As the water trickles from the rivulet nearby, I start to wonder
If I’m still alive then I have to find the answer
Of whom I really am, and so I look into my reflection
Right before my eyes lays a big surprise
The water stops.
The water is laced with poison, and it will drown us in my sorrow
Am I really the person that stares back at me with eyes so hollow?
I must find my true self by tomorrow
But I’m losing ground
Hello stranger, what’s your name?
Let us play a little game
He jumps from the mirror and strangles me
Panic fills my every limb
If I hope to survive, I must think faster
Should I give in?
I feel a wave of content as I let him swallow me
I’m battered and broken, weak and tired
But then an angel cries out to me
With a voice full of desire
He had me convinced that together we had a purpose
Until I started scratching at the surface
This body is an illness
Your bright light woke me from my nightmare
And now I’m left bare
Colour me in, make me whole
Give me back the life I stole
It was the sweet song of your heartbeat
My demon is now just a memory
All I remember now is nights spent with you
If you leave me here alone
I don’t know if I can face him on my own
When I’m with you
I’m able to look at him in the eyes
I’m not so surprised
That he seems to be fading
Until I can’t remember him degrading
Hey, stranger, what’s your name?
Have we met before?
love this very much!
but i think the line You're bright light... should be written as Your?
but this is great! <3
I loved it.
Especially the question at the end. It literally sums up the whole thing together into a sexy package
Rhythm feels... rather odd to me in the earlier parts with longer verses, but please don't take offence in that. I'm only an amateur in such things anyway. Nonetheless, this poem is fairly coherent (To myself), although the jump between the third paragraph ('... But I'm losing ground...') and the paragraph after the next seems rather abrupt. Going from water to a mirror makes not much sense, but I'd hazard a guess that you meant the mirror to metaphorical, or the water to be the reflecting surface of the mirror.
I rather enjoyed the distinct sections you have created with this poem. The first section is one of comtemplation, of poignancy and perhaps a touch of suicidal tendencies? Poison makes me think of that. You continue with more verses with more references to violence, indicating slightly more brutal [?] thoughts, but ending with a nice touch of release (Couldn't find a better word to describe it). And then you continue on with several rather lovely verses indirectly referring to romance. I really like the questioning at the end as it does end the poem rather nicely.
Good job. However, do try to use more punctuation in your poems (Unless you want them to be read as if they were sentences).