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140,545 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
When I saw the title of your poem I was trying to imagine how exactly it would be written; writing a birthday poem it is so easy to do a similar version of other poems or songs (happy birthday to you etc.) but your poem was quite different and I liked the way you did it for your sister too! The opening stanza is probably my favourite because you used more description but in the other stanzas I felt like you were just trying to make sure it rhymed and the descriptive element was lost so you could improve on that.
sorry it's short!
tiggpanda145
Thanks! I'll try to keep steady descriptions throughout my future literature. If you haven't already taken a look and might be interested, I'd appreciate it if you checked out "A Torturous Illness"! ^-^
Hey KandiNekol01d
Lovely poem I like it alot.
I like the fact that you wrote this for your sister
That was really sweet.
The poem was good and sweet.
Hope you write more.
Ya this is really cute. I could almot taste the marble cake XD lol
At first I thought "it's just gonna be -happy birthday to you happy birthday to you-" etc. but you really gave me somthing different and much better to read and write a review on .
Keep it up
~Kat
Hi there.
I'm by no means a poet so I can't give you any solid advice.
I really liked the imagery with the 'shimmering ribbons' and the 'fine desserts'.
I think you could have extended on the emotions of the poem to make it more personal to you and to make me/others think about your writing more.
Good Luck
Oh, thanks! I really didn't add much emotion (I was thinking of how rough the rhyming was), so I guess it would seem rather bland. But anyway, thanks for the review and advice! ^_^