This is amazing
Dreaming, I am, for it can't be true,
Alone in my mind, the delusion grew.
Judgment, upon me, my life is confined,
A simple mistake had made me go blind.
No more disputes, your verdict is set,
A promise remains, you mustn't forget.
Hello! 
Snazzy here to review your WONDERFUL poem! 
"A simple mistake has made me go blind.
No more disputes, your verdict is set,
A promise remains, you mustn't forget."
I love this ending, but you switch 'persons' in the last two lines. Though I don't know how you could revise it to make it sound better....
"A promise remains, you mustn't forget."
This is a beautiful ending, almost, sinister...creepy...I don't know. It's just AWESOME! I agree with kingofeli, a 9/10 on this! Great job, and keep writing!
~Snazzy
First of all I must say I'm happy you decided to write something longer than two-liners (I'm not saying that two-liners are bad - just not my cup of tea).
This particular work is also one stanza long but it gives (in my opinion) a stronger mental picture( and also in my opinion that's what poems are supposed to do)
I like the rhyming patterns, great work on your interpunctions as they contribute greatly to the whole impression of it.
The subject of the poem is something most people can relate to descibed in somewhat extreme measures.
Overall it's a step in the right direction and I hope I'll see more of this kind of work from you in the future.
Keep up the good work,
ObserverxD
I really enjoy the way you wrote this poem. Acrostics are hard to write to begin with, as are poems that rhyme, but you managed to stick the two together in a way that is, quite frankly, awesome! It's short, sweet, and to the point.
I looked up the word it ended up spelling, "dajana", and found this: "dajana. A girl who smiles all the time, making you want to smile as well. Only opens up to her nearest and dearest." Going off of that, it seems like this poem is describing a girl like that who opened up to the wrong person and ended up getting hurt. That's my interpretation of it, anyway.
I didn't notice any big grammar or spelling mistakes, but I'd suggest that at the end of each line without a period, you put a comma. It makes the poem flow better and read easier.
This is a good poem, and your works continue to improve. I give this one a 9/10. Keep on writing!
120,189 Literary Works • 648,989 Reviews
Points: 6
Reviews: 3
Donate