My life is not a pigeon
I may never be free.
I like how the title has nothing yet everything to do with this.It intrigues me why, of all free-flying birds, you choose the pigeon. It does make the audience wonder, but maybe we're not wondering the right things because of that.An edit I would make is to change "be" to "fly", just to tie in the analogy of life to the bird.Although I love the simplicity of this, I feel it's almost less of a poem and more of...a quote. Being so short, think of how many people in this universe may have put together this exact strand of eleven words. It's hard to make a piece your own when it's this short.However, it's not all the words, but the person behind them. The feeling. And as long as that is original and all you, I don't think there's problem with a two-line poem. To add on excessively would be to take away its simplicity, and that's what makes it unique in the first place.This probably didn't say much but...hope it helped or encouraged you anyway.Keep writing.Yours,~iron.nI revise not as a judge, but as a fellow writer eligible for judgment on the same level.
An interesting thought... I love how these two simple lines make so many questions surface in my mind. I'm honestly now thinking a lot about pigeons XDOne of the questions that I'm particularly pondering is... why doesn't this person want to be free? What makes him/her feel that way?I love how you've used words to create a simple thought that challenges the thoughts of the reader. Good job... -rissymay
This is really short but it says so much. To me this poem said that you feel like a caged bird. I felt like you have lost all hope of ever being free from your restraints but then that's just me . Anyways what i liked about your poem the most is that you dont have to say much and yet your message is clear. Thank you for taking the time to share this with all of us here. Happy Review day. ~Mem
This has me thinking of the simple saying "A man of few words." which interlocks with this. Though this may be short the few words that were said have meaning. As well as the fact that you relate yet deny the relation between your life and a bird that can be let out to be free. I still find it honestly intriguing how you put it as horror. This shows a diffrent side to this short poem. Showing the more serious side and seein that this is reapply something scary to be kept locked away...or at least that's my opinion. Either way it was short and sweet. Enough of my jabbering-Well done! Do keep on writing.
I really like this. It is short, but to the point. Even in those few words, you really get what you mean. It is also different. I don't know many people who would start a poem with "my life is not a pigeon" It's creative, and it caught my attention. Even though I like that the short and to the point idea of the poem, I would love it if you elongated it a bit. It would make it sound more "full" and even though the poem is perfectly fine as it is, I think you should possibly add a bit to it. This is a really good poem as is that can be a foundation for something even greater!
Hello!I thought this little musing was interesting.I like how you titled it under "horror" as it has the smell of a horror of realization.As this is very short, there isn't much to review.Let's talk about technicalities first.because you said "I may never be free" I think the first line might work better as "I am not a pigeon." What do you think? Is it too much that both lines start with I?Also, I think it might be nice if you had a colon rather than a period at the end of your first line. It shows that there is a connection between the two phrases, which I think would work really well here.As for the idea expressed here. I like it. But some pigeons are less than free. Those homing pigeons were kept in cages all their lives, and pigeons of today generally stick to cities. I personally always feel enclosed when I'm in a city, not free. A pigeon would not be the first bird that comes to mind when I think "freedom." Maybe hawks or something. Or geese.But I do like the image that "pigeon" produces.I also like your title. It really tells the reader what your purpose was in writing this. This piece may be short, but it is not meaningless. You show the reader what exactly you're getting at in just two lines and a title, and you do it effectively.Good job, keep writing!~fortis
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