My Hope

Hello, Kaju!

This was really sweet. I enjoyed all the emotion that you put into it. It feels really genuine! That being said, there are a few improvements that you could make to make this even better.

Some of this rhymes, and some of this doesn't. In my humble opinion, I think you should make the whole thing rhyme, or you should take the rhyme scheme out altogether. I think what you have rhyming works really well, but when it didn't rhyme, I was distracted by the lack of rhyme. Also, I think the first two lines especially should rhyme if most of the poem is going to rhyme. Just a suggestion. Rhyme scheme is very subjective.

I think you should take out the last three lines. You illustrate beautifully how you feel about Hope in the rest of the poem. The last three lines just tell us how to feel about it, not show us how to feel. You show us how to feel when you let us know that she's better than gold. Readers get the idea, and you don't have to tell us that explicitly.

I think my favorite line is when you talk about the spring that follows the cold. It's such a lovely image, and one that really illustrates the depth of the feelings you have for Hope. It's relief, and beautiful at that.

This poem reminds me of "Georgia on my Mind" by Ray Charles. No one really knows if he's talking about the state of Georgia in the US, or a woman named Georgia. Both descriptions could fit, and I think that this poem strives to do the same thing. Give that song a listen. It's a beautiful classic that I think you would enjoy, given its similarity with the goal of your poem.

Altogether, I enjoyed reading and reviewing this for you. I hope that this review proves useful! Happy writing, and happy review day!

I seriously loved it,I have the same feelings as u put it so beautifully in this poem.
Keep writing!

hi kaju! phangirl here to review your work!

hmm so lets just say you did a really good job here!
i like the theme of our work! HOPE it really is a great thing... ot just a word of 4 syllabuls i really appreciate that u put your time into writing something on this topic.

there isnt any grammatical mistakes... so you cut my job there, usually my reviewvs consist of some suggestions regarding puncuations and other grammatical stuff, but since i did not find any problem here in your work...i dont think i'll be putting much emphasis on it!

the only thing that felt a bit off was... well your flow... i kow that this one is a rhyming poem, so the flow mtters and trust me you did really well regarding that...but at some places it just felt a bit forced...so i think you would like to reconsider those places...

i would suggest that u try for free verse poems... as they are relatively easy to write and th rhyming wont matter much..so the flow is usually good...

and also i almost forgot to mention that i loved that you compared HOPE to so many things...

overall it was a good poem...i hope to see more of your works in the future...
phangirl~

it is good and i like the description you add and the words you used in here.
you should maybe take away a word
"and blows away all my fight"
take away my because in the sentence before you goiing she brings with her delight as in general and then put my in the next one sorta messing it up
She bring with her delight and blows away all fright
that sounds better to me but of course this is your poem so do what you want