. Attention seeker? What were they talking about? It wasn’t her fault! Actually, it was theirs. Why were they being so unfair?                                                             Lana sat up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She rolled up the sleeve of her school jumper, revealing the scars there. Then she drew the blade out from under her pillow and hovered it above her skin.                                                                                                                She took a deep breath and brought the blade down to meet her skin, then slowly pulled back. She swallowed as the blood began to flow and made another cut. Each cut she murmured another insult. “Idiot. Stupid. Fat. Ugly. Attention seeker.”                                  Finally, Lana put the blade down on her bedside table with her hands trembling and wiped away the blood.