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140,206 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Fahrvergnügen! I do love beds. Sleeping is indeed bliss, good job on capturing this.
I feel like you need to pay a bit more attention to the punctuation simply for the sake of your readers eyes. I Had to read the first stanza three times to get the rhythm right. For example it may be easier to approach like this:
"Oh how soft and fluffly,
so warm, and inviting,
my comfy bed is!"
In this line I feel like it is a bit abrupt. The 'to me' at the start of the second line is unnecessary.
Also you suddenly change from three lines to five lines. You should take a second look at this and see if it is right.
Stay Schadenfreude
and good job.
I like how the concept of the poem is about sleep and dreams. This reminds me of a bedtime story my mother use to tell me. The grammar and the spelling is splendid and would my a good song to sing to your kids when they want to go to sleep.
I hope you do more and I wish you the best of luck on whatever poem, or novel, you'll write next.
I will give my honest opinion here, not the best work i have seen. I thought that this poem could have been a lot better. I think you need to expand on the idea and work on it a bit more. The potential is there, it just isn't being used. Try using more detail and rhythm. i felt as if this was just a bunch of ideas put together without any rhyme or reason. Please take this idea and fly away with it. I like, no i Love the idea, you just need to work a bit harder on this one piece. I have centered on the potential in this review enough, lets get down to business. The poem didn't pop out as something special, it was brand and boring to read. If it was a color, it would be grey. Make it more warm and inviting and open up to new ideas. Make the reader go "Wow, that was amazing." I myself am not a poet but i like reading poetry and know a lot about it. I hope this helps and inspires you to fulfill your full potential.