I Thought We Were Fine

Wow. This turned out to be unexpected. I'm usually a sucker for heartbreak stories/poems/songs and I thought this would end up as a breakup or something like that. But then again, the words "I'm fine" NEVER mean that someone is fine. You don't just have a conversation with someone and they say, "Oh, I'm just horrible. My back hurts, my car won't start, so-and-so is causing problems, etc." No, you lie and say you're absolutely fine. Maybe you have trust issues, social anxiety, depression. You still say you're fine. Nothing ever changes in those two words. Your eyes and body posture lie with you to prove to somebody that you are one hundred percent abso-freaking-lutely fine and nothing in the world can make you more happier.

I call BS on that, and oh yeah sorry I'm rambling. I should get to actual reviewing.

I noticed how sometimes the spaces meant to give a break in writing don't show up. However, I found a way past that. If you would want this to have spacing in between instead of the "~", then delete the "~" and hit the space bar a couple of times before clicking Enter for a new line. It works on touch screen devices. But, those are perfectly okay to use to separate the each new group of sentences.

Also, doesn't "~" look like an awkward smiley-face? I sort've just realized that, hahah.

You put "...and your teeth shine when you laugh, so warmly." It's true that teeth do shine, but you could re-write the sentence to be "...and your teeth shine when you let out a friendly, honest laugh." I'm not sure, this is just a thought.

Any poem about suicide to me is automatically considered beautifully tragic or tragically beautiful. I relate to the feeling of wanting to just 'off' myself but still the idea of losing someone to suicide would just kill me. Especially if it was someone I personally knew had problems like me.

The thinner part indicated an eating disorder, right? I assumed it to be so. I feel so bad for people who have these...I wish I could help them and have them overcome their fear of eating/gaining weight/looking fat.

There were no genders or names specified in this. If you read it in a guy's point of view, the girl he was with had a tragic, horrible ending. If you read it in a girl's point of view, the guy she was with had a horrible, tragic ending. I can see it go either way. Both guys and girls have pain, problems, and sadness. It could be seen here in the poem.

I did like this poem. I liked how you added the same three lines in the ending as the beginning statement. I feel it may have the potential to go on longer, such as adding more depth to the event that took the secondary character's life. The detail and language wasn't basic but it wasn't overly complex. You fall for a person on their looks, personality, body posture, speech, and the little memories you make with them. That was clearly expressed in the poem, that he/she was falling in love with the other. Good job there.

"I was entranced by your body, it's curves and crannies..." Just correct 'it's' to 'its'. Easy fix.

Aaaannyyyways, sorry this is a longer review than I normally put out but I can understand how things go whack when secrets aren't spilled in a friendship or relationship. Thank you for sharing this poem, though. I appreciate it.

Hope you are doing alright and hope you wake up with a smile on your face tomorrow, ready to greet the world in a positive manner! Your satisfied reader and reviewer,

~Freak

Hey there, Kazeybear! Thanks for sharing this extremely emotional poem.

While it's still on my mind, I just wanted to mention an idea that came to me. Completely by accident, I read the last line of the last stanza with 'And' at the beginning. I don't know, I just think that added word emphasizes the point really well and would make a nice addition to the poem. But, without it it's still amazing.

The first stanza (and last) is really clever. I love how you repeat the beginning, making the past tense of thought stand out. The repetition of the whole stanza is great, it wraps up the poem well, relating the ending to the beginning.

I liked how you go through, in detail, everything you love about this person. I did notice how the characteristics slowly got darker the further I progressed through the poem. We start with shining smiles, then the body's curves get thinner, finally ending with the noose. It's subtle but extremely emotional.

It all flowed well, and I can't actually think of any nitpicks or errors to change. So I'll just say that you've written this beautifully and leave you with my suggestion of adding the 'and' onto the last line.