child-feet walk in shadows
words stitching red marks down backs and
wondering when the tree
will fall, wonder when impaling twigs will catch them
off-stride. little hands dig
little seeds into the earth, spread
like acorns in harvest.
smoke-soap bubbles erupt from red-marked fingers
on castle walls, exploding like bombshells
against tree-bark. still
the tree grows and blooms, young limbs
stretched in sync, as if reaching for something.
but the clouds pull away
in sneering allure, and over night skies streak axes
at the tree, vicious and seductive. like
children they pull away, dance with little fingers
through starlight. bark painted red-yellow
falls, hearing
snapped tree limbs call from the top
to land on the acorns, but roots twist the other way.
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138,367 Literary Works • 672,110 Reviews
I haven't really reviewed anything of yours in a while, have I?
hm. Well, I'll come back to this.
Hey Kaf,
You really REALLY need to work on grammar. Watch those run on sentences. As far as context it was nicely written. Some parts have to much descriptions.
Hi there
First of all, good job! There were some really good images in here. There was a certain fragmented feel to this poem which I liked. I think this was created by the hyphens that you put everywhere, it really conveyed a feeling of confusion. To me, this is probably going to sound pretty weird, but this is how I saw it. You know those little spinning round chair things in playground (sorry for the terrible description), the ones where you sit inside them and then spin around really fast until you feel sick. This poem reminded me of the little glimpses of the world outside that you get when your spinning around. They are bright little flashes, I think this poem has colour-
etc etc. There was a real reoccurrence of the colour red actually, I'm not really sure what you're trying to convey here. I got out of it that red is a vibrant colour but maybe you were going for something different with the . I think a confusing part of this poem is it's tone, I'm not really sure if it's meant to be sinister or happy. You do a very good job of creating tone with strong verbs such as impaling in , it's just that to me, the tone seems to jump back and forth. Because it then says; , and to me that image of the children seems more of an innocent, children renewing the world, kind of image.That said, there were some really, really great parts in here. I really liked the tree imagery. I particularly liked this part ... this part makes me realise that perhaps I'm really not getting the meaning of the poem, I can see that there is a reiteration of trees and children and that perhaps the children represent the trees who are constantly growing, but then they're being chopped down? I wouldn't worry, my poetic interpretation isn't always the greatest so hopefully some more reviews will help. And plus the fragmented, confused, flashing of colour tone of it is exaggerated by its flitting tone, so maybe that was deliberate.
Anyway, I liked it