Published June 24, 2005
Right. I deleted everything. Administrators go ahead and delete it.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,432 Literary Works • 674,412 Reviews
I think she is deleting all her work because she is leaving YWS. It's over something real stupid, a bad review.
*is confused* Why did you delete it if you've got 4/4 interesting votes and you want it revised ... I would have revised it, but it's gone now so I can't.
Wait ... did I miss something?
It's revised! Please read!
Thanks for the advice!
The nobles are like her advisors, and they share her fortress. I'll go back and make it more clear.
The repeated blows is something I had earlier had in the story, but I dunno. It just ended up like it is.
In the original version, he takes quite a while longer to decide, but I like the idea of him coming back to the cave. I don't want it to take too long though, because I want his decision to be more like rashly decided idiocy in trying to save his queen.
I'm glad that you think it has potential, and your comments will help me a lot in making this story interesting.
It seemed like it had a slow start. You may have taken too long to introduce Aireleas, in my opinion. I'm also a little confused about the use of the term "nobles." Are they nobles because they are rich and cultured? Or are they more like advisors? The way they act doesn't quite match with the common perception of nobles. If it is different, you should do well to explain that difference.
It would also be pretty dramatic if it took several repeated blows before the fire came into full being.
In addition, why don't you have him take much longer to make his decision, or have him come back to the cave to give his answer.
It has potential and it strikes me that it has potential to become something special.
Interesting.
Thanks for voting! I'm glad you find it interesting.
I'll probably post more. Why?
I'd like to revise it so it sounds better. This is just the "off the top of my head" version cos I can't get my bloody laptop to connect to the internet. My laptop has the original version that is a thousand times better.
I voted 'interessting'
.
I'm curoius - are you posting up any more of this?