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E - Everyone


by Kajka

My life is not a pigeon

I may never be free.

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169 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 169

Tue Feb 24, 2015 11:20 pm
theironnovelist wrote a review...

I like how the title has nothing yet everything to do with this.

It intrigues me why, of all free-flying birds, you choose the pigeon. It does make the audience wonder, but maybe we're not wondering the right things because of that.

An edit I would make is to change "be" to "fly", just to tie in the analogy of life to the bird.

Although I love the simplicity of this, I feel it's almost less of a poem and more of...a quote. Being so short, think of how many people in this universe may have put together this exact strand of eleven words. It's hard to make a piece your own when it's this short.
However, it's not all the words, but the person behind them. The feeling. And as long as that is original and all you, I don't think there's problem with a two-line poem. To add on excessively would be to take away its simplicity, and that's what makes it unique in the first place.

This probably didn't say much but...hope it helped or encouraged you anyway.
Keep writing.
I revise not as a judge, but as a fellow writer eligible for judgment on the same level.

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Kajka says...

Thanks for the review! :)

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62 Reviews

Points: 1048
Reviews: 62

Sun Nov 30, 2014 8:15 pm
rissymay wrote a review...

An interesting thought... I love how these two simple lines make so many questions surface in my mind. I'm honestly now thinking a lot about pigeons XD
One of the questions that I'm particularly pondering is... why doesn't this person want to be free? What makes him/her feel that way?
I love how you've used words to create a simple thought that challenges the thoughts of the reader. Good job...

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Kajka says...

Thanks.. :)

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89 Reviews

Points: 13013
Reviews: 89

Sun Nov 30, 2014 12:17 am
Amnesia wrote a review...

This is really short but it says so much. To me this poem said that you feel like a caged bird. I felt like you have lost all hope of ever being free from your restraints but then that's just me :). Anyways what i liked about your poem the most is that you dont have to say much and yet your message is clear. Thank you for taking the time to share this with all of us here. :)
Happy Review day.

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Kajka says...

Thank you! :)

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10 Reviews

Points: 930
Reviews: 10

Thu Nov 27, 2014 11:04 am
StrugglingAngel wrote a review...

This has me thinking of the simple saying "A man of few words." which interlocks with this. Though this may be short the few words that were said have meaning. As well as the fact that you relate yet deny the relation between your life and a bird that can be let out to be free. I still find it honestly intriguing how you put it as horror. This shows a diffrent side to this short poem. Showing the more serious side and seein that this is reapply something scary to be kept locked away...or at least that's my opinion. Either way it was short and sweet. Enough of my jabbering-Well done! Do keep on writing.

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Kajka says...

Thanks a lot for your review! :)

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50 Reviews

Points: 242
Reviews: 50

Thu Nov 27, 2014 12:22 am
Firelight wrote a review...

I really like this. It is short, but to the point. Even in those few words, you really get what you mean. It is also different. I don't know many people who would start a poem with "my life is not a pigeon" It's creative, and it caught my attention.

Even though I like that the short and to the point idea of the poem, I would love it if you elongated it a bit. It would make it sound more "full" and even though the poem is perfectly fine as it is, I think you should possibly add a bit to it. This is a really good poem as is that can be a foundation for something even greater!

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Kajka says...

Thanks so much for your review!

I'm glad you've enjoyed it. I might have to disappoint you tho, since I will be posting mostly very short poems such as this one. I understand and partially agree with your idea of extending my poems but the beauty is in the eye of a beholder. It's not meant to be explained further. :) Perhaps something longer in the future.

Thanks again!

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594 Reviews

Points: 506
Reviews: 594

Wed Nov 26, 2014 10:59 pm
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fortis wrote a review...

I thought this little musing was interesting.
I like how you titled it under "horror" as it has the smell of a horror of realization.

As this is very short, there isn't much to review.
Let's talk about technicalities first.

because you said "I may never be free" I think the first line might work better as "I am not a pigeon." What do you think? Is it too much that both lines start with I?
Also, I think it might be nice if you had a colon rather than a period at the end of your first line. It shows that there is a connection between the two phrases, which I think would work really well here.

As for the idea expressed here. I like it. But some pigeons are less than free. Those homing pigeons were kept in cages all their lives, and pigeons of today generally stick to cities. I personally always feel enclosed when I'm in a city, not free. A pigeon would not be the first bird that comes to mind when I think "freedom." Maybe hawks or something. Or geese.
But I do like the image that "pigeon" produces.

I also like your title. It really tells the reader what your purpose was in writing this. This piece may be short, but it is not meaningless. You show the reader what exactly you're getting at in just two lines and a title, and you do it effectively.

Good job, keep writing!

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Kajka says...

Thanks so much for your review!

This is my first review so i'm super excited about it! (I'm new here :)
I actually don't agree with replacing the first sentence with "I am not a pigeon" because then both sentences would start with an "I" and it makes it sound repeatable.
However i absolutely agree with the colon idea. I will be editing that later.
Also there is a reason why I picked pigeon instead of a hawk, or an eagle. In my opinion a hawk would be simple symbolism. Pigeon is however not as free or as mighty as a hawk as you said, but that's the beauty of it. Absolute freedom is a myth.

Thanks again!

fortis says...

You're welcome.
And welcome to YWS!

I was promis'd on a time, To have a reason for my rhyme: From that time unto this season, I receiv'd nor rhyme nor reason.
— Edmund Spenser