Free from the Puppet Masters

Heh. As Snoink said, this was a bit dull for poetry.

I wouldn't necessarily make it "fun" to read.. but make sure the overall tone of the poem matches the atmosphere you're trying to create. The lack of originality and sense of fear/urgency/whatever the speaker is feeling takes away from the overall effect of the piece.

You seem to have some good ideas going here, but where you struggle is actually conveying them. Good idea, yes. Captivating? Not so much.

I'll go on a limb here and assume that when you read this, you feel something because it personally came from you. If that's not the case, at least pretend it is for the sake of the explanation. Now. Let's say you feel something because this poem is a part of you, yeah? You feel something because this poem is your feelings in words. However, the reader can't feel those things if you don't show them how. Suggestion: Don't just give us the outline. Let it all pour out and give us the full detail. We'll never see what you see or feel what you're feeling, otherwise.

I'm sorry you haven't been able to get any sleep, by the way. I used to stay up through the night due to stress, and then it became just a force of habit. Now that school is here to add on to the sleeplessness, there have been nights where the days just blend into each other because I never get to go to sleep. That been said.. I understand that things may not be as coherent coming from a mind deprived of proper rest. Perhaps you could use it to your advantage - I find myself writing most around three or four in the morning. But that may not be the same for you. Either way - hopefully you can get some sleep soon.

My apologies for all of the rambling. Overall, decent write. I'm interested in seeing your "best" work if this is far from it.

thanks for the help, ill try to remember to make it better when I get some rest. I haven't slept well in months, I been waking up at every hour of the morning, only getting like 3-4 hours of sleep.

Haha, if your letters and words can create so much, why create this?

This is a bit bland for poetry. I mean, you could talk about streams of words snaking around your head, hissing and striking your brain until you are poisoned, dizzy and out of breath, but instead you use dull words to describe how words can be so expressive. Why? Make this fun to read! You can do so much with this idea. Why not use the words to your advantage?

Hope this helps!