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Wait, I couldn't really tell...you like Valentine's Day, right?
Just kidding XD. Sorry. My humor...kinda sucks
But anyways, gonna review this.
Now, I like prose style formatting, but with this shorter poem, I feel like you would be much better off and have a much greater effect if you used shorter lines. It draws you in, moves you forward, keeps it all going really nicely.
I Also usually love enjambment, but where the I is left on the first line just makes it look a little messy cause it doesn't really serve a purpose in making it more dramatic and suspenseful when it's just one letter enjambed. So I would recommend starting the third sentence entirely on the second line. However, if this was in stanzas, you could use enjambment very well to cause suspense and drama, because this is very dark and angry.
Also, just cause I'm a grammar Nazi-your fragmented sentences, they kill me. They stab me in the heart and make me sad. I know it is poetry and proper grammar is not necessary, but if you aren't going to write complete sentences, you gotta go all out and have really fragmented sentences and no punctuation and separate lines to show your thoughts. Right now, they're like these I'm almost a real sentence but not really kind of sentences, and it's just not doing it.
I did really like your syntax, though, you made some really superb word choices, and gave really good imagery. And you definitely got your point across loud and clear, so that's good to.
Hope I wasn't coming across as mean, I'm an editor, that's just how I roll. But I'm with you on valentine's day sucking. Except for discount chocolate, that's always nice.
What I see here is another cynical opinion of valentines day that seems to be trending, which I think does add an extra (desirable or undesirable) context to poetry such as this.
As a poem, the second and third lines stand out to me as the best. The words fit nicely together, and they create a good image.
The first and last lines could be improved on, mainly in pushing them further than mere words. This is my opinion on that.
1.
I'm going to start out by questioning this metaphor, and how dying your hart black would prevent pain. At the moment I do see no connection where there could be many. Firstly we could consider what exactly the act of dying black does.
Firstly, black and a colour. It absorbs all light rays and reflects none. That could be used in your metaphor to find a connection to light that your heart must absorb, though this seems contradictory.
We can think of black dye in the sense of hair, in that unlike blond, it does not extract pigmentation, but rather conceals it. Black is a concealing colour to cover up other marks and colours, which seems contradictory to stop pain rather than hiding it. To improve this line I think you could change the word 'stop' with 'hide' or 'absorb' to make more sense in the context of dying something black otherwise it seems like simple words without logic.
As for the last line, I feel you do need a fourth line, but this one isn't adding much. The 'holiday' confirms the subject of valentines day, but I feel that just saying a blackened heart doesn't justify and sum up the poem strong enough. I feel as a last line it is weaker compared to the previous lines, and thus why I don't like it. I can't really suggest how to improve it in this case, but I think you should go with something slightly more pressing.
About the lines I like,(unfortunately I am not very good at writing about why I like things, I just like them, but I will try.) the third line, I like the language and the use of the word "seethe" (you spelt it wrong), which is very evocative and gives the reader feeling. Along with this I also like the use of the word gleam, as it has many connotations within itself that paints far beyond the word, your use and placement of these words are effective.
I would like to see you writing more as this is the first thing I've read from you in a while, so keep going.
This.
Is.
Beautiful.
I can definitely relate to you. I think I a love somebody. But he has a girlfriend, and we're close friends. We've been friends for about a month, but in that time we've grown close. It kills me to see him with his girlfriend. And he knows how I feel. He told me that on Valentine's Day, he was going to give his girlfriend a rose, and tell her that he will give her a rose every year on Valentine's Day until he can't anymore. My name is Rose. Well, my middle name. HE is also aware of this fact. He didn't get to do this "gesture" due to weather circumstances.
I feel your pain. So I hated Valentine's Day. I hate it every year I have to look and see couples in love, when I have none. I apologize for rambling, I just wanted to make it clear that I get it. You've just described the emotions I've been feeling in four sentences. Thank you for writing something so beautiful.
-Gravity