Young Writers Society

YAAAAAAS.

When you return, you freakin' return. Now, let me machete some things quickly:

1. "don't deserve to be felt at all for flow, or at least experiment here, see how you feel.
2. "impulses pulsing" is smooth on one read, clunky on another. It's polarizing, so also do some experiments here and see what your gut tells you.
3. I want the ending sentiment to be sewn more deeply into the poem so it's more than just a quotable phrase. I want more power to it (and boy does it already have a lot of power) but it lacks the smoothness that makes a whispered ending. Instead you have something that feels like a plea case.

Radrook here to offer a review. Please feel free to reject any suggestion that is offered and deemed not helpful. If I offend please accept my apology. It is not intentional That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem about a person who is determined to rise above her present predicament and to never repeat the mistakes of her past. I like the way that she is determined to show that she no longer needs the help of the one who abandoned her. The introduction does create drama by describing nightmares and rampant emotions and that did provide encouragement to continue reading. I like the way that she encourages herself with positive statements and promises herself that next time she will be the helper and not the helped.

The unusual meandering formatting provides the poem with a certain uniqueness. It's winding tortuous progression can be understood to represent how the speaker's life has taken a tortuous road before finally reaching its destination of enlightenment.

I was a bit confused about why the heater makes her emotions unworthy of being felt at all and how this is related to the artificial flames. Then I realized that the statement is merely an expression of determination which casts aside her present discomforts with a determination characteristic of the rest of the poem. In short it was an enjoyable read with plenty of fascinating imagery and a very positive message at the end..


All in all a very pleasant and fascinating read.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Good morning/afternoon/evening/night! Manilla here for a review.

I really like the formatting of this piece. It gives the poem a 'different' feel than other poems without as much line indentations.

The flow of this poem was choppy but purposeful, this being a freeverse. There wasn't much meter either, but that was not needed at all to deliver your powerful message (which you stated at the end).

The symbolism in this poem was spicy if I could say so myself.

"Emotions scorched by the space heater..."