Words Matter!

'Ello, it's cello!

This poem had a nice message but I do not think this was the right way to share the message. Feel free to call me a couch critic for saying this (I'll happily take the title if you decide to bestow it on me) but with all honesty I'm just trying to help you improve. By the google definition of poetry, a poetry is "literary work in which special intensity is given to the expression of feelings and ideas by the use of distinctive style and rhythm; poems collectively or as a genre of literature." So to sum it up poetry needs to have emotion/expression and rhythm. Now, this work is here to make a statement. You're talking about the two types of people of the world. It's a great topic, but maybe not one to be made into a poem. It's hard to write about statements like this with true emotion. Now, you might be saying 'but I have rhythm'. While you do have some rhyming, rhythm may not truly apply here. With rhythm, the reader get's into the flow of the work and begins to expect something. They expect the rhyme or they expect a certain syllable pattern. With all honesty, I didn't get that with this work. Now, don't read this and immediately think I'm out to end your career as a writer. This work has potential and I'm confident that you will be able to bring it to it's fullest.

Let's start with the negative quotes. You have a long list here of short, basic insults. Here's a spot where you could work on your flow. At the end of each quote you put an exclamation. The combination of this and the short statements make for a choppy read. When reading poetry, readers when something smooth and flowing. (There have been some poems with a choppy sound but it takes a first class poet to properly achieve this. I've had quite a bit of experience in the field of poetry and I can't even do a choppy poem correctly quite yet) The first thing to do to achieve a smoother flow is to simply take out the exclamation points and replace them with commas or no punctuation at all. The second thing to do it change your line set up. Make the insults longer and add more content for the reader to take it. There are a ton of ways to do this (adding imagery, adding detail, using metaphors or simply changing your phrasing) but seeing as it's your poem I'll leave that choice up to you.

Now to the line about the couch critics. Again, this seems a bit choppy, however it is a rather easy fix. Take a moment to describe the couch critics.

There are the couch critics,
the ones who live to watch you die,
the ones who prey on the weakest.'

(That was just a sloppy example.) If you take a set up like this but put your own personal views on the couch critics into it, it not only helps the flow of the poem but it adds a bit of the missing emotion.

With the positive statements, I would say the same thing as the negative. Give them more depth. Another thing that would help (with the insults too) is to make them more personal. Put in things you've heard or have had said to you. There's a large chance that the reader has experience something similar which will then make it easier for them to relate to the poem.

The edit over the last part of the poem it more nitpicking than anything else.
First off, you rhymed 'you' with 'you' before proceeding to rhyme it with other words. I don't know what other people call it but I always refer to these as 'rhyme rhymes'. It's not truly a rhyme, as it's the same word used twice. It feel lazy and uncaring which tends to lead to readers losing respect for your work.
On the fourth line of this section of the poem you say

Only a piece of advice, it will help you on your way;

You can't use only like this. First off, I'm not even sure which definition of it you're using. Are you singling out the piece of advice or are you interjecting? If it's the first definition you should have something like 'I have' in front of it. If it's the second use you should have something like 'I have' after it. Another thing with this line. You used proper punctuation throughout your entire poem (which is fine) and sticking to that theme I'd suggest you put parenthesis around 'it will help you on your way' as it feels like a comment to the main statement.
Second to last line- you use the word 'wanna'. That sounds unprofessional and takes value away from your work. (Again, just nitpicking here)
Now let's talk about your last line. I will be blunt. It feels forced. It's always very clear to see when an author puts something into a poem simply for the rhyming value and not for the content. To be honest I can't think of a replacement off the top of my head but might I suggest working the word 'true' into it? It's your poem so I can't control your choice but I think the last line really needs to be changed.

I think your poem has potential but at the same time there's room for improvement. Keep writing and keep spreading your message!

-ChocolateCello

Hey Kaju, it's AshleyDashley here for a quick review!

First off your tile was catchy. It caught my eye and made me want to read what you had to say. Second, your poem was amazing. I took this to heart because you are right. The motivation coming from this poem made me feel better about myself especially since I'm having a bad day. So thank you for that! Third, Your flow was great and it kept me reading. Fourth, I saw no grammar errors so fabulous job with that! My favorite words out of your poem were:

You meet both kinds of people everyday,

Who you choose to listen to, is all up to you.

These words rang true to me and I will start to listen to them. You helped me in a lot of ways with this poem and I thank you bunched for that! Keep up the magnificent work and I hope to read more of your work in the future!

AshleyDashley