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The Passage of Time

by Kaymal


I fear the future and l can't seem to let go of my past. 

I'm only living so that I can look back and be satisfied with how I lived. 

I yearn the past I hated as present. When I look back I see myself recalling past memories, forgetting to live in the moment. 

We fear the future and regret the past too much.

I've often found myself reminiscing memories of the past whenever I felt lonely. But in those memories, I wanted to go far away, I wanted to leave. 

Eventually I did leave, and I hated it. I was lucky but I couldn't realise it. 

It felt so cold, I was shivering. And for the longest time I couldn't cover myself up from it.

I've learned to find comfort in the cold, to find warmth. And now I have to leave, again. 

Attachment can be cruel can it not?

Till yesterday they were my life, today they're all just faraway memories.

The future is scary, isn't it? To think that you will never get to experience this moment ever again in your whole life. 

The best you can do is replay it in your head, again and again, longing to live it just once more. 


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36 Reviews

Points: 650
Reviews: 36

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Mon Sep 09, 2024 12:43 am
theromanticchemist wrote a review...



Hey, coming here to review this amazing poem!
First of all, welcome to YWS--you seem like a talented writer and we are lucky to have you!
My first impression of this poem is that I love how existential it feels. It feels like something I would think about in the middle of the night. I also love the consistency of how almost every line has two sentences. It's also like a story that the narrator is telling us, but it's very vague, so almost anyone can relate. Relatable poems are awesome.
There is one line that I don't quite get--

I yearn the past I hated as present.

It's a bit confusing for me personally. I'd love to hear your explanation of it, because I'm truly curious!
Overall, this is such a good poem and I can't wait to see what else you create on YWS!
Again, welcome, and have a good day!

<3, Meenal (theromanticchemist)




Kaymal says...


Thank you for your review, really appreciated. I am a person who gets attached to things easily, so I have difficulty leaving. When I said "I yearn the past I hated as present", I was trying to say how I got attached to the past so much so that I even started missing moments of the past where I was sad and lonely. So I missed the past I hated as present.



theromanticchemist says...


Thank you so much for explaining! This really helped me a get a better understanding :)



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Reviews: 180

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Sun Sep 08, 2024 12:50 am
Elektra wrote a review...



Hello! Ley here to review this delightful work for you. Today, I’ll be using my 'Autumn-Themed Review Template'! We’ll begin with my initial impressions, then delve into the aspects that stood out like the vibrant hues of fall, and then get into the critiques. I hope you find this review insightful, and that you're enjoying the cozy charm of autumn, wherever you are in the world! Let’s dive in!

The First Signs of Autumn
Firstly, welcome to YWS! I'm glad to see you're already posting <33. Let me know if you need any help navigating the site, or if you need any help in general! Let's get into this poetry, shall we?

A Golden Harvest

Attachment can be cruel can it not?


The future, scary isn't it?

I absolutely love thought provoking questions in poetry. It helps the reader sit back and relate, without having to think too hard. By adding this in your poem, you drew a little string of connection between the text and how we personally relate to it. Amazing job with this!

I fear the future and l can't seem to let go of my past. I'm only living so that I can look back and be satisfied with how I lived. I yearn the past I hated as present. When I look back I see myself recalling past memories, forgetting to live in the moment. We fear the future and regret the past too much.

The first (stanza?) is wonderful. It gives us some background on the narrator, and sets the tone and theme for the rest of the poem. I also like how you used words like "we" to draw the reader in more, and kind of does the same thing as the thought provoking questions do.

Wilted Leaves and Crisp Critiques
I have two suggestions. The first, would be to possibly format this a bit different? I love the way it is, but I feel like formatting it a bit different could help with even more vibes. Maybe we could split up the first paragraph, and maybe the second? Feel free to ignore this suggestion, as I still like it formatted as is.

Secondly, I feel like with the last line:

The best you can do is replay it in your head again and again longing to live it just once more.

We could possibly add a comma between the words, 'head' and 'and' and 'again' and 'longing. Like this:

The best you can do is replay it in your head, again and again, longing to live it just once more.

I feel like this would add more dramatic effect. :D And makes the reader pause for a second.

Cozy Conclusion
Overall, this was a good read! It's definitely relatable; the themes of attachment and the future. Well done! Happy RevMo!

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Kaymal says...


Hey Ley! Thank you for your amazing review. I'm glad you liked my first publication ever! I would also like to thank you for your suggestion. As I am new to YWS and just writing in general, I have a few questions for you if you don't mind answering.

Do I need to review other's work on YWS?
How do I know how many people have read or liked my work?
If I post something, can I edit it without deleting it?
Can you give me some tips on how to format my work better? Like when to end or start a stanza, because I've researched about it and mostly they say it's up to the writer's creativity.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.



Elektra says...


Do I need to review other's work on YWS?
If you want to publish more works, yes! Here on YWS, we use something called a points system. After you review a work, you'll get points that you can spend on publishing your own works (It's 200 points per publication, but by reviewing two poems you should have enough! You can gain more points by reviewing longer works.)

How do I know how many people have read or liked my work?
I just liked your work, so you should see it pop up in your notifications! You can also tell by the little star in the right hand corner of your work. Unfortunately, there's no way to tell how many people have actually read your work.

If I post something, can I edit it without deleting it?
When it comes to Lit works, like this one, of course! You should see something on the right hand side that says "Edit this work" or something along those lines. You can click that, and it should let you edit it!

Can you give me some tips on how to format my work better? Like when to end or start a stanza, because I've researched about it and mostly they say it's up to the writer's creativity.
It is! I totally agree with that. If you're aiming for a poetry style, I'd try something like this (I'm going to use your work as an example):

I fear the future and l can't seem to let go of my past.
I'm only living so that I can look back and be satisfied with how I lived.
I yearn the past I hated as present. When I look back I see myself recalling past memories, forgetting to live in the moment.
We fear the future and regret the past too much.


On YWS, it can get a bit tricky. I'm not sure how to format poetry by using the textbox because sometimes it comes out a bit wonky, you may have to ask a poetry moderator like @EllieMae about that! :D Otherwise, you could always type it in Microsoft Word or something similar and screenshot it. Then, you could upload it as an image. :D

Let me or anyone else with a Green username know if you have anymore questions! :3

(I'm blue for the moment because of RevMo, but I'm usually green. You should totally participate in to get a pretty username color too!)



Kaymal says...


Thank you for your suggestion, I just used it. Also I read in your profile that you are a med student? How do you have the time to reply to me? haha I'm just kidding. And what is a username colour?



Elektra says...


Haha! Yes, I actually just gave birth to my second-born (Yesterday, actually) so I have a lot of time on bedrest XD

And username colors are the colors you see on our usernames! If you go to the YWS Staff Page, here, you'll see the current YWS Staff and that we all have green usernames, aside from the admins, who are a bright red. If you have any questions, those ae the people you should reach out to!

You can earn a cool unique username color by participating in Review Month (which is this month, and which is why I have a pretty blue username at the moment). You can find more information about how to participate here! Or, you can just click the Review Month Banner at the top of the site. <3



Kaymal says...


Aw, she must be adorable. You were a great help, thank you. Stay happy guys, and don't forget to rest well Ley!



Kaymal says...


And I wanted to ask you something else. Can I repost my work from YWS to other websites/apps? I wanted to ask this because I want to gain more experience and audience. I wanted to repost on medium, specifically.



Elektra says...


Thank you for the well wishes! <3 She's definitely an angel.

And I don't see why not! It's your work, you can post it wherever you please! :D We do have copyright rules here so that others can't steal your personal work and post it somewhere to claim it as their own. But that's about it! More experience and audience is always helpful :]



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1249 Reviews

Points: 145925
Reviews: 1249

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Sun Sep 08, 2024 12:45 am
alliyah wrote a review...



Hey Kaymal! Welcome to the Young Writers Society! It's a great place for a writer to land and I hope you find it to be encouraging and instructive - I know I have! :) Congrats on posting your first poem here. I'll be reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
My impression of the piece is that it was very broody / philosophical / contemplative - most of the movement of the poem is internally versus externally. Just like a good movie will have close shots and far-away shots, I think a great poem will have variety of focus too - I would encourage you to look for ways to include some external reflections / actions within this poem too. ie. you might be able to incorporate a specific memory the speaker is ruminating on, or use a metaphor of a river or train to better describe their experience of the passage of time - these things give the writing more variety and help the reader feel like the poem is "happening" rather than just being "described" if that makes sense.

The speaker's main point seems to be that they struggle with how the events from the past seem to fade away so quickly into just being a remembered reality instead of a present lived reality. They feel disconnected with their current time like they are living in the past.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Suggestions for the Piece
As mentioned above I think your poem could be taken to the next level by making it a little less interior and having the speaker describe something actively taking place - whether that's a memory or a metaphor.

You have a lot of references to distance, that may be a good jumping off point for more imagery / expansion / metaphor to be used.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
You did a very good job editing this piece for grammar and spelling, and I felt like the poem was all very cohesive as far as it's mood of brooding and longing.

My favorite line was "I've learned to find comfort in the cold" - I think that's a very intriguing line, and I'd love to see you expand that thought a bit more. Very interesting in how it seems contradictory but meshes with the experience of the speaker.

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall this was a straight-forward poem to read with clear thoughtful emotions expressed of a speaker struggling with the subjects of memory and time and distance.

Thanks for sharing your work! Keep on writing!

alliyah

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Kaymal says...


Hello alliyah, thank you for your wonderful review. I love your suggestions and will try my best to use your advice. I also have a few questions for you if you don't mind answering.

What are points in YWS? Do I need them? If so, then how do I gain them?

Also, feel free to critique my work, it helps me improve!



alliyah says...


Hi Kay!
Points on YWS are what you need to post literary works-> you need 200 to post. To earn them you review other people's works (5 sentences of feedback) green room reviews get more points than pieces that already have 2 revies. :)




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