Someone

Hello there and happy Review Day! Okay, so today I'm going to submit another review.

I think you have a lovely start here full of messages of good hopes, courage and being yourself. Although that in my opinion is an often talked about subect, nevertheless, it was a good read.

This poem also had many positive aspects to speak of. For instance, you used a fairly decent range of vocabulary. My favorite line was don't listen to the snobby girls in the pink. I thought that was cute and immediately though of a monstrous clique of girls in love with themselves.

I think that for the most part, you got the message across through the utulization of vocabulary and figurative language.

Hi,
Just read your poem .
Its in a good flow and i find it coming right from your heart as it is.
This is both good and bad , good as brings out your true feelings and bad as takes away the extra effort that you should in corporate to make it more happening.
Loved the lines and found them motivating:
'Reach for the stars
Be someone
who dreams
who lives'
With following lines , i felt that individual qualities should have been highlighted rather then sheer criticism as in folowing lines:
'Who says you are not pretty
With a pound of make-up on their face
I would say they're a hippocrate
You are beautiful
No matter what they say'
Could have been more motivating, as such situations do arise among girls, by boosting the confidence within one-self, believing in one's own style statement' being happy with what one have.
The color pink is not rightly hooked to snobby thing as this can be related to a shy and a sweet girl as in the following line
'Snobby girls in pink'
I appreciate your work just want you to combine more ideas to the one's coming naturally.
Cheers for your effort.

Hello there Kell! Dogs here with your review today. Welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy your stay here, I'm Tucker. If you need anything: Help, a review, advice. Let me know and I'd be more than happy to help you out . Anywho on to ze review! Lovely poem here, great message and imagery. Although I would highly suggest that you put in some grammar in your poem. It makes it smoother and easier to read.

" Is better then one of them "

Two things here, firstly I believe you meant "it's" rather than "is." Secondly, I would suggest trying to omit all useless words whenever possible. Try saying: "It's better than them" instead. It just flows smoother. Although most of the time your writing is remarkably smooth and needs little editing.

"The bully with no cause"

I really love this line, great writing here. It leaves a good message and it really resonates strongly with the reader. Although, I'm a little upset that you didn't choose to make this a bigger focal point in your poem. I would suggest editing so that this poem revolves more around the bully with no cause. There is tons of potential there.

"You are as important as the famous"

Sounds a little odd, I would suggest saying: "important as celebrities" instead.

"The bully with no cause"

You need to say "Or the bully with no cause" here instead, because that stanza is all a list. Nice ending for this piece, excellent writing. Only a few minor errors but this was a pretty darn good piece. I hope my comments were helpful, let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

This poem was really a poem of goodness. You really highlighted the problems a lot of people face, and this is one of the better poems I have read like that. The one thing I want to comment on is how you word the poem. A some times I have a hard time focusing on who is the bully and who is the person being bullied. Especially in the fit stanza. Just try to establish the roles more.

Heya there Kellilocks! SkyeJane hers to review for ya!
I love this because I can relate to everything you said in this. There are some corny bits but I'll ignore them because sometimes corny is so true to the heart.....also I hope it's not offending that I said it was corny...maybe you didn't intend it to be that way..sorry!
Anywho.
The first thing that caught my eye here was that you started out with a statement
>You are someone no matter what they say<
It was simple and to the point so immediately I know where I stood in the poem. Anybody that has ever felt unwanted will feel empowered just by those simple words.So immediately we are off to a great start.
That second...or maybe first stanza that starts with saying 'Reach for the stars" had such a great flow.
It didn't need to rhyme or have big words;it just flowed. This made it really powerful.Also,once again it shows us where we are as readers in the poem because you mention "snobby girls in pink" so we know that whoever is being written about is not included in the "snobby" category.
Then it kinda went just a eensy teensy weensy bit pear shaped for me.
When you said >be an outsider/is better then one of them< I was like,huh?
Okay..I'm sure you meant "than"...but it was still confusing. I think if you made it to be something like,being an outsider /it's better than being one of them...or something as such it would make more sense to the reader.
The next stanza could really use some punctuation or maybe just a switch that makes a little clear that there are questions being asked and answers being stated.
This also goes for the next stanza as well,seeing that you used the same format there.
And then the last bit is great because we have a familiar repetition from earlier on and a confirming statement.
All in all it was a great little read that was nice and uplifting....keep at it! Skyexxx

Hello KelliLocks,

EnchantedPanda here to review your poem.

This poem has great morals behind it. It's one of those happy-go-lucky style pieces that leaves you with a good message and has strong and powerful themes behind it or you to take away. I personally really enjoyed reading your opinion on being who you are and it's really good to hear something telling you to be different and ignore stereotypical normalities. It's not often that you actually see people acknowledging the importance of things like this which is why I enjoyed reading this. It's such a common message that we hear everyday but some people don't actually absorb and sending that message through poetry format is a really good way of grabbing people's attention and making them believe it even more rather than just hearing it but not listening to it. So overall I think you did a pretty fine job on writing this.

The first thing I notice when reading this is the really good beat behind it. You've written this in such a way that it could almost be read out as a song or a chant simply because it has a really good rhythm. This is also a really good quality in poetry because it means people can read it without feeling like parts are forced or choppy and it avoids the rushed feeling which can be common with poetry. I think it's the simplicity that avoids this feeling of choppiness so that was a definite advantage of not using overly complicated adjectives and language to try and make your poem seem more powerful. Overall nice beat you've got here, just add a tune and some chords and bingo! You're a lyricist.

Some criticism I did find that in some aspects the language you've got is almost too basic. Sometimes it did need that extra ommph to push it through the constraints of cliche poems and make it overall more powerful and emotive. It's not too much of a problem if this was intended as a laid back, casual type poem but if you really want it to ave an impact and stay with the reader after they've read it than trying going for more exciting and stimulating language that really strikes a feeling with the reader.

Another quick comment is to maybe try and expand more on the importance of the reader in the poem, because ultimately this is aimed and making someone else feel good. Really though, all you have in that department, is a line or two about how we are actually something. Not exactly encouraging. Try and explain more about the reader's brilliance and uniqueness as a person rather than focusing too hard on criticizing stereotypes o people such as goths, musicians and jocks etc.

Try and not use too many cliches. You go on an awful lot about how goths and snobs and stuff are bad and how the reader is great. But what if the reader is actually a goth? How would that make them feel to know that everyone is great expect them? Also you have to keep in mind that just because someone dresses or acts as you would expect someone of a specific stereotype to act, it does not necessarily make them a bad person, they can still have good morals and do nice things for other and be how they want to be. People's perceptions of others is exactly how we get bullies and discrimination, it is the very foundation of it, in fact. So by saying that snobs and jocks etc. are actually bad people you are only encouraging us to discriminate an judge those people. My suggestion? Steer very clear of stereotypes and specify only bullies or nasty people as those we should be despising.

Another noticeable thing was the spelling errors in this. I've identified them below;

Be an outsider

hippocrate